


I'm Standing in Front of You

by aNerdObsessed



Series: Light Rises... and Darkness to Meet It [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Betrayal High-Key Sucks, Burn Wounds, Dark Side Rey, F/M, Failure is the Best Teacher, Flirting at Lightspeed, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Grief is a Tricky Thing, HEA Guaranteed, Interrogation, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Past Torture, Reconciliation, Self-destructive Patterns, The Dark Side is Addictive, The Force Ships It, Torture, Visions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 74,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24362710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aNerdObsessed/pseuds/aNerdObsessed
Summary: Kira Ren has ascended to Supreme Leader, leaving both her and Ben Solo bewildered with their continuing bond. While the distance between them is greater than ever before, their bond overcomes their disparities to draw them into an inescapable intimacy. Meanwhile, their allies face the repercussions of the conflict between and within the First Order and the Resistance. The choices they make will have far-reaching impact for the long-lasting struggle between their respective sides.a re-imagining of the last chapter of the Skywalker saga, if Rey had been the one to fall to the DarkThe fourth installment of Light Rises and Darkness to Meet It ~ Updates every two weeks
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Light Rises... and Darkness to Meet It [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1201927
Comments: 186
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI you may be a bit lost if you haven't read the previous stories in this series... I hope you enjoy either way 😊
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The first time, after everything, neither of them had had words. 

They’d said more than enough the last time, hadn’t they? 

Yet there was so much left unspoken. The air was fraught with the weight of it. At least they weren’t screaming at each other with tear-blurred eyes. 

Ben took advantage of the silence to look at her, really look at her. Rey looked strong, after everything. Her eyes were hard and the line of her mouth firm. Her eyebrows drew together as she returned his look, the muscle in her jaw jumping. 

She didn’t fit into the scenery behind her, a dark smudge against the tangle of vibrant plants and fungi practically glowing in the sunlight. The light didn’t seem to touch her. 

Ben set aside the plate of foodstuff he’d pilfered from the base’s kitchen. He hadn’t joined the others in the dining hall because he hadn’t wanted to bother with conversation. They’d been all too eager to talk to him once they figured out who he was to Leia. Ben hadn’t wanted to talk to them about his mother. He could barely talk  _ to  _ Leia, but that was okay for both of them. They could both appreciate the silence together. 

But now, with Rey glowering at him, he still didn't think he wanted a conversation, except maybe he’d try for her. Because  _ damn _ did he want. 

He stood from rock-like fungus he’d chosen as a seat to eat his dinner. Rey eyed him, judging him. He took a step forward, his mouth parting as he tried to think of something to say – anything, really, if just to hear her voice. 

She turned away and scoffed, the echo of it harsh and sharp in the boundaries of the bond. 

He snarled, summoning the half-eaten plate of protein paste and vitamin sauce to his hand, and hurled it at her back. 

She was gone, the congealed foodstuff splattering across the fronds covering the forest floor. 

Ben growled in frustration and kicked his seat with passion, his boot rebounding abruptly from the tough spongy growth. 

“Kriff,” he hissed, partially because of the pain radiating from his foot, partially chagrin at having thrown his dinner at the Supreme Leader like a schoolchild. 

Mostly because of the ache in his heart. 

~---~

She appeared while he was meditating, feet tucked underneath him and eyes closed as he knelt in the bunkroom. 

Ben had taken up meditating for its practical benefit while living with the Resistance: if anyone happened upon him while he was in his contemplative pose, they didn’t dare to disturb him because they assumed he was engaged in some mysterious Jedi practice that required no interruptions. 

He didn’t correct them. He definitely wanted no interruptions because he got enough of those whenever he set foot outside the bunkroom. He sure as kriff wasn’t trying to commune with anyone who had passed on – he'd given up on ever reaching his grandfather and he had nothing to say to his uncle. He kept his own company, and that was exhausting enough. 

He listened to Rey’s breathing for a minute, the soft noise loud with the rest of the sounds wiped out within the bond connection. The pattern was even, almost soothing, but as he waited, it quickened perceptibly. Then it sharpened a hiss. 

“At least look at me. This is pathetic, even for you.” 

He didn’t want to give in, which was juvenile, he knew. But the last time he’d seen her was not an hour ago during a Resistance briefing, her likeness in flickering blue projected from the holotable. Why he was invited to the briefing, he didn’t know. Dameron wasn’t invited, although Finn and Rose were both present. He hadn’t bothered to learn anyone else’s name, or rather he’d made a conscious decision not to remember them. His mother had presided over the discussion he hadn’t heard, acknowledging him with a brief smile before they were both absorbed in the content of the briefing. 

The footage they had showed Kira Ren plowing through insurgents, scattering their corpses like chaff before a gale. It had been terrifying. It had been heartbreaking. 

He’d told Leia he couldn’t help them, and he’d walked away.

Rey scoffed and Ben’s eyes snapped open to find her glaring down at him. He startled; Rey was closer than he anticipated. He could smell the tang of iron and smoke on her clothes. 

“Since when do you meditate?” 

His mouth opened. 

“Don’t kriffing answer that. It was rhetorical.” 

Rey strode past him and he scrambled out of the way, keeping her in his sight. She pulled off her gloves and tossed them away, wrenching the cloak from her shoulders. 

“Do you think this will keep happening? This... bond?” she said. 

He watched her silently as she removed her outermost layers, made from finer materials than he remembered, befitting her elevated status. 

“That one wasn’t rhetorical,” she snapped. 

“I... don’t know.” He rose to his feet. “I’m not causing this.” 

Rey turned back to him, her eyes still furious. “If not us, then what?” 

Ben started to retort but she vanished when he blinked, as though she’d never been. 

A week later, when he was once again in a meditative pose, he began to wonder if she was on to something. The bond was them; they were the bond. Of that he was suddenly sure. And the bond was the strongest manifestation of the Force he’d ever known. 

~---~

Ben ran a hand through his hair, pacing beneath the  _ Falcon _ in the dark. It was probably about midnight, or maybe later; it had been a while since he checked a chrono. The insects were still maintaining an incessant drone that did nothing to assuage his burgeoning headache. He reached the end of his path and spun on his heel, nearly crashing into her as the nighttime chorus was cut off by the abrupt presentation of the bond. 

“Karking hell,” he spluttered, staggering back. 

Rey crossed her arms. “You’re distracted.” 

He glowered, although he doubted she could see him clearly in the gloom. But she could feel it, he was sure. Their emotions were more tangible in the bond, even more so than in person. Everything felt raw, exposed. 

“I need to find answers,” he said vaguely.

The silence stretched out, more acute in the confines of the bond. 

She sighed. “What are you going to do?” 

Ben struggled with what and how much to say. Something about how the bond drew them in, kept them alone together, made him want to reach out to her. Rey was still bitter, though; he could feel it. He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m leaving.” 

“Leaving?” 

He nodded. “Leaving the Resistance. I can’t find what I need here.” He looked away. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to stay so long.” 

“You’re good at that. Leaving.” It was flippant, a reflex. But that reflex had been learned. 

He crushed his anger before he’d say something stupid in response. She wasn’t wrong. He knew how it looked, how familiar it was for him to disappear and he hated it. He wanted to explain so badly that this time was different, that he had done it for her and not because of his fear, but that would only sound like the old excuses so he held his tongue. 

She came closer so he could see the glitter of her eyes in the darkness. “Where will you go?” 

His heart seized. Her simmering anger scaled him.  _ You, _ he wanted to say.  _ I’ll come back to you, if you still want me _ . 

But he had burned that bridge, hadn’t he? 

And, more significantly, he had a task now. One that he hoped would lead to her, eventually. 

“I see.” She made a frustrated noise. “You’re right not to trust me.” 

“It’s not that –” 

“Oh, so you trust me?” 

_ I think so, despite everything. _

She must have sensed his conflict because she snarled, “Stars, you’re an idiot.” 

“Did you just realize that?” he drawled, withdrawing. 

She hissed, the sound of her displeasure merging with the insects as she faded away. 

He almost lurched forward as if to snatch her to himself, to explain to her that  _ I’m doing this for us, this is for us I think, can’t you understand that? _ But again, echoes of his past mistakes would make the words hollow, so he let her go without a struggle. 

~---~

Ben stretched out on the  _ Falcon’s  _ bunk, switching on the glowpanel to its dimmest setting. He had been giving sleep his best attempt for several hours, but pretending wasn’t good enough to trick his insomnia. The past few nights had been similarly unrestful. 

It gave his thoughts plenty of time to run wild and wreak havoc on his emotional equilibrium. Not that his emotions had resembled anything close to an equilibrium in years, but at night he was forced to give up any pretense. 

As much as he pretended to avoid news of the First Order, it was inevitable to avoid it altogether. The rapid consolidation of power with the newly ratified treaties and the harshly executed conquests made for excellent headlines and conversation fodder everywhere he went. He could hardly  _ not _ hear about how the First Order had been disastrously stymied in the Sloo system by a former Crimson Dawn cell, which should have been an easy win. It was an embarrassment, to be sure. 

He wondered if Rey was alright. 

If he wasn’t thinking about that, it was his research, which had been a jumbled mess. Maz had only been able to give him the barest hint of a lead to begin his inquiries, but between the fall of the Republic and then the Empire and the general lack of precedent, he really had gotten no further in his quest to understand the bond and what it meant. What had started as a puzzle had become an obsession. 

His mother wanted him back, he could tell from their regular holocalls that it wasn’t enough to just talk to him. She wanted him back and not just for how he could help the Resistance, which was struggling, but to be each other’s support. They were the only family they had now. 

But he couldn’t let this go. Sometimes, like now, in the furthest hours of the night, it would frighten him, the not knowing. It made him sick to his stomach to wonder at its significance, made his head ache to stress over its consequences. Maybe he had been looking for the wrong sources. 

Maybe for once the bond knew he was thinking about it. He felt it coming, rising softly in his awareness like ripples on a lake, growing into a wave that overtook and doused him with that unique sense of her, a singularity in the Force. 

He sat up, the bedding twisted around him. “Do you still have it?”

Rey was coiled in her own blankets, her back aligned rigidly against the wall. She looked exhausted, her eyes slightly unfocused, her hair an unbound mass over her shoulder. He wondered if she was in her own rooms, or on a shuttle, or some borrowed accommodations planetside. 

“Have what?” she asked flatly.

“The pearl,” he said. “The pearl I gave you.”

Her lips pressed together. “Yes.”

“How’d you get it?”

“They took it from you on Starkiller, when you were processed for interrogation.”

“Oh.”

“How’d you get it? I thought I’d lost it.”

Seeing her out of context, he could remember other late nights, sitting on the steps of the Temple, wrapped in the rough quilts of the Academy. They had been just children. So much time had elapsed, separating them from simpler times, although they’d seemed complicated at the time. 

“I found it the day after you left Alaris Prime.”

“Ah.”

“Have you ever wondered why?” 

“What kind of question is that?” she scoffed. 

“It’s always been you.” He said it plainly, his gaze unwavering. 

She turned slightly, so that she was in profile to him, soft against the glowpanel. He studied her, the curve of her jaw to her throat, the point of her brow to her nose. 

“You felt things as I do. Even before we met, across lightyears I knew you were there, understanding how I experienced life. I felt  _ you _ .” 

“I was just a child then. How could I have known anything about your life? I didn’t even know your name.” 

“But you knew me.” 

She didn’t respond to that. They both knew it was true even though it should’ve been impossible. 

“Those first nights, on Chandrila...” He drifted off; he didn’t have to say it. They were both remembering. How she had been fighting her awakening in the Force, wrestling with the Dark Side, and she had clung to him, the only familiar thing in a strange, new world. How had they known each other, even then. 

“I was desperate and frightened and lonely,” she offered. “You were the strongest Force sensitive nearby. It was convenient.” 

“Convenient like hell,” he chuckled, then stopped as his own amused noise echoed awkwardly in the bond. “You’re the least convenient thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

“I was a child,” she retorted, but it wasn’t defensive. It might have also been amused. 

“So was I,” he pointed out. 

“I always wanted to make my own choices,” she said. “That’s all I wanted, to know that I was in control.” 

He watches her look down at her hands, twisted in the blanket. 

“What if I make the wrong choices?” she whispered. 

“You could leave,” he said quietly. 

That was the wrong thing to say. 

“No,” she snapped. She rose to her feet, the covers dropping away. She was still wearing her armor, minus the cape and gloves and thick robes that made up her uniform. It was flexible, molded to her form like an exoskeleton. She had no soft edges, scowling at him across the room. “If you’re having regrets, don’t put them on me.” 

“You said –” 

“I said nothing of the sort.” 

He stared at her, his jaw tight. “Fine.” 

She smirked cruelly. “Fine.” 

~---~

The next time they connected, neither acknowledged the other. 

Ben didn’t even bother turning around, focusing furiously on the datapad where he had compiled all his research notes. It took a concerted effort to ignore her within the activated bond, especially when his theories told him that he wouldn’t be able to ignore her, at least not for long. 

Because it would be like ignoring a part of himself. 

The bond was much more than he had previously imagined.

But because he was a stubborn bastard, he gave his best shot at ignoring her simmering presence. 

He regretted it as soon as she vanished, leaving him alone. 

~---~

It had been almost a month, but he was ready when he felt the bond drawing them together. 

“What the  _ hell _ do you think you’re trying to do?” he hissed at her. 

She spun the staff idly in her hand. She looked thinner with hollow eyes and flat cheeks, but maybe it was just the way her hair clung with sweat to her reddened face. She was wearing her training gear, clearly having exerted herself just recently. “I don’t  _ think _ I’m  _ trying _ to do anything. I’m Supreme Leader.” 

“You nearly killed my mother!” 

She crossed her bare arms, glaring up at him. “The Resistance is interfering with the First Order’s objectives. I did what I needed to, and I’ll continue to do what I must.” 

“No,” Ben growled. “You don’t touch her. Understand? If you’re angry at me, hit me. Not her.” 

Rey’s nostrils flared. 

More quietly, he said, “I know you don’t want to kill her.” 

Leia hadn’t told Ben how close it had been when they’d talked. He’d had to hear it from Finn, who told him in a low voice how the Knights of Ren had nearly blown up Leia’s transport before they’d been able to make the jump to hyperspace. It was incredible the starship didn’t disintegrate on the way, limping through deep space.

Rey looked away. “Who says I’m angry at you?” she asked. 

He jerked his shoulders in a stiff shrug. “You’re always angry at me.” 

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?” 

He narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

She waved a hand dismissively. “It was just a show of strength. The High Command demanded –” She stopped herself, then admitted, “I wouldn’t have let them hurt her.” 

He scoffed. “I don’t care. You’re not to hurt her, you’re not to touch her either.” 

“Well, if you’re so eager to offer yourself up in her stead, why are you running away from me?” 

“I’m not.” 

“Don’t pretend I don’t know what you’re doing. Running all over the galaxy, always got your nose in a holobook, trying to read the answer to all our problems and fix whatever has us hobbled to each other.” 

“That’s not what I’m doing.” 

“Isn’t it?” 

“No. I’m not running from you, Rey.” 

“You keep saying that. You made it very clear last time you wanted to leave.” 

He sighed. “I can’t run away from you. And I don’t want to, either. I just want to understand  _ this.”  _ He waved at the space around them. 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot,” she muttered. 

“So I’ve heard.” 

Rey turned away. “I promise you Leia won’t be harmed.” 

His eyes slid down her form unconsciously. “Thank you.” 

“Hmm.” She turned and caught him looking. She smirked, her sallow expression brightening for just a second. “It’s not a favor that you have to thank me for.” 

He glanced away, and when he looked back, she was gone. 

~---~

The bond awakened just after dawn on the planet where he was currently holed up. He barely glanced up from the stacks of parchment he’d been reading through, but he was forced to do a double-take when he caught sight of her position. 

“Rey?” 

She seemed to be collapsed in on herself, sitting on the floor with her head on her arms. He hadn’t realized he had stood and walked towards her until his hand almost brushed her shoulder. 

“Switch off, Ben.” 

He stalled his movement, confused and concerned at the lack of venom in her tone. 

“It’s so kriffing  _ annoying _ ,” she groaned. 

He clenched his hand, forcing it back to his side. “What?” 

“This  _ bond _ ,” she snapped, raising her hand to scrape a hand over her face. “No respect for privacy.” Her voice cracked on the last word. 

Ben shifted his weight. He couldn’t leave her, even if he wanted to. The bond wouldn’t release them until it was satisfied. And anyway, he didn’t want to leave her. 

"How are you?” he queried hesitantly. 

She scoffed. “What kind of asinine question is that?” 

He grimaced. “What do you want me to ask?” 

She lifted her bloodshot eyes to his. “Not that.” 

“Well...” 

“Are you happy?” 

He collapsed gracelessly to sit cross-legged beside her, facing the opposite way than she was. “Now who’s asking the dumb questions?” 

“Is this what you wanted?” 

“No.” He shrugged. “But I’ve never gotten what I wanted, so.” 

He felt her scrutinizing his face. “What do you want?” 

His eyes darted to hers, feeling his breath catch in his chest. “Things I can’t have.” 

“You could have, if you let yourself.” 

Kriff if she didn’t sound a little desperate. “Maybe,” he said, reaching up to drag the parchments to the edge of the table and rolling them up. They hadn’t told him anything he didn’t know already. 

“Did you find the answers you were looking for?” 

He grimaced. “Maybe. I don’t know.” 

“And?” 

His gaze flickered up to hers again. He was drawn into her hazel eyes, so wide and open she could’ve been eighteen again, asking him to choose her rather than his fears. 

“Rey –” 

But she was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will not be typical of the story, but I'd still love to hear your thoughts so leave a comment or kudos!
> 
> I also did character profiles over on [here on tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/search/isifoy%20promo) if you want to check them out and catch up with our mains before we jump in next chapter. And of course, subscribe for updates 😊
> 
> Next update in two weeks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder this is the fourth part of a series, so if you are thoroughly flummoxed by the previous chapter (or this one), that may be why :)
> 
> Thanks to my incredible betas, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The world was a hazy blur, heat shimmering from the flames gnawing on the ironwood trees and the resulting smoke obscuring her vision. But Kira was guided by instinct rather than her senses, her lightsaber smoking with the blood of her victims as she slashed her way through the Corvax Fen of Mustafar.

The Dark Side was addictive. 

There was nothing that could compare to that high, that feeling of pure control and power that danced in her veins when she gave into it. Letting it take over, not giving a damn about anyone else, knowing that she didn’t fear the consequences – she wanted to bathe in that feeling, let it soak into her pores, revel in it. 

On the worst days, it was the only thing she truly had. But it was what she had chosen, wasn’t it? 

Hux being a condescending prick? The First Order High Command asking too much? Ben being his typical infuriating self? 

The Dark Side could wash those things away every time, letting her forget about it. That is until she crashed, burnt out from the all-consuming frenzy. It left her a pale, wraith-like version of herself, wrung out like a rag that has been bleached too many times. 

The Alazmec cultist on her lightsaber wheezed, coughing blood that splattered across her mask, turning her world crimson as the limp body was held aloft by the angle of her blade. She tilted it, letting the newly minted corpse slide off in a heap on the ashen ground. Her own body, now hollowed and used, shook with the void left behind. Kira turned slowly on her heel, eyes roving across the destruction before her. Carbonized irontree trunks, burning and charred, standing over the fallen forms of the other cultists. 

It was one of the less attractive aspects of the Dark Side, she supposed. With all that power, the call for worship was almost unavoidable. The weak ones would prostrate themselves, grovel on their bellies for just a taste of the freedom she had. 

They weren’t so different from her Knights, in a way. They stayed with her hoping that some of her power would transfer to them. Her Knights just had more discipline than some. 

She’d lost track of them in the frenzy. They were fine, of course, probably scouring the area for Dark artifacts or straggling cultists. That’s why they’d come to Mustafar, to make sure that the Alazmec of Winset weren’t sheltering a Sith prodigy or something equally stupid in the Corvax Fen. While the High Command was worried about the First Order’s political rivals, she had to be worried about threats on another plane entirely. They didn’t seem to understand her preoccupation with rooting out Darksiders, but she was Supreme Leader, after all. 

When she’d told Hux her plan, his face hadn’t twitched, not even a faint lift of an eyebrow. Which, of course, for him was the equivalent of a dramatic eye roll and an exaggerated sigh. Although perhaps she deserved his derision because they both knew she was ignoring the most obvious threat. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that Kylo was an uncontrolled threat. But she wasn’t going to destroy Ben. 

Kira licked the salt of sweat from her lips, her chest heaving. How many had she destroyed? Dozens, at least. Why they’d decided to attack her, she didn’t know. Maybe they were trying to defend something, that Dark Side wunderkind she’d made up as an excuse to come, although she hadn’t sensed any such being when they made planetfall. Or maybe they saw themselves as martyrs. She didn’t think there was a difference between defense and martyrdom here; to stand in her way was death. 

She knew the ruined site of Darth Vader’s castle wasn’t far outside of Corvax Fen. The convergence of the Dark called to her, a smoldering gravity that gnawed at her bones and made them ache for more. She both craved it and loathed it, already exhausted from her rampage but knowing the Darkness would grant her some much-desired vitality. 

“Master.” 

Kira turned to find Tirian Ren had materialized from between the burning trees. Where had he been this whole time? Frowning, she wiped a gloved palm across her silvery mask to clear the ash and blood of battle from her visor. 

“Tirian Ren.” 

He removed his own helmet, shaking out his fine light brown hair with a flick of his head before fixing his copper eyes on her. “We discovered the cultists’ settlement. We found nothing there of significance and disposed of the inhabitants.” 

“Fine,” she said, already turning her thoughts back to Vader’s fortress. Snoke had visited here, delved into the catacombs beneath the crumbling castle. Maybe she’d find what he had, something to reinforce her resolve. She’d chosen the Dark after all. She’d be a hypocrite to backtrack now, even if it was slowly grinding her down. 

“Would you like to inspect it for yourself?” he inquired. 

“What?” 

“Would you like to inspect the settlement?” 

She frowned again. “You said yourself there was nothing of significance there.” 

“I believe I said we did not find anything of significance, Master,” Tirian returned with an apathetic shrug. “I had assumed you’d like to make certain. You have always been more perceptive.” 

This was a test of some sort; he wasn’t being particularly subtle about it. Kira scanned Tirian’s face for traces of dishonesty. She knew the Knights were beginning to pull away, to doubt her ability. Silyana had said as much, disappointment in her eyes, before being sent off on another redundant mission to track down the Resistance. 

“No,” she said to Tirian. “I trust your judgement.”

Tirian’s eyes narrowed and he donned his mask once again. Kira turned on her heel, taking long strides through the irontrees. After a moment she heard the Knight’s footsteps following, breaking into a run to catch up. 

Kira ignited her lightsaber before she realized why, raising it to parry the plasma blade Tirian swung at her back. She immediately wheeled back, deflecting the blaster shot that darted towards her heart. Three more laser bolts shrieked off her blade before she heard the laughter. 

“I suppose that would’ve been too easy,” Ymiré Ren called, approaching between the burning timber. 

Kira sank into a defensive pose, spreading her stance and trying to keep both traitorous Knights in her sight. There was barely time to turn and raise her blade before spitting a familiar opponent on her longer blade. Akkerd’s daggers were poised to slash her neck and side, where her armor wouldn’t have provided protection. Akkerd dropped his weapons, body spasming. With a downward wrench she disemboweled him straight down the abdomen. Kira cried out as Ymiré struck her in the back, the armor absorbing the worst of it before she ripped the lightsaber from Akkerd’s gut to block her next shots. She leapt over a fallen trunk to put a barrier between her and the errant Knights, greedy flames that danced along the bark snagging at her robes. Her boot landed on something soft and she stumbled off, but not before she glanced down and saw the corpse tucked beneath the tree was wearing a familiar mask. Dorrit Ren, who believed in a code of honor and loyalty.

“You have become weak,” Tirian spat, readjusting his grip on his saber as he watched her retreat. 

Kira didn’t reply, occupied with deflecting Ymiré’s persistent fire. She gritted her teeth, sending two shots back at the female Knight, who dodged the first one but shrieked as the second one caught her side and fell, moaning in pain. Kira focused on Tirian, the other lightsaber user moving closer. 

“I followed you for a chance at true glory,” Tirian sneered. “I was a fool.” 

He saluted her like this was some formal duel back in their structured days at the Academy rather than an ambush, before settling into his stance. 

The void inside her echoed with the cacophony of blazing wrath. He claimed to not be a fool, but she knew he wouldn’t take a risk without encouragement. Furthermore, he was an arrogant prick to believe he knew the depth of her pain or her power. She was beyond exhausted, but the planet was brimming with Dark energy. 

It nearly drained her, but she pulled it to herself, opening her body to it, letting it fill her. With a scream of rage, she thrust her hand and sent Tirian flying back to crack his skull against the ironwood. Tirian’s consciousness went dark like a black hole and Kira fell to her knees, the hot ash on the ground burning through her robes. 

~---~

Kira Ren made a fearsome Supreme Leader of the First Order, Hux mused. 

Some nightmares grow lesser when exposed to the daylight. Kira Ren was not one of them. 

While her name had already been synonymous with terror and destruction when she served under Snoke, the mention of her had evoked more of a brief apprehension than an actual feeling of dread. That had changed when she declared herself Supreme Leader, beginning a harsh and seemingly arbitrary restructuring of the Order’s management, and launched a brutal subjugation of the systems it controlled. Her violent ventures were spread throughout the media and soon everyone even in the most distant star systems began to worry about her aims. 

In short, she made excellent propaganda. The First Order’s expansion had been rapid with her at the fore, crimson lightsaber carving away anything that stood in her way. 

It had been awfully convenient for Hux. 

Honestly, he couldn’t have planned it better if he tried. While she was the exact opposite of a good tactician or politician, her strength and sheer power made quick work of any obstacles encountered, whether in a meeting of High Command or on the battlefield. Her methods didn’t win any allies, not that she wanted them, scorn blatant even behind the mask. When he was alone, Hux allowed himself a chuckle that someone who hated the First Order more than its staunchest adversaries had become its chief. 

Becoming the head of the military had been disgustingly easy. Sure, he had blackmail material against her, but he had been loath to leverage it against someone who was so mercurial, especially during those first few weeks when everything was in shambles. But during those critical days after Snoke’s demise he had been disgusted to realize that on some level, she trusted him. He supposed it had been the result of their shared discipline under the late Supreme Leader and the unavoidable exposure of vulnerabilities. It made his skin crawl to think of those times when they had to rely each other for survival. 

His appointment as Ren’s second had almost seemed like an afterthought from her end, but he made sure to rub it in Pryde’s face along with the other Imperial holdovers who had always sneered down their noses at him. Subtly, of course. But Hux had gambled and won, if barely. 

The intervening months had been full of calculated risks. Ren’s rule had shaken the leadership, destabilizing the Order’s structure. Each day was a hair-raising game of not pissing her off, and he often fell into his bunk exhausted, diving headlong into a dreamless sleep that was always too short. He was convinced the dark circles under his eyes were a permanent fixture by now. 

The timing was delicate. He had to allow adequate time for his plans to come together without giving her the chance to either solidify her authority or completely fracture the Order. It drove him to distraction second-guessing himself, trying to appease the other senior officers while also gratifying her impulsive choices. The High Command didn’t want a warmonger as Supreme Leader, no matter how belligerent their strategies appeared to the rest of the galaxy. It was in the name; they wanted  _ order, _ not chaos. 

Now, waiting anxiously for news from the Knights, Hux felt sweat gather in his underarms and tugged at the bottom hem of his coat. The seam there was already unraveling and it only made him want to pick at it more, but he forcibly relaxed his hands, straightening his posture as he stared out the viewport. 

“Allegiant General,” one of the communications officers called. 

Hux strode over to the pit, looking down at the young officer. “Yes?” 

“Knight Tirian Ren has established contact.” 

“Good. I’ll take his call in the holochamber.” 

“Yes, General.” 

The door to the small private room off the bridge slid shut behind him, and he made sure to lock it and engage the silencing feature before facing the blue flickering hologram waiting for him. 

“Hux.” 

“Ren.” Hux eyed the knight’s image, but as usual his detached expression betrayed nothing. “What do you have to report?” 

Tirian Ren paused for just the slightest moment, and in that moment all of Hux’s fears were realized. 

“The plan for ambush had to be adjusted for the circumstances,” Tirian said. “However, the Knights I’ve persuaded improvised without complaint.” 

“But,” Hux ground out. 

“Kira Ren has escaped, General,” Tirian admitted. Even through the blue haze of the holoimage, Hux could imagine how the Knight’s copper eyes darkened with a hint of fear. “It seems she was not entirely caught off guard, and though she was wounded and depleted, she managed to slip free of our snare.” 

Hux’s breath stuttered. “Where is she?” 

Tirian clasped his hands behind his back. “We’re not certain.” 

“You mean to say she’s  _ missing?”  _ Hux hissed. 

“Exactly so.” 

Hux was trembling. The least the Knight could do was display some sort of reaction to their abject failure. Although the detachment may have been dissociation, his expression faintly pinched as though in pain.

This was worse, so much worse than he’d imagined. Not only had they failed to take out Kira Ren, she was on the loose who knew where. He suppressed the urge to look over his shoulder, anticipating the glint of her faceless silver helm to be floating in the shadows of the room. 

Abruptly, Hux stamped down his rising panic. He needed more information to reassert control of the situation. Tirian’s lips twitched as if sensing Hux’s resolve. 

“She was wounded.” 

“Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.” 

Hux glared; obviously, otherwise she’d be dead as they’d originally intended. 

“I believe she may have been surprised with our betrayal, incredibly. Denial can be a powerful thing.”

“But she used her pain, didn’t she?” 

“Ah, I see you do know something of the Dark Side, General.” He gave Hux a pitying smile. “Yes, she channeled her pain and managed to overpower us. Although, I do believe she may have done that regardless. You consistently underestimate her abilities.” 

Hux glared. “You agreed to this plan.” 

Tirian raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t foolish enough to feel certain that Kira Ren could simply be done away in a night. As you apparently were.” 

“You  _ assured  _ me –” 

“I  _ told  _ you I believed there was a possibility we could accomplish it. We did not.” 

Hux felt the beginnings of a headache pulsing in his temples and he let out a slow breath from his teeth. “The other Knights?” 

“The dissenter is dead, as well as one of ours. Ymiré Ren is injured, and the other Knight on the ancillary mission has yet to report her progress.” 

“Are you totally incapable of anything?” Hux exploded. “I expected you to take care of the Supreme Leader once and for all.” 

“I did,” Tirian pointed out mildly. “She is the Supreme Leader no longer. The position is vacant and there is nothing to obstruct you from taking it.” 

“The bitch is alive, you idiot! We haven’t seen the last of her by far.” 

“Yes. And we will be ready, as we must.” 

The man was still infuriatingly calm and Hux felt his rage returning full force. He drew back his shoulders, mimicking the knight’s detached formality. 

“Dismissed, Ren.” 

Tirian raised his chin. “General.” 

The hologram wavered out of existence, leaving Hux alone in the room. 

“Kriff.” Then louder: “ _ Kriff!” _

He couldn’t, wouldn’t give in to the urge to break something, punch the wall, because that was what separated him from Kira Ren, made him superior despite her unfair advantage as a Force-wielder. 

He lifted the comm on his wrist, opening the encrypted channel that would allow him to contact Lieutenant Stynnix anywhere at any time of the day. 

“Yes, General?” 

“Things have evolved,” he stated shortly. “Your research has become of utmost importance. Compile what you’ve discovered of Ren’s history, as well as her connection to the bounty hunter.” 

Stynnix sounded hesitant. “But, the Supreme Leader –” 

“You’re speaking to the Supreme Leader.” 

“Apologies, Leader Hux.” The response was immediate, and Hux felt assuaged that at least someone else knew how to play the game, unlike that idiot knight. 

“Can you be ready in two hours?” 

“Of course, Supreme Leader.” 

“Excellent.” Hux ended the connection. A sudden throb of pain from his other hand had him looking down at his fingertip. He’d been picking at the seams of his uniform again, and he found a good portion of the nail had been ripped away and it was now bleeding indignantly. He cursed under his breath. 

He was about to go face the First Order as their new leader, and it wouldn’t do to have anything out of order, any sign of that damnable humanity that he found so repulsive in Kira Ren. He went to the viewport, checking his reflection for any betrayal of his recent distress, squeezing his finger and waiting for the  bleeding to stop. Now was not the time for neurosis. He would succeed where Kira Ren had failed, bringing the First Order to heel, and with it, the galaxy. 

~---~

Silyana paced the opulent bedroom, indulging one of her favorite pastimes: cursing Hux’s name with a series of oaths and threats formed with malevolence borne of familiarity. The rat-faced general had outdone himself this time. 

She tried to connect Kira’s personal comm channel, relaying the intergalactic signal through the unregistered yacht she’d flown here to Cantonica, but there was still no answer. That was her last try; anymore attempts and the First Order would know exactly where she was, if they didn’t already. There were benefits to being on an undercover covert mission when one was ambushed, she supposed. It made it that much easier to slip away when the ambush failed to take her out. 

She’d thrown a silk sheet over the body in the corner, because despite her reputation as a mildly unhinged murderess, she didn’t like death. Was it a weakness? Maybe, but she didn’t think so. Having a reverence for death was what separated her from the psychopaths. She didn’t kill because she could, but because it was necessary, earned. 

Chaq Ren had earned it. Attacking her in her sleep – that was cowardly and unbelievably stupid. It also meant that the Chiss knight had thrown her lot in with that backstabbing idiot Hux, which was condemning all on its own. Silyana knew her loyalty to Kira was unique, but it still disgusted her that another Knight of Ren had been so easily turned. 

And she’d bet her lightsaber that if Chaq had turned, so had Tirian. That little shit was always too cozy with Hux and she’d been a fool to believe him when he said he wouldn’t betray them. Although maybe at the time it had been true. Which of the Knights had chosen to turn against their master? 

Kira had neglected the Knights since she’d become Supreme Leader. Withdrawn from them, she spent increasing amounts of time alone, emerging only to go on last-minute missions or to attend required meetings with the High Command, leaving most of the First Order’s daily operations to Hux. If Silyana had dared to broach the topic of her style of rule, Kira’s anger would flare up and she’d send her off on yet another solo mission to track down the Resistance. 

Silyana wasn’t stupid. 

Find the Resistance, find Ben. 

It was always about Ben with her – Kira, Rey, whatever she preferred to be called at the time. Silyana had seen Rey’s potential ever since they were apprentices together at old Skywalker’s academy. Maybe it was a bit of an obsession, but she wanted to see that potential fulfilled. With or without Ben, she didn’t care. He’d always been indifferent to her. 

But if Silyana was able to find him and drag him back to Kira, maybe she’d stop being so kriffing distracted and get on with it. 

Which is how Silyana had landed on Cantonica by herself, shadowing a First Order mole that was passing off information on First Order troop movements to the Resistance. The Resistance contact was a slippery target, but he’d have to falter eventually, and Silyana would be there to nail him when he did. 

That was until Chaq had shown up with her indiscernible expression claiming their master had sent her to assist. Silyana had been an idiot not to have seen right through the excuse, but with Kira’s recent desperation, she hadn’t thought it unusual. 

Growling, she halted her pacing in front of the draped corpse to glare down at it with her hands on her hips. 

If Kira was unresponsive, then presumably she was also the recipient of a similarly clumsy but isolating attempt on her life. Silyana was cut off from support, in the dark about who was a friend now. Her off-planet transportation was compromised and alternate means of escaping the system would be needed. 

Stomping through the luxurious suite to the receiving area, she began rummaging in the bar for any kind of strong liquor. The miniature bottle of top shelf Corellian whiskey was a pleasant surprise, burning away all doubts with the taste of her homeworld. Like always, the reminder of where she’d come from brought focus as clear as the path of a lodestone . She hadn’t pulled herself out of that trash heap for nothing. 

She may not know who her allies were at the moment, but she knew who her enemies were. And, well, enemy of her enemy is her friend, right? 

The body was still warm but she didn’t want to move it yet or pay someone off to do it for her. She turned the atmosphere controls down as cold as the resort suite’s system would allow, then replaced the undergarments she wore to sleep for the outfit she’d chosen for the casino: a deceptively elegant but practical black jumpsuit that concealed her many weapons of choice. 

Smoothing her hands of her figure to check that nothing illegal or suspicious was visible, she allowed herself to smirk at her reflection. This would do just perfectly. With one more shot of whiskey, she strode from the suite, letting the door swish shut behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please share your thoughts - I love discussing the story and characters with you all 😊
> 
> Next update on 6/21


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to my amazing betas, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Ben Solo sat in the cockpit of the  _ Millennium Falcon _ , staring blankly out of the viewport. 

This had been one of the last places on the list, one he had truly been hoping to avoid. But he’d finally become so frustrated at his own cowardice he’d punched the coordinates into the navcomp before he could back out. 

Compared to some of the locations he’d been to in the past months, Alaris Prime was actually easier to reach. Uninhabited, and since the New Republic had been essentially destroyed by Starkiller Base, it was no longer cordoned off like the location of some toxic chemical spill. No one hindered him when he dropped from orbit towards the former site of Luke’s Jedi Academy. Despite the intervening years, the descent through the atmosphere was routine, Ben having done this a hundred times when he returned from training exercises aboard the  _ Grey Kestrel.  _

Ben was sure there wouldn’t be much of anything left after the fire and the Republic’s investigation into the incident. Certainly no texts or datacubes that would tell him who was right, the Light or the Dark? What did the bond mean? Who was he supposed to be? How did he repair the damage he’d done? 

He gave up on answers in the first couple months, remembering Rey’s sneers at his research efforts whenever the bond brought them together. Now he would settle for guidance, anything that could either affirm or refute what he was beginning to suspect, the conclusion his feelings were pulling him towards. 

Thus he’d begun visiting known vergences and foci of the Force, Light and Dark and even in between, trying to reach out to the ghosts of the past, hoping for someone with an acquired perspective that he wouldn’t be able to find in pages written by the living. 

“This was a mistake,” he said to no one, his words falling flat in the empty cockpit. He’d dropped Chewbacca off at Kashyyyk before making the jaunt over to Alaris Prime. The Wookiee hadn’t been home in too long and anyway Ben hadn’t wanted the company for this trip. He briefly contemplated just leaving; the sublight engines were still warm and he could be gone in a few minutes. But he hadn’t come here just to look at the grassy field from behind cold transperisteel. 

Ben disembarked slowly, the warm scent of dry grasses filling his nose, and he was immediately assaulted by ghosts, though not the kind he’d hoped for. 

There was little Rey, running up the slope towards the temple, her skinny limbs pumping and triple buns bouncing as she tried to keep up with his loping strides, her brow creased with exertion. 

Joerian Andor with a devilish smirk, jumping from behind one of the dwellings to startle Shul Vaal, causing the older blue-skinned Twi’lek boy to drop the pile of medical texts he’d been carrying to study in his room as Joerian collapsed in a pile of giggles while Shul shook his head and quiet amusement crinkled his green eyes before Joerian jumped up to help him collect his books. 

Rey, hazel eyes sparkling, climbing onto the low roof of Ben’s dwelling to ambush him when he emerged, leaping onto his back as he staggered forward with a shout, snagging her gangly legs before rushing up the hill as she squealed. 

Ryl Trinja, the eldest Jedi Knight, frowning thoughtfully in the shadow of the temple as she sat next to Lalae Hilo, a golden-toned Togruta apprentice, as she debated some perplexing point of Jedi philosophy with animated gestures, Ryl throwing in an odd comment in the occasional pause. 

Rey, appearing in his doorway in the earliest hours of the morning when the only light was the faint stars and the luminescent magnetosphere, her woven blanket around her shoulders, knowing he had shared the same nightmares. 

Tirian and Tarith al Rael dueling with violet and blue lightsabers across the packed dirt at the bottom of the slope below the Temple, both Hapan brothers refusing to concede until they were sweaty and shaking with exhaustion, their metallic irises glinting in satisfaction. 

Rey racing across the grassy plains on the Academy’s speeders, her lean form bent over the handles, Ben chasing after as she laughed into the wind as her unbound hair whipped behind her. 

Silyana teasing Zarr Ricin, the Falleen apprentice, from her cross-legged seat in the grass as he tried to stack the smooth stones in a stable pyramid, his brow crumpling in frustration, before she leapt up and stacked them by hand until he allowed a begrudging smile. 

But of course, everywhere, everywhere was Rey. 

It didn’t look like that last day, blurry memories of mud and fire and rain and blood. It looked like the good times, the grass waving cheerily in a gentle wind, the sun warming his pale skin. The breeze blew across the plain, tossing hair into his eyes. Inhaling deeply, his trembling fingers rose to rake the untidy strands back. 

This was definitely a mistake. 

Ben forced himself to move, walking up the rise towards the burnt-out shell of what had once been the Academy’s temple. 

Mounds of decomposed and charred wroshyr timber covered in soil, brambles, and flowering grasses marked where dwellings of an almost family had once stood. Were there graves, or did the Republic soldiers bury the bodies elsewhere? 

The timbers of the stone temple had collapsed in the fire, and then apparently excavated by the Republic, leaving the structure open to the sky. 

The Force convergence pulled Ben inside the temple, his footsteps softened by the dirt and weeds growing in the cracks of the once polished floor. He sat cross-legged, spine straight as he had so many days under Luke’s tutelage. 

It was somehow harder to resent his uncle when he was dead. Futile. But being here was a stark reminder of both the good and the bad days. Ironically, Ben could identify with Luke’s obsessive search for artifacts that took them across the galaxy to many Jedi ruins. He was alone just as Luke had been, looking to the past for wisdom. He was a student with no teacher whom others looked to for hope. His mother hadn’t said as much, fearful of pushing him away, but she wanted his help with the Resistance. He wasn’t ready for that, not yet.

Luke had tried, despite his misgivings. Ben could admit now that the teachings had been misguided if well-intentioned; he had been ill-suited for the Jedi pedagogy, as had Rey. But back then? He didn’t have the perspective to notice the subtleties. 

He was more attuned, more travelled now. Ben’s eyes slid shut, exhaling through soft lips. 

Swirling thoughts subsiding from a vortex to a slow stream. There was the Light within himself, reaching out to the Light of the vergence his physical body sat above. He held back a moment, taking the time to relax more fully into his self-awareness. 

There was Darkness, also. Always had been. It had changed, though, after his years of being cut off from the Force. It wasn’t some repressed, explosive substance in the corner of his mind, threatening to overwhelm him. Now it was much more relaxed, twining through his thoughts and memories with a casualness that was startling. 

He dove deeper, past the surface. 

Where Snoke had once resided was a refreshing sense of peace. No longer did he feel the ache of the invasion, like a pressure injury caused by constant friction or a bruise that was prodded until it was overly tender. Now his mind was firm, strong, whole. 

And then there was the thing that perplexed him the more he dwelt on it; the bond with Rey, present in his mind. It wasn’t like the connection to Snoke, damaging and intrusive. It was much more natural, so innate as to be invisible. It was so interwoven with his memories and personality he never would have been able to recognize it as its own intricacy if it hadn’t manifested with their intermittent physical connections. That wasn’t to say it didn’t affect him. He imagined that if he could isolate it he could perhaps parse its unique influence on his precepts and character. But it was like the Light and the Dark, elements of the Force, so much a part of him as to be indistinguishable. 

Abruptly, Ben pulled back. He was falling too far into himself, although it was fascinating and his search had done little to alleviate his curiosity. Nothing could tell him what the bond was, what it meant. Did Rey similarly meditate on what their bond was? 

Satisfied he was sufficiently centered, Ben expanded beyond the limits of his own mind. What better way to understand a Force bond than ask those who were one with the Force? 

_ I seek guidance regarding the connection I share with someone in the Force. _

He waited. 

_ I have questions. _ He paused, then added a  _ please? _

Nothing. No one. 

_ I want to understand my place in all this. _

Luke was ignoring him. He just  _ knew  _ it.

Ben tried several more times before mentally throwing up his hands. 

_ Well kriff you too, _ he thought, yanking his consciousness back into himself. He stood abruptly and then nearly teetered over, his stiff muscles screeching in protest. “Kriff,” he snarled aloud, shoving off the wall.

When he stomped back to the  _ Falcon _ , he found several notifications of missed transmissions from his mother. Ben immediately returned the call, worried about what would have her so frantic to reach him. 

“Ben?” 

The warmth in her voice as she said his given name made him relax. “Hello, Mother.” 

Her blue hologram gave him a tired smile. “I’m sorry if I worried you. I just knew you’d want to hear this right away.” 

He frowned. “What is it?” 

“Something’s happened.” 

Ben bit back his impatience, knowing that for all her years of experience negotiating and orating, she still didn’t feel comfortable talking to her son. 

“It’s about the First Order. Hux has declared himself Supreme Leader.” 

Ben’s mind raced. “How? When?” 

“Within the last twelve hours. Rey – Kira Ren has disappeared. Hux claims she’s dead, but we haven’t gotten confirmation.” 

“She’s not dead.” He’d know, he’d feel it immediately, just like he had with Luke and his father. No, not just like them. He’d feel it in the bond, too, and he knew he didn’t want to know what that loss felt like. Probably as if he himself was dying. 

“I’m glad,” Leia said. 

Ben stared at his mother’s image, surprised. 

“Don’t act so shocked,” she huffed. 

“She’s your enemy,” he pointed out. 

“She’s a lot more than that,” Leia responded. “It’s not simply her versus us; it’s much more complex than that, as you well know.” 

Ben grunted. He knew all too well. 

“And frankly I’m not going to apologize for feeling some relief that the girl I cared for as a child hadn’t been shot in the back and dumped out of an airlock.” 

His lips twisted. “No need to be graphic, mother.” 

She seemed to be eyeing him intently through their connection. “Any success with reaching someone?” 

“No.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

The connection crackled.

He shrugged. “They never were interested in me.” 

Leia laughed. “They seemed fairly content with ignoring me too, despite my heritage. I can’t say I envy Luke for their attentions, though.” She sighed. “You know, rather than asking advice from a group of stodgy old dead men, you could just ask the girl yourself.” 

Ben looked sharply at Leia. He was certain he hadn’t told her about the bond’s manifestations, but she must have deduced something. She smiled. “I’ll let you know if I find out anything else about what happened to her,” Leia said quietly. 

“Thanks, Mother,” he rumbled.

She seemed about to say something more and he waited, gripping the armrests to brace himself for turning down her request to return once again, but she just said, “Stay safe, son.”

After they ended the connection, Ben went to the captain’s quarters and lay down on the bunk, trying to open the bond. He needed to speak with her, know that she was alright. But despite his best efforts, the Force continued to refuse him the answers he wanted. 

~---~

Finn scratched his ear, then opened his eyes. “I don’t know.” 

“Well, yes,” Rose said, jerking on her necklace’s pendant as Finn watched. The movement had become a sort of warning flare for him, alerting him that the mood was about to deteriorate. “Of course, you can’t say for sure, but you must have some idea, right? Just think like First Order. Ask yourself, what would Hux do?” 

Finn eyed her carefully. “I’d rather not, thanks.” 

Rose glared back. “You’re not going to turn into him because you tried to figure out what his next move is. I don’t like him either, but we need to know what he’s planning.” 

Finn sighed, wiping the sweat off his upper lip. It was stifling in the communications center, despite the fans positioned at the edges of the large tent. Rather than a cool breeze, it felt as if the thick soupy air was being stirred to more evenly distribute the heat. If he ever got out of this fight, he’d live on a planet that didn’t have such horrible humidity. That thought jolted him - he’d never had thoughts of an after.

“He’s never been Supreme Leader before,” Finn pointed out. “How am I supposed to know what he’s thinking?” 

“He’s not a new person; he’s still the same stiff-necked murdering conniving prick he always was,” Rose argued, her face twisting with disgust as she talked about the First Order general. 

“I don’t actually know him at all. We never saw him except during inspection. He was always on the bridge or...” Finn made a vague gesture. “Doing general things. All of his orders were passed down through Phasma.” He paused as she jerked at the necklace. “What do you think?” 

Rose straightened, staring off into the leafy foliage of the jungle floor. Finn watched her closely. Either she was thinking of an answer to his question, or she was losing herself in memories of Paige. He desperately hoped it was the former, and nearly sighed aloud when she spoke again.

“Hux adheres to the hierarchy. Doesn’t like to be engaged in the lower ranks,” she began.

“No, I guess not.” 

“Unless he thinks it’s personal, or makes him look weak, like you defecting. He was there at our execution.” 

_ Kriff.  _ Finn glanced up at Rose. She’d slumped on her stool, her toes brushing the floor as she remembered their time on the  _ Supremacy _ . He waited, biting his tongue. After a moment, he tentatively reached out a hand and touched her arm.

“Rose?”

She shook herself and turned to the console as though nothing had happened. Finn withdrew, stuffing his hands in his armpits. Still frowning, Rose tapped a few commands into the console. 

“We haven’t received any communication from Zeroes since Hux took over.” 

“It hasn’t even been a full day cycle. Give him some time, Rose. Zeroes will get it done.” 

“We should reach out.” She started to type more commands, her face intent. 

“Hey.” Finn jumped up and launched himself at the console, flipping it off. “Hey, we can’t do that.” 

“What the hell, Finn! You don’t ever mess with my workstation!” 

He stepped back, afraid she had her electrostunner on her. She looked angry enough to use it. Although, all things considered, he preferred angry Rose over sad Rose, but he had seen one flip to the other in the blink of an eye. A few other technicians in the tent looked over at the commotion. 

“It’s about the long game, Rose. We’re not going to lose our progress because you’re right. He doesn’t like to get involved with the stormtroopers. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t notice. It’s going to be fine. We’re going to nail him, alright? Promise.” 

She looked like she was going to either scream at him or cry. He still hadn’t determined how best to handle the crying. He was trying, though. 

“Fine,” she said. Her face shuttered in that hard, blank expression that was more painful than the crying or screaming. It reminded him of Kylo and his unaffected masks. “We’ll wait for them to contact us.” 

“Thank you,” he said, then cleared his throat. “Are you hungry?” 

“What?” 

He offered a small smile. “Your blood sugar is probably low. When’s the last time you ate?” 

She thought about it. “I don’t know.” 

“Okay, mess hall, then?” 

~---~

Poe swallowed another tasteless mouthful of rehydrated protein cubes, his throat convulsing several times as he tried not to gag. 

Even though he had developed a reputation of being all in for the Resistance, he would be first in line to lodge a complaint about the food. It had always been subpar but it had somehow managed to get worse since their confrontation with the First Order’s full armada. Although the Resistance had limped away in arguably better condition than the First Order, it had scared many of their financiers and suppliers away. 

That catastrophe was his fault. There was blood on his hands. Which was why he was working so hard trying to reinforce and build new alliances with every one of his assignments off base, if only so that whenever he did happen to be on base he could get some decent nourishment without the guilt smothering his appetite. 

He speared another cube on his utensil and held it up, twirling it around. The murmur of the ongoing conversations of the others in the mess hall washed over him. Besides the deteriorated quality of the meals, there was also the new sense of isolation. He was the only one seated at this part of the long table, the bench opposite him empty. It was deliberate on his part. Several of those in the mess hall had lost friends, partners, and family somewhere between Crait and Ajan Kloss and Poe added them all to his list, the one with Paige Tico’s name at the top. 

Poe glanced over the crowded room to where Rose sat across from Finn, their heads bent together in intense discussion. He’d seen them walk into the mess hall, Rose’s gaze skipping over him as she scanned for empty seats, then went to the far side of the room to eat. Finn had only seen him once they’d started tucking in, offering an apologetic grimace. Poe had shrugged, turning his eyes back down to his colorless meal. He’d find Finn later to see how he was doing and ask after Rose before he left for his next assignment, probably in a few days. 

“Dameron.” 

Poe looked up to find Kaydel Ko Connix standing across from him, her hands clasped behind her back. 

“Commander,” he greeted. 

“The General would like to see you.” 

“Oh. Sure.” Poe stood, picking up the tray. 

“You can finish eating first, if you’d like.” 

“No, I was done anyway.” 

Connix led the way out of the mess hall and into the thick air of the jungle base. BB-8 found him almost as soon as he stepped outside, a delighted wobble to his roll as if it had been hours rather than minutes since he’d last seen his owner. 

“Hey, buddy.” Poe smiled. “Gonna go see the General, alright?”

BB-8 chirped, settling beside Poe as they crossed the base. Connix kept slowing as though allowing Poe to catch up with her, but he would rather stay just a step behind with BB-8. It deterred conversation, which had been stilted and awkward since his demotion. 

They arrived at the general’s office, which was a series of canopies enclosed in netting that sat against a ridge in the forest floor. They entered, Poe ducking slightly even though the shelter was sufficiently high. 

“General Organa,” Connix said, saluting. 

Leia looked up from her worktable. “Ah, yes, thank you for bringing him, Commander.” 

Connix moved to the side with a nod. 

“How are you, Poe?” Leia asked.

Not Lieutenant Dameron, he noted. She really wanted to know how he was. He really didn’t want to tell her. 

“I’m fine, General. A little tired from all the traveling, but fatigue is nothing new.” 

“Hmm,” she said in agreement. “The reports I’ve received regarding your assignments have been overwhelmingly positive. We’re much farther than I’d have anticipated at this point.” 

“You couldn’t tell by the cafeteria food,” he joked unthinking, then grimaced. Leia hadn’t come close to the level of incandescent rage he’d provoked on the  _ Anodyne’s  _ bridge, but he still felt he had a great amount of insubordination to make up for. 

Leia laughed, Poe relaxing slightly. “You know as well as I do that the Resistance prioritizes a few other items before the flavor profile of our mess hall dishes. Although I do believe we’ll be getting a shipment of fresh cooking items in the next few days.” 

“That’s good to hear. And not just because I said the food tasted bad,” he spluttered before cutting himself off. 

“Oh, trust me, I agree,” Leia said, eyes sparkling at his self-imposed distress. “But we’re not here to discuss the kitchen’s lackluster menu.” 

“No, General.” 

“I realize you’ve just returned, but due to recent events we’ve had to shift you to cover this assignment.” 

He nodded, not sure what recent events were but he was willing to be flexible. 

“You know Kaydel’s in charge of intelligence.” 

His eyes jumped to Connix. He didn’t, in fact, know that. He was obviously aware of her promotion but he hadn’t been paying attention to the bigger picture of Resistance leadership and operations. Last time he’d involved himself it had gone very poorly. He found it better to just not. 

“One of her handlers is occupied but we need to contact one of her assets immediately. The information the asset could provide may be critical.” 

“How do we know that the asset will be willing to talk to me?” 

“According to the handler, the asset reached out and requested their meeting be moved up, stating the information was time-sensitive. As that wasn’t possible, the asset was made aware that someone else from the Resistance would be reaching out.” 

“You’re trusting me to do this?” Poe asked hesitantly. 

“I’ve heard that you claim to be able to charm the pants off of anyone,” she returned smoothly. 

Poe swung wide eyes to Connix, who flashed him a close-lipped grin.

“I don’t – what I meant was –”

“You’re good at talking with strangers and getting them to agree with you, right?”

“Yes.” Poe glanced at Connix again, wondering if he was walking into a trap. Maybe he had indulged in a little fun when he was off base, but that was always after his assignments were completed. He couldn’t afford to mess up anymore than he had, but he could afford to forget for a little bit. A few drinks paid from his own pocket shouldn’t get him in trouble.

Leia raised an eyebrow. “To be clear, I was using a figure of speech. I’m not asking you to seduce anyone. This is serious work, not some holoshow.” 

Poe spluttered, his cheeks heating. “I understood, General.” 

“Good. So you’ll do it?”

“I’ll do it.”

“Excellent. Kaydel will give you a rundown on the details of the mission. Dismissed.” 

He followed Connix to a tent nearby, BB-8 at his heels, where she handed him a datapad containing his briefing as they sat. 

“Read that over,” she said. “Then I can fill in any gaps.” 

Poe scrolled through the files, trying not to let his interest bleed onto his face. It seemed those who worked in intelligence had more interesting encounters than he did on the business liaison side. 

“Do you have any idea what the asset might want?” 

“We assume it’s about the power transition. They may even ask for an extraction, so be sure to read the contingency plan for that carefully.” 

“Extraction seems a little out of my experience. And wait – what power transition?” 

“You haven’t heard? Hux took over as Supreme Leader.” 

Poe blanched, imagining that relentless ambition and cruel efficiency leading the First Order. “That’s no good. Kriff.” 

Silence. 

“Other questions?” 

He set the datapad on the table between them, rapping his knuckles on it lightly before continuing. “Do you have something I could wear? I don’t have anything formal enough for Canto Bight.” 

“Sure. I’ll have a couple choices ready.” 

“Okay.” 

She gave him another smile. “Nervous?” 

He thought about it. “Not particularly. It’s the same as the business deals I’ve been working on, just with more cloak and dagger before and after the talking part.” 

Connix nodded. “That’s what the General thought. She trusts you, you know? Even after everything, she’s always trusted you.” 

Poe sighed. “She shouldn’t. I kriffed up royally.” 

Connix had handled herself well during the evacuation of Crait, well enough to earn her promotion to the rank of commander. It was odd to think if he hadn’t screwed up as magnificently as he had, she might not have been promoted. It was unfortunate it had taken them so long to realize how much more she deserved the title than he had. 

She frowned. “It’s good you’ve acknowledged your mistake, Poe. Now you need to step up, take responsibility for what you did.” 

“I did,” he grumped. “I got demoted.” 

“Yes, and now it’s your choice whether you’re going to lean in or pull back.” 

He sighed again, running a hand through his hair. 

“Now, if you don’t have any more questions, we’re done,” Connix announced. “Have yourself ready to leave in an hour.” 

Poe stood. “Yes, Commander.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on this chapter? Let me know! I love all your kudos and comments, and thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Next update will be July 5th


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for weeding out the overabundance of pronouns and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) for sewing up the plot holes and inconsistencies. You both are angels in the form of betas!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Kira shivered with fever, pulling her cloak tighter around shoulders weighed down by exhaustion. 

If Mustafar had been uncomfortably hot on the surface, the atmosphere in the catacombs beneath Vader’s ruined stronghold was oppressive. The air was still and steamy, the faint whiff of sulphurous gases reminding her of the tumultuous molten rivers hidden beneath the crust of black stone. Even if she didn’t collapse from hunger while she tried to force her mind to provide a solution to her predicament, the temperamental earth could shift, burying her alive, or a vent could open in the floor, burning her skin off with scalding poisonous gas. Still, if Tirian or Hux came after her, they’d be hard-pressed to find her in this deadly labyrinth. She would be fortunate to find her way out, even though she knew a small part of her mind was mapping the way back, a habit from navigating giant, twisted wrecks in the Jakku desert.

She’d first gone to the village, hoping to find some way to flee the planet besides her beloved but easily identifiable custom TIE Whisper. But the scene she’d found was exactly as Tirian had reported, nothing but slaughter and destruction. The acrid smoke and burnt flesh had turned her stomach, but more shocking than her nausea was the horror that raced through her at the decimation she’d found. Kira Ren thought she’d long since outgrown such sentiments, but her inner turmoil had loosened her control and she’d stumbled away, unable to face the result of her orders. 

Kira had found the entrance to the catacombs and entered without a second thought, taking the shelter against the twisted creatures that would emerge once the soot-gray sky was subsumed in darkness. The rations were dry and bland, the synthetic texture bringing up memories she blocked out with an unblinking stare fixed on crags of the black stone across from her. It seemed the unbreakable habit of keeping them on her person at all times had for once been useful. 

One minute, Supreme Leader of the First Order. The next minute, most wanted fugitive by two opposing military powers. 

The despair pricked at the corner of her eyes and hollowed out her chest so that she inhaled sharply. 

Hux had won. 

She couldn’t decide if he had won this battle or he had won the war between them. Did she care enough to fight back? It would be so much easier to just let it all go, but what then?

Just in time, before the hollowness could swallow her, the Force bond rose in her mind, rushing out and down her body, filling her empty spaces. 

“You’re alive,” he said. 

Kira shivered, whether from the sweat dripping down her spine or his voice, she didn’t know. She kept her eyes fixed straight ahead, the strong outline of him on the edge of her vision. “You had doubts?” 

“I knew you weren’t dead,” Ben returned, “but that leaves plenty of leeway for other possibilities.” 

“I suppose.” 

“Are you hurt?” 

Kira turned a sardonic eye on him. “Again with the broad inane questions.” 

He pressed his lips flat. “Are you physically injured?” 

“That’s none of your concern.” 

“Only because you won’t let it be,” he growled. 

“Yes, well, last time you left me unconscious in a burning room on a destroyed starship, so forgive me if I’m disinclined to believe your concern would be genuine.” 

Ben spun away, leaning against what from her perspective was the opposing black stone wall of the tunnel, his shoulders hunching. Idly she crumbled the remains of a cracker in the palm of her hand before eating the crumbs one by one. After a minute he turned back, his face a deliberate calm. 

“Where are you?” he asked. 

“I’m not kriffing telling you,” she scoffed and his frustration returned instantly. 

“Why not?” he snarled. 

“You should be gloating,” she deflected. “A little  _ I told you so _ would be appropriate about now.” 

“I never said this would happen,” Ben said. “And also, I wouldn’t gloat. Not about this.” 

“Why the kriff not? I would.” 

“No, you wouldn’t.” 

She stiffened, giving him a bitter smile. “I’ve never needed your help. Always trying to save me, protect me from the bad things. Poor little orphan Rey, all alone and vulnerable,” she said mockingly, looking away from his intense gaze. “I don’t need your protection. I’ve taken care of myself.” 

She heard him approach, his bootsteps loud in the silence. When she looked up, she was surprised by the raw look in his eyes. 

“That doesn’t mean you should have to,” he murmured, and suddenly she was seven years younger, on Eadu, cradled in his arms as he whispered reassurances into her hair. 

“I need to show you something,” she said, surprising herself.

Ben knelt, and she rearranged her limbs so their postures were mirrored, their knees a hairsbreadth apart, her head tilted back just enough to meet his unnervingly warm gaze head on. 

“I need you to know what I’ve done.”

To her surprise, he simply nodded, and it almost made her pull back, refuse his easy acceptance. He didn’t know what she was giving him. He wouldn’t want it; he’d reject it, reject  _ her _ . Maybe that was what she wanted.

She reached out and clasped his hands, linking them together in body before she pressed the memory into his mind.

~---~

_ Rey woke, turning over to see her Jedi Master, his eyes glinting in the green glow of his lightsaber.  _

_ “Luke?” she mumbled. _

_ He lifted his weapon to bring it down on her.  _

_ He would’ve ended her if she hadn’t thrown him back with a sharp telekinetic shove. His back hit the wall and their lightsabers locked, her bare feet planted on the ground.  _

_ With sudden clarity, she made her choice.  _

_ “Rey, don’t!” _

_ The wroshyr wood planks splintered in flame around them, and then she stood alone.  _

_ She turned, stumbling away from the flaming wreckage of her former home, searching for him. His door was unlocked and Rey pushed it open on silent hinges.  _

_ “Ben,” she whispered. _

_ “Rey?” he groaned, raising himself from his pillow so his sheets slipped off his bare chest. _ _ “What’s wrong?” _

_ Did he not know? Could he not sense the turmoil of fear and betrayal welling up in her heart? _

_ “I don’t know what to do, Ben.” _

_ He sat up slowly and regarded her, and though she couldn’t see him clearly in the dark, there would be judgement and disappointment in his eyes. She shouldn’t have come to him. _

_ His hand reached for her. “Rey, what did you do?” he breathed. _

_ Though expected, she still recoiled from his words. “What did I do? You’re with him, aren’t you?” _

_ “What? Who, Rey? What are you talking about?” He made to stand and her lips twisted in a snarl. She took a half-step forward, plunging into his mind and memories. _

_ What she saw there caused her heart to shatter into dust, blown away by the force of her rage. _

_ “You agree with him. You think I’m lost, consumed in Darkness,” she hissed, tearing free of the betrayal poisoning his thoughts. The flames were higher, now, rising up behind her and painting Ben in a shifting abstract of light and dark. _

_ “Rey, no -” _

_ “I thought you  _ understood _ ,” she shouted. Then, quieter. “I thought I wasn’t alone.” _

_ He rose from his bed again, but she halted him with a furious glare. _

_ “No,” she hissed, “you don’t get to decide.” _

_ He seemed ready to jump at her, but he composed himself with a breath, clinging to a false righteousness. “This is not your fault.” _

_ Her rage exploded within the void where her heart had been, roaring like the hungry fires consuming the Academy. She straightened, drawing strength from her anger, her pain. “But it is. This is my choice.” _

_ She raised her hand before his incredulous, fearful eyes. He lunged, too late, as she clenched her fist, and his room imploded in splintered wood and flame. _

_ Rey staggered back, raising her arms to shield herself. And then came the horror. _

_ She screamed, falling before the pile of wreckage and attempting to dig through it, heedless of the splinters and lacerations she received. _

_ Someone wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her away. She wrenched free and reeled around to face them, her lightsaber once again ignited. _

_ “Rey! It’s me!” _

_ Silyana crouched on the ground, her hand raised to soothe, but Rey could scarcely comprehend with the roaring in her ears and the fire in her eyes. _

_ “Rey, are you alright?” _

_ Rey’s tension eased at the question, and she lowered the saber, but before the shock could set in, another voice broke into her awareness. _

_ “What’s going on?” It was Tarith al Rael, Tirian’s brother, his regal brow bent into suspicious severity. “What happened here, Rey? What have you done?” _

_ That question, that same accusation, the laying of blame before fault was determined. She looked to the others, also emerging from their dwellings with fear and confusion on their faces. Rey drew back, cornered. _

_ “Leave her be, brother,” Tirian spoke.  _

_ “No, she’s done this,” he began before the wail went up. _

_ “Master Skywalker!” Every eye turned to where Shul Vaal knelt at the top of the rise before Luke’s demolished hut. _

_ “Rey?” Lalae Hilo questioned, her voice quavering with the last of her hope. _

_ Nothing left now. She’d made her choice. Now was the time to see it through. _

_ The first fell without a sound, having been unprepared for her assault. The second was stabbed through the back, turning to flee from whatever monster they saw in her face. Some pleaded with her with tear-filled eyes, others swung their own weapons at her with gritted teeth. All of them were afraid. She killed them one by one, even the youngest child.  _

_ When she turned back, Tirian had just slid his lightsaber home in his brother’s chest, the feral look on his face a dim mirror of her own. Silyana stepped forward, pale and spectral against the dark and falme, ignoring the death rattle from the al Rael lying on the ground. _

_ “Rey, we need to go,” she said. _

_ Rey turned burning eyes to the Temple and the other buildings still standing. “Not yet.” _

~---~

When her eyes blinked open, Kira felt the weight of Ben’s stare on her and she looked down, unable to bear what she’d see. She flinched when his fingers gently grasped her chin, but he didn’t pull away, turning her face up to him.

“Rey,” he said, and she saw the tears trailing down his face. When he brushed the tears from her cheeks, a finger tracing the scar he’d given her, she realized she had been crying too.

“I’m sorry,” he said, then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his lips cool against her heated skin.

Ben sat back on his heels, and he was unprepared when she fisted his tunic and pulled him into a real kiss, her lips finding purchase on his own. He responded immediately, soft caresses that eased the ache of painful memories, gentle pressure that spoke of longing and acceptance. She only lingered a moment and when she pulled back he let her go. Then he sighed, shifting beside her and casting his arm around her shoulders to set her against his side. Kira let him, leaning into him despite the heat, needing to affirm the reality of his presence. She could feel that he had more thoughts, but he seemed content to hold her, his heartbeat steady and strong against her cheek. She knew the bond would end and soon enough they’d be parted again. 

~---~

Finn was in the midst of a blissfully dreamless sleep when he was abruptly awakened by a violent shake. His body seized, immediately alert, but he relaxed marginally when he saw it was just Rose, backlit by a soft lantern at the entrance to his tent. 

“Good, you’re awake,” she said, staring down at him with a slightly miffed frown, like he’d disappointed her by sleeping. He knew she didn’t sleep nearly enough, constantly monitoring their various channels of communication with their dissident stormtroopers. Finn sometimes felt guilty about leaving her with her consoles and codes, but she rebuffed his pleas to get a decent amount of sleep, seemingly convinced that letting her vigilance slip for a moment would allow the First Order to resurrect Starkiller Base and wipe the Resistance out once and for all. Finn, on the other hand, had been taught to take sleep whenever he could get it. 

“You can’t do that,” he said, sitting up with a groan. 

“What?” 

“Just wake me up like that.” 

Her frown softened. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” 

“It’s fine.” Finn waved off her apology. 

She bit her lip, her hands on her hips. 

“What?” Finn said. “What is it? I’m up, so might as well tell me.” 

“Zeroes checked in.” 

Finn perked up at that. “Really?” He couldn’t help the flood of relief at hearing his old squadmate’s call sign. FN-2000 had been a constant during his training in the program and maybe one of the only Finn could truly called a friend. The two others who made up their circle had died in his arms.

Rose nodded. “Yes. I just finished decrypting it. It’s largely about Hux’s coup, stuff we already know from other sources. But he also mentioned the status of the network.” 

“I wanna read it,” Finn said, standing. 

“I figured you would.” Rose waited until he’d pulled on his boots and tucked in his shirt before pushing open the tent flap and stepping out into the humid night. 

The jungle on Ajan Kloss was full of sound at night, the hum and chirp of multitudinous creatures and the rustles of foliage in the nocturnal breezes making a much more soothing background than the general hubbub of the Resistance’s activity during the day. Finn thought maybe the nighttime white noise was why he was sleeping better than he had since he escaped the First Order: it was passably similar to the drone of ventilation systems and power cores aboard a Destroyer. 

Rose took them to the communications center, which except for the skeleton crew of the night shift, was quiet. Her workstation was towards the back. Finn nodded at the technicians clutching their caf as they monitored the frequencies for incoming messages. 

Rose shoved over a pile of worksheets and printouts that had curled slightly in the humidity and handed him her datapad, the decrypted message already on the display. He read it quickly, mostly skipping over the news regarding Kira Ren’s ousting. Zeroes didn’t know what had happened to her either, not that Finn had expected otherwise. If she’d been on board a First Order vessel when it had happened she would be in custody and consequently the rumors would have already leaked. Hux probably would have announced her execution and his new rule publicly before the rumors even reached the Resistance. He wasn’t particularly keen to learn her location anyway. Having interacted with her once, and that from a distance, was more than enough for him. They had plenty to deal with in the form of Supreme Leader Hux. 

Rose started to tap her foot on the base of her seat, and Finn hurried on to the next part of the message. 

Zeroes had ascertained that the FN corps would be willing to stand with the Resistance with appropriate precaution and planning. He had managed to speak with or contact all the other squad leaders and they’d confirmed their intention when the moment came. The other designations were less receptive, however, unwilling to put themselves on the line for one traitor who claimed that the First Order was nothing but lies. Finn frowned, rereading the last line. 

_ Do you know Captain Cardinal? _

“Well?” Rose said. 

“Zeroes is right,” Finn sighed. “They’re not all going to turn based on the word of someone who betrayed everything that we’ve been taught and told. The FN corps knows me, or knows of me, and with Zeroes vouching, we could convince them. But the rest don’t know anything about me except what Phasma says.” 

“Who’s Captain Cardinal?” 

"He was our supervising officer during the first years, worked only with us until we became cadets.” Finn rubbed a hand over his face and sighed, his eyebrows knitting together. “But then he disappeared, branded a traitor. That’s when Phasma took over the entire program. Official word was that he was executed, but there was a rumor he escaped. That was years ago; I hadn’t thought about him in forever.” 

“You think he escaped? Like you did?” 

“Don’t know.” Finn frowned thoughtfully. “But if he did, the other corps would believe him. He knew all of us when we were children, and we adored him. He was much kinder than Phasma, but he wasn’t a pushover, either.” 

“Maybe the General knows something about it,” Rose said, sitting up. “We could ask her tomorrow.” 

Finn passed her back the datapad. “We’re going to keep trying,” Finn assured her. 

“Of course,” she said, already turning back to her workstation. “Did you want to send a reply to Zeroes?” 

“Not yet. We’ll see what General Organa says.” 

“Alright.” 

Finn stood, muttering a good night that was, as he expected, unacknowledged, then headed back to his bunk, leaving Rose to lose herself in her work. 

~---~

Poe Dameron had barely had time to make planetfall, find his accommodations, take a shower, and head to the casino before the appointed time. 

BB-8 watched as he finished up, perfecting his hair in the mirror. 

“What do you think?” he said, turning to face his droid.

BB-8 scanned him up and down then chirped.

Poe turned back to the mirror. “Hmm, you’re right.” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it just enough. “Better?”

BB-8 whistled.

“Alright. Stay here, okay? I’ll be back.”

BB-8 bleeped.

“I don’t know. Late, I suppose.”

Despite what he said to Kaydel, he was beginning to feel nervous about the upcoming meeting. While it wasn’t all that different from other business transactions, brokering deals and negotiating contracts on behalf of the Resistance, in those interactions he could only gain something. In this situation, the intelligence or the asset could be lost by a wrong word or glance, and his mind was helpfully providing several scenarios where that could occur. 

But no, he was Poe Dameron. When he’d failed in everything else, he could fall back on his charm and his words. 

Taking a breath and entering the casino, the golden light set aglow his skin, and the overwhelming swell of commotion was a jarring shock. 

Despite never visiting Cantonica before, the legends of glittering casinos where the galaxy’s elite came together to share in sophisticated revelry was a well known curiosity. He knew elite meant filthy rich, but was still blown away by the opulence of the beings and the amenities. His eyes swept the entryway, taking in the lavish decorations and sumptuous dress of the casino’s patrons. 

Poe had been worried the sharp suit Kaydel had provided him with had been excessive, but now he felt almost underdressed, acutely conscious of how the pants and suit jacket had been tailored for a slightly smaller man. Some sort of jewelry might elevate the outfit, but the Resistance didn’t have any accessories to lend even if he had thought of it, and this crowd would be able to identify anything less than authentic. 

He felt a wave of relief when the protocol droid was right where the brief had said it would be, a bronze android unit standing at the exchange where dignitaries and mogels were withdrawing ridiculous amounts of casino chips to use at the tables and games further in. 

Poe slipped into his easy swagger and sidled up to the protocol droid. “Hello, I’m here for a red plom bloom.” 

“Ah, of course, sir!” the droid exclaimed, a little too loudly for comfort, but he didn’t let himself flinch. “Follow me, I’ll take you directly.” 

The droid turned and shuffled away. Poe walked just behind, hands shoved into the trousers’ pockets as he tried for an unaffected air of nonchalance even while scanning the rooms as they passed through. Each space had a different purpose; rooms for card games like sabacc, others for games of chance, others for mingling with other guests. It was to one of these last that the droid guided him to an elegant bar against the back wall of the dim space with several tiny tables set with glimmering candles. 

“Here you are, sir,” the droid declared, gesturing broadly. 

“Thank you,” Poe said. 

“Of course, my pleasure, sir,” the droid said, then ambled back towards the entrance of the casino. 

Poe scanned the bar before stepping further in. Though fairly full, although the noise was muted as the occupants kept their conversations hushed, the server droid moving discreetly between tables without a sound. Deciding to make his way towards the side of the bar, he sat down on a stool that provided an unencumbered view of the entire lounge. He signaled the barkeep, another droid. At a high-end establishment like this, the droid would be programmed with a few unique drinks that would be sure to provide either an enjoyable new discovery or a surprising, if unpalatable, experience. The fun was in the gamble, and this was a gambling house afterall. 

Once served, a tentative sip of the slightly smoking citrine liquid proved that the woodsy drink was in fact delicious. Usually it was prudent to wait until after an assignment to indulge, but he was out of his element enough to feel that something to smooth the edges wouldn’t hurt the situation. 

He looked around again. The asset could already be here, seated at one of the tables or along the bar. Almost everyone appeared to be accompanied by someone, and he expected the contact to be alone. There had been no physical description, although he assumed with the First Order they would be human so that narrowed the options. The only identifier given was that they would have a red plom bloom pin on their lapel, which also made him assume it would be a man wearing a suit, which was also consistent with First Order culture. Even though their recent Supreme Leader had been a woman, senior leadership was largely male. 

It was harder than it should have been to look for the all-important pin in the dim lighting, especially when the few single patrons were either facing away or hunched over their own drinks. One suspect stood after a few minutes, tossing credits on the bar and walking away, revealing there was no plom bloom on his chest. An older man with a thick mustache leaned back to drain the last drops from his glass, and the small silver stud adorning the lapel ruled him out. 

This had gone on for a half hour, well past the appointed meeting time, which resulted in a fresh drink in his hands. What if the asset had decided to blow off the meeting? Or perhaps they had only been kept by something unavoidable, like traffic? Or worse, what if the asset had been caught and executed? 

It didn’t help that he was also distracted by the woman at the other end of the bar. While Poe had been trying to stare without staring, she was making no pretenses of eyeing him up.

She turned her head, taking a sip, giving a clear view of her sharp profile and long neck, highlighted by the platinum hair caught into a twisted knot on top of her head. He caught the way her throat moved as she swallowed, tongue darting out to lick the moisture from her lips. 

Poe checked the chrono on his wrist. Kriff. It was over an hour past the meeting time. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but he’d screwed up again, and that was the problem, wasn’t it? Always so sure he was doing the right thing, he swaggered in with confidence, and then it all fell apart. Leia had made a mistake to give him responsibility. Might as well put the final nail in his coffin. 

The next time the barkeep passed, he sent a drink to the blonde. He watched as she received it, the droid gliding away after setting it down with a flourish. She looked up and raised it to him before touching it to her lips. She smiled. He returned a brilliant grin, downing the last from his glass before walking to her. 

“Hello,” he said. “My name’s Poe.” 

“Silyana,” she answered, her icy blue eyes dipping as she took him in. She seemed to like what she saw, a promising smile pulling her lips up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for taking the time to read. Leave a comment and kudos to let me know what you think - I love discussing the story with you!
> 
> Next update will be July 19


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take heed of the new relationship tag. Did my OC take over this chapter? Yes, yes she did.
> 
> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) for beta'ing this chapter and just generally being wonderful people 😊
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Poe awoke groaning around his tongue which was about three sizes too big, wincing at the invisible hammer knocking inside his skull with every heartbeat. He shifted, not quite willing to be awake just yet. How did he get so hungover? 

Pieces started to come back. The asset not showing, the drinks that followed, approaching the blonde... 

“Good morning,” a silvery voice called. “Or actually, good afternoon.” 

Poe cracked his eyes open and peered over the covers to find said blonde at the foot of the gigantic bed, hair wet and citrus-scented from a recent shower, dressed in dark clothes again, although not the same outfit from last night. 

“What happened?” He pushed up to sit against the headboard, drawing the thick, fluffy blankets up when the notably frigid air nipped at bare skin. 

“Nice to know I made so little of an impression,” she said, crossing her arms. 

Poe scoffed, grimacing as his head gave a particularly vicious throb. “I remember. I wasn’t  _ that _ drunk.” 

“You had to be almost that drunk. Otherwise I’m pretty sure I’d be the last person you’d sleep with.” 

Poe couldn’t prevent the appreciative once-over of her svelte curves. “Um, I don’t think so.” 

A scoff. “I wasn’t fishing for a compliment, genius. I don’t need confidence boosts from flyboys.” 

“Oh.” 

“Hmm. Remember my name?” she challenged. 

It took him a second. “...Silyana.” 

Silyana raised her eyebrow. “Ring any bells?” 

Poe squirmed under her accusing interrogations. He bent over the side of the bed, hoping to find clothes. This wasn’t the room where he’d left BB-8, so it must be hers. “I don’t remember your family name, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

She snorted. “You really haven’t put the dots together?” 

He sat up, unsuccessful in the search for clothing. “What?” he snapped. 

“My name’s Silyana,” she said and stretched out a hand. His pants flew from the other side of the room into her grip before she tossed them onto the bed. 

His mouth dropped open. “Did you just -” 

“Yes. Obviously.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Oh, kriff.” And  _ then _ he connected the dots. “Oh,  _ kriff!” _

“Yes,” she nodded. “But it’s probably not as bad as you’re making it out to be.” 

Poe’s headache was suddenly the least of his concerns as he clutched the pants to his chest. Assuming death wasn’t imminent, what would Leia say about this? Somehow, despite the rather incredible odds, he had managed to have a drunken one-night stand with the Silyana Ren, of the Knights of Ren, second to the former Supreme Leader. 

The door to the bedroom slipped open and Poe’s wide eyes shot over, expecting to see Kira Ren herself, blazing lightsaber ready to strike. 

Instead, BB-8 rolled into the room, chirping questions. 

“Nah, he just woke up,” Silyana told the droid. 

“Beebee?” Poe flipped off the silky sheets and yanked on the pants. “What are you doing here?” 

“He came looking for you this morning.” 

He flinched when she tossed him a rumpled shirt, ducking out of the way and barely catching it, though the clothing was appreciated.

“At least your droid recognized me.” 

“What?” Poe felt marginally more secure with clothes on, although some tiny logical portion of his brain said if bloodshed or something more heinous were to happen, she already would have started. She also probably wouldn’t have taken a shower beforehand, but he was very bewildered to say the least. 

Silyana eyed him. “You really didn’t recognize me?” She shrugged at Poe’s wary gaze. “I guess that’s better for you. Makes this whole thing less awkward.” 

_ What the hell?  _ Poe thought, looking between her and BB-8, hoping one of them would provide an explanation. 

Sighing again, she slapped her thighs as if this were all a terrible inconvenience. “Alright, looks like we have a lot of talking to do. The fresher is through there. I’ll be in the other room when you’re ready.” 

He watched her walk out, then stared at BB-8, who stared right back. A shiver traveled down his spine and skittered across his skin, raising gooseflesh in its wake, and he wasn’t sure if it was fear or the absurdly cold room. “This is bad, buddy. We gotta get out.” 

BB-8 whistled with an amused wobble. 

“What do you mean you trust her?” Poe hissed, his head throbbing violently as he searched for shoes. This room was much finer than the one he’d rented, a plush ochre rug thrown over the dark-stained wooden floor at the foot of the massive bed which had been piled with soft pillows that were now scattered across the room. He really wished he had had a moment to recall the fun from last night before being plunged into this nightmare. The high ceiling was lined with crown molding the same shade of cool white as the walls, enlarging the space even without the light slipping through the navy curtains covering the panoramic window. He shuddered. Blood money must pay well. 

BB-8 bleeped. 

“I was a little drunk, okay? I wasn’t thinking, Beebee. She’s a  _ Knight of Ren.  _ We can’t trust her.” He yanked a closet door open to look for his boots and instead was met with the blank glassy eyes of a female corpse. 

He shouted and spun away. 

“What happened?” Silyana reappeared, emerald lightsaber ablaze in her hand. 

Poe yelped again, falling backwards and shoving away from her until his back hit the wall. 

“Are you alright?” she asked, her eyes hard. 

Poe tipped to the side and vomited, bile and alcohol fumes burning up his throat as he retched. 

“Feel better?” 

When he looked up again through watery eyes, Silyana was kneeling about a meter away, hands on her knees, eyebrows drawn together in a slight frown. The lightsaber was gone. BB-8 nudged his side with a whine. 

“I can tell this is a lot for you,” she said in a placating tone. “But you can either have a mental breakdown and keep making yourself sick, or you can listen to what I have to say. Because I need your help. And you need mine.” 

Poe licked bile-coated lips, and spat through his teeth, “You’re lying.” 

“I’m not.” 

They eyed each other for a few moments as Poe tried to calm a racing heartbeat. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Okay, fair. But it won’t hurt you to listen to me talk.” 

“I’m not stupid,” Poe snapped, pointing at his temple with a shaking finger. “I know you can manipulate my mind.” 

Silyana sighed. “I’m not, and I won’t. That’s not really my thing.” 

“Not your thing?” Poe echoed incredulously. “You’re one of  _ them _ .” 

Even over the crescendo of panic, Poe could tell she was losing patience. Which, he realized, was a courtesy she had been extending up until this point. 

“I gave you a choice. Now you can either listen to me, or I’ll let you run out of here screaming like a kid from the monster under the bed. I swear on my honor as a Knight of Ren, if that helps.” She flippantly waved a hand as though taking an oath. “Although, honestly that doesn’t mean much anymore.” She jerked a thumb at the body under the sheet, upper lip curling slightly in disdain. “Knight of Ren. Also happened to be a traitorous bitch.” 

He gaped at the draped corpse. “She was a Knight of Ren? You killed her?” 

“Yes. Which is part of the reason I want your help if you’d ever calm down enough to just  _ listen  _ to me.” 

BB-8 chirped, his oculus swiveling between the two of them. 

Rubbing his eyes, Poe groaned, thinking himself an utter fool for being unable to resist his growing curiosity. “Alright, fine. I’ll listen.” 

“Thank you.” She rose to her feet. “Could we move this chat into the room without the dead body and pool of vomit, maybe finish putting your shirt on?” 

Poe agreed, quickly buttoning the shirt as he followed into the other room to sit on opposing chaise lounges. She stared for a minute as he squirmed on the stiff brocade upholstery. BB-8 sat at his feet, attention fixed on Silyana as though waiting eagerly for whatever she had to say. 

“So,” she said, “I feel like a little history lesson might be helpful.” 

Poe frowned. “What do you mean?” 

Silyana leaned back against the chaise and tucked her legs in. “I’m not sure what you do and don’t know, and I’d rather just cover everything than backtrack with explanations.” 

“That sounds smart,” Poe said faintly, half-hoping he had just gotten wasted and was having a very vivid, realistic hallucination in which he had woken up the morning after with a  _ Knight of Ren _ and a  _ dead body in the closet  _ and  _ ten karking hells –  _

“Hey, Poe!” 

He jolted and met exasperated eyes as she held out a glass of water. “What?” 

“I was losing you.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” He accepted the proffered glass and took a breath, drawing on the focus of a former Resistance commander, sipping the water to wash out the lingering taste of sick. “Go ahead.” 

“Great. So, hi, I’m Silyana. I was with Kira since she went by Rey. We were both students at Skywalker’s academy.” 

Poe was suddenly alert. “Wait, Rey? As in, Ben’s Rey?” 

Silyana barked a laugh at that. “I wouldn’t put it that way to either of them, but yes. You didn’t know Kira used to be called Rey?” 

Poe shook his head. “The Knights just kind of... appeared. Our intelligence didn’t uncover much and it didn’t seem that relevant.” 

“Oh, it’s relevant,” Silyana said, frowning pensively. “Do you know what happened to Skywalker’s academy?” 

“Rumors, mostly. We thought everyone had died until Ben – Kylo, whatever – turned up alive.” He paused. “Although, we knew Skywalker had survived, so maybe I wasn’t told everything,” Poe murmured, remembering the tense briefing sessions with Leia in the beginning. 

“Huh. Kind of thought you guys were a little more on the ball but I guess not. Anyway, Leia would know if Ben or Kira died even if she didn’t tell you all. The Force, you know.” 

“Er, yes.” 

“The abbreviated version is that Kira happened to the Academy. Destroyed it, and I left with her. From there we gathered the Knights and allied with the First Order. You should know the relevant bits up until Kira and Ben killed Snoke. Then that absolute  _ idiot _ Hux thought he was  _ so smart _ -” 

“Wait, who killed Snoke?” Poe interrupted. 

Silyana shrugged. “I don’t know. It was either Ben or Kira. Kira wasn’t very forthcoming with the details.” 

The official report was Snoke had died in the  _ Supremacy  _ cataclysm. “I knew Ben was up to something – but he was working with Kira Ren? Why?” Poe had an odd sense of betrayal. Clearly there was something about Ben he wasn’t understanding. Silyana seemed to pick up on the confusion. 

“She and Ben have a complicated history,” she said. “You’ve met Kira, right?” 

Poe winced, memories of blood and pain and fear clawing up from the darkness. The interrogation rig, being pinned like an insect while Kira Ren dug serrated talons into his mind. “Yes, we’ve met,” he gritted out. Silyana’s expression softened. 

“Sorry, no, I meant before. When she was just Rey.” 

Poe pulled away from the ugly memories. “I think so, once. On Chandrila.” 

Silyana nodded. “She mentioned it.” 

Again, the panic flared with the reminder that this woman sitting so casually across from him knew Kira Ren personally, spent most days with the former Supreme Leader, assisted as the Master of the Knights rained down hell on innocents... Poe quashed his fear. This was an opportunity. A terrifying opportunity, but if Silyana’s request and information were genuine, it could be a gamechanger. 

“I remember. She was just a kid, and I gave her a ride in my fighter,” he recalled, an image of a a young girl with gangly limbs hidden underneath a long brown tunic, a big grin stretching across her dimpled cheeks, curious green eyes, her hair tied up in three odd little buns, her tiny fingers inspecting everything with the care and enthusiasm only a child could exude. BB-8 whistled in confirmation. He swallowed as the cheeky little girl was replaced by the image of his blanched face screaming back at him from a skull-like mask. “Hard to believe she grew up to become so terrible.” 

“We’re not here to debate morality,” Silyana snapped. 

“Right, sorry. Knight of Ren,” he said, gesturing to her. She smirked. Counterintuitively, he relaxed a bit more. 

“I’m sure you noticed the... protectiveness Ben had over Rey.” 

Poe thought back again, remembering Ben tugging the eager girl away from the X-wing fighter. “Sure, yes, I guess so.” 

“He’s still that way,” she stated. “Both of them are. Which, given their current alignments, makes things difficult. It’s what actually started a lot of this mess, to be honest.” 

Poe absorbed this information, assimilating what he’d heard and observed from Leia, the Resistance, and Ben. “Does... does he have a thing for her?” 

Silyana grinned like a loth cat that had gotten the cream. “I thought I’d have to convince you, but you figured it out all on your own.” 

“But how? She killed his father and his uncle. He’s tried to kill her. They’re enemies; they hate each other.” 

“Says the man who did  _ unspeakable _ things to his enemy just last night.” She pulled down the collar of her shirt to reveal a very large and unmistakable love bite maring her pale skin.

Poe’s neck flared with heat. “I didn’t realize who you were.” 

“Ugh, are you sure? It was so much hotter when you knew.” 

“Sorry to ruin your fantasy,” he snarked, shifting in his seat. 

“It’s fine. There’s always next time.” Her crystal blue eyes drifted over him, resting slightly too long on his groin, and making Poe’s pulse quicken in a surprisingly not unwelcome way. 

Heat bloomed low in his gut. Vivid images of those unspeakable things flashed through his mind. Soft moans in his ear, smooth skin against skin, fierce lips against his, until he traveled down nipping and kissing across her lean curves... He grinned wickedly when her heated gaze jerked to his face, the look in her eyes telling him she’d sensed his mood shift. “That’s a bold assumption,” he purred. 

“Hmm.” 

Poe flinched when BB-8 knocked his shin. “What?” 

The droid didn’t speak, head tilted as if to say,  _ Really? Right now? Focus up, flyboy.  _ Poe looked up again to see Silyana’s eyes aglow with amusement. 

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, you were explaining that you need help with something.” 

“Yes. I need you to help me find Kira.” 

Poe stared. “No.” 

“You know about Hux’s coup, right? That’s why you’re here to meet that procurement officer?” 

He leaned forward, imagining the worst, hands gripping his trousers. “What did you do to my contact?” 

“He’s in the fresher.” 

“You  _ killed _ him?” 

“No. Do you want me to?” 

“What? No.” Poe stood and began pacing behind the chaise, another thick rug muffling his rapid tread. BB-8 scooted out of the way. 

“Okay then,” she shrugged.

“I’m not going to help you track down Kira.” 

“I’ll make it worth your while.” 

He gave her a sharp look. 

“Not like that, pervert. Information. You think that joker tied up in the fresher knew anything? I talked to Hux in person just two days ago. Trust me, I know things your intelligence could only dream of.” 

Poe ran a hand through his messy hair, taking a large breath. “Why do you want to find her?” 

Silyana leveled a calm gaze. “She’s my friend. But that’s not very convincing for you, is it? If you want to take out the First Order, you’re going to need Kira to do it. She’ll be just as eager as you to teach Hux a lesson, trust me. Your Resistance is far too tiny and pathetic to come close to doing the job.” 

Poe glared. “We’re growing stronger.” 

Silyana waved a hand. “How long will it take, though? Long enough for Hux to cement his position and secure his grip on the systems under First Order jurisdiction. While you try to grow, he’ll be getting stronger, too.” 

Leaning on the back of the chaise, he finally paused and rubbed his chin, considering. “I’ll need to talk to my superiors.” 

“That’s fine.” She sighed. “Just... don’t take too long. If we hesitate, we might lose her.” 

Poe nodded, standing straight. “I’ll leave immediately.” 

Her tempting lips gave a wry smile. “Thanks.” 

Pulling his eyes away, Poe shuffled, unsure how to respond to the Knight’s gratitude. “Sure. Um, do you know where my boots are?” 

Silyana smirked before standing and helping find the rest of his clothes. 

“Why is it so kriffing cold?” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Dead body, remember?” 

~---~

Supreme Leader Hux sat, tired after the long proceedings, at the head of the long, polished table encircled by the First Order’s top generals and admirals who sat straight-backed, all eyes fixed on him. Several of the seats on the far end were unoccupied due to Kira Ren’s penchant for physical abuse during meetings. Most officers would return from some time in the medbay. Others wouldn’t, which, while irritating, allowed Hux to mold his High Command as he saw fit. Much more convenient than waiting for them to retire, and with no more Phasma to do what was required behind the scenes, Hux didn’t have many options. Yet. 

“As the past few day cycles have not revealed any further leads on the location of Kira Ren, it is time we shift our entire focus towards resettling the Order and rooting out the last of the Resistance,” Hux stated, pale accusing eyes surveying those seated at stiff attention in the room. 

He hadn’t shared his part in the assassination attempt, although they likely suspected. None cared to ask. They were all too relieved not to have to brace for traumatic experiences during strategy meetings. Still, Kira haunted their thoughts. 

“She’s vanished then?” Admiral Canady inquired. 

Hux stared back at the man grimly. “Our intelligence has found no trace of her.” 

“What if she returns?” 

That was Allegiant General Pryde, and already Hux was regretting appointing the officer as his replacement. Pryde had the experience and the influence, but there was a subtle lack of respect for Hux, who he believed lacked those same qualities. Even worse, the man seemed to delight in his antagonism towards Kira and enjoyed bringing her up at every opportunity to get a rise. 

“We have measures in place to ensure she won’t.” 

“Are you referring to the remaining Knights?” Pryde said. The other officers shifted, reminded of the specters that still lingered among them. 

“They are one of several. Like ourselves, the Knights are not inclined to see Kira Ren resume her abandoned station. They share many of our… complaints.” 

“How can you be certain they will not revert to their previous allegiance?” Pryde pressed, steely blue eyes boring into Hux, who sneered. 

“Their allegiance is to power, which we now control,” Hux snarled. 

Pryde’s eyes flashed, but he turned back to the datapad on the table. Hux let the resulting silence linger for a moment before speaking again. 

“I expect each of you to read the objectives brief and turn in your status reports by noon. Dismissed.” 

The scrape of chairs and low murmur of voices filled the strategy room as the High Command picked up belongings and herded towards the exit. Hux sat and waited until they were gone, the door snicking shut before resting with head in hands. 

Sleep had been but an elusive pipe dream in the few days since the botched assassination attempt. He had assumed the power vacuum without fuss, but quickly realized the reason there weren’t more objections was that everyone had their own fires to put out. Fires that he had just spent the last three hours addressing. He had accepted that Kira Ren’s stint as Supreme Leader had been necessary, but didn’t realize the extent of the damage she could cause in a year’s time. 

Wearily, he raised his head and dragged a datapad towards him, flipping through to his schedule. The strategy meeting had finished a few minutes early which left some time to gather his thoughts before the next appointment with Lieutenant Stynnix. He briefly considered rescheduling the meeting to this room so he wouldn’t have to walk, but he wanted to be visible to the First Order as their new Supreme Leader. That meant being active, involved, relentless, hands-on, personally overseeing operations that both Snoke and Kira had relegated to others. 

He pulled himself up, deleting his access from the datapad. He didn’t bother carrying a personal device when there was one waiting at each meeting. It also made it so there was one less item that some subversive might attempt to steal in hopes of gaining their new leader’s personal information. But they couldn’t get access if he kept the most confidential things up in his mind. Well, most of them.

Hux walked into the corridor, not waiting for Tirian Ren to emerge from the shadows and join him. 

“The meeting went well?” the masked Knight asked, low, strong voice deepened by the vocoder. Though Hux loathed the remaining Knights, having them as his bodyguard for the time being seemed the most prudent option. He hadn’t had time to vet any candidates from within the First Order and he preferred to keep his habitual rival-cum-tentative ally close. It was also convenient to keep apprised of the Knights’ search for Kira. 

“Your former master did an excellent job at leading this organization into decay,” Hux sniffed, holding his hands behind his back. 

“That may very well have been her intention.” 

A grim smile twisted his face. “That seems a likely explanation.” 

Silence fell between them as they traversed the  _ Finalizer _ . While it was in no way intended to be the First Order’s primary flagship, it was one of the largest ships remaining after the  _ Supremacy _ disaster and Hux was intimately familiar from time spent aboard, providing an excellent choice, at least until the shipyards could produce a more suitable replacement. 

Stynnix was already waiting when they arrived. She jumped up and saluted as Hux and Tirian entered. 

“Supreme Leader.” 

“At ease, Lieutenant.” 

Stynnix waited until Hux had seated himself to take her own. Tirian moved to a corner of the smaller consultation room, but Hux said, “Leave us, Ren. Your presence is not necessary.” 

“Of course, Supreme Leader.” Tirian gave a slight bow from the waist and retreated to stand in the corridor once again. 

Hux turned back to Stynnix. If at all possible, he preferred to keep the two separate even though their objectives were similar. 

Find Kira Ren. Root out her allies. And destroy her completely. 

Hux would determine if they needed to exchange data. Until then, he would control the flow of information. 

“Have you found anything useful?” Hux said, not in the mood for dancing around the subject. 

“Yes. The bounty hunter Kylo? The name is an alias for Ben Solo.” 

Hux examined the files Stynnix had sent to his datapad. He recognized the name, or more importantly, the connections that the name held. Specifically, Leia Organa, general of the Resistance. “That was one of a few options we have been considering, but you confirmed it?” 

“Yes. But that’s not all,” Stynnix said eagerly. 

“I should hope not.” Hux was too tired to care about the harassed flush that colored the lieutenant’s cheeks. 

“I believe I have uncovered the identity of Kira Ren. Prior to her affiliation with the Knights and the First Order, she was known as Rey.” 

She pulled up a New Republic committee report, showing the list of members of Skywalker’s failed Jedi Academy. Ben Solo, and further down the list, Rey. Silyana and Tirian were also listed on the list, corroborating the lieutenant’s find. He had been right not to include Tirian in this meeting. 

“I couldn’t determine a family name, although perhaps she did not have one given the situation.” 

Hux greedily scanned the brief biography Stynnix provided. He felt a strange flood of relief at finally learning Kira’s origins, a mortal human just like everyone else rather than the wraith that had suddenly appeared before Snoke with dark-robed disciples at her back. He had been just a general then, and Snoke didn’t welcome questions about his decisions. The Knights of Ren became a facet of the First Order, and that was that. 

“And this. Here too,” Stynnix continued, plying him with other mentions of the two former Jedi apprentices throughout the years, complete with timeline up until Snoke’s demise. Stynnix was one of the few who he’d allowed to access the true account of that event. 

“You’ll see that after Skywalker’s academy was destroyed, there’s no record of them interacting, although it’s possible. When the bounty hunter was captured, here,” she pointed, “they may have reestablished their connection. There is no transcript of the interrogation Kira conducted, but based on the succeeding events, I think it’s likely they were working together.” 

For the first time that day, Hux felt like smiling. Finally, some solid proof of treason he could use to prosecute the bitch within the confines of the law. The written record was far more unquestionable than fancy speeches. He knew his position would never be firmly established until until there was no doubt in the mind’s of all those in the Order. “This is excellent work, lieutenant.” 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” 

“I’d like you to also discover what you can about these individuals,” he said, pointing to the names of the two Knights. Stynnix’s eyes flicked to the closed door, behind which Tirian lurked. 

She swallowed. “Of course, Leader Hux.”

He needed to integrate Stynnix into the First Order’s intelligence operation, now that the division would be allied with his interests. If this was what she was capable of with independent research, she could only be more useful with the resources and connections at their disposal. 

“What is your recommendation, then, Lieutenant?” 

Stynnix straightened, her pinched face brimming with youthful zeal and conviction. “Find Ben Solo, and you’ll find Kira Ren.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Leave a comment and a kudos to let me know what you think. I love hearing from my readers 😊
> 
> Next update will be August 2nd.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Kira Ren wandered the catacombs under the ruins of Vader’s castle. 

If anybody had bothered to write a set of instructions on how to visit Darth Vader’s castle and survive, aimless wandering would have been fairly high up on the list of things  _ not  _ to do. There were far too many cursed artifacts or barbaric snares lying in wait for the unwise trespasser to find. 

But she was Kira Ren. She wasn’t afraid of the Dark. 

She  _ couldn’t _ be afraid of the Dark. 

That’s what she told herself in the shadowed tunnels that wormed their way through the blackstone cliffs of Mustafar. 

It wasn’t true of course. The Darkness was so much bigger than her, it didn’t spare a thought for her wants and needs, she was microscopic in comparison. To be fearless was to be foolish.

She’d finished the rations soon after the last bond manifestation with Ben. She stayed on Mustafar, hoping the malignant and malicious energies lingering there would shield her from the remaining Knights’ perception. Her own signature was dimmed with fatigue and apathy, making her almost a nonentity in the fabric of the Force. She knew she should be hungry, but the persistent stifling heat destroyed her appetite. Even her thirst had evaporated after a time. 

Besides, where would she go? Hux had stolen any semblance of a refuge from her in his coup d’etat. As much as she hated it, the First Order’s ships had provided a sense of shelter and security in a galaxy pitted against her.

Now, she was washed out, dried up like a husk. Like a ghost, drifting between spaces. 

The only thing keeping her tethered was the bond, that connection that Ben was so obsessed with. Over the past year of bonded moments, he’d attempted to get her to explore the depth and breadth of the bond, to further understand its essence as he traveled the stars for revelatory sources to explain the bond. But after abandoning her on the dying  _ Supremacy _ , the very last thing she’d wanted was to work together with him on anything. She was shocked, yet grateful he hadn’t brought up his research quest this last time, instead taking the time to simply listen.

But when his presence had dematerialized this last time, Kira couldn’t help but muse over the bond’s seemingly nebulous nature. It pulled on her consciousness like a tractor beam, and how had she never noticed it before? 

It could be that she had deliberately ignored it. It was, after all, another manifestation of the relationship that had caused her so much grief and heartache. She wanted to hate it, but she didn’t. Even now as her feet dragged, she kept hoping to turn the next corner and see him there, waiting. 

It was pathetic.

She’d shared that night at the Academy to push him away, but incredibly it seemed to draw him closer. But she was too drained to be angry as he held her, and the hollowness in her chest only expanded once he’d vanished once again. 

She should be plotting Hux’s downfall. The slimy bastard was a karking traitor and it should have been obvious. Her feelings of betrayal admitted a disgusting amount of trust, which he had gleefully thrown in her face like the conniving fool she knew him to be. She should be planning his annihilation, him and that stupid Order he was so devoted to. 

But instead, her thoughts had drifted towards the Force bond and stayed there. She could understand how it was driving Ben to distraction. It was incomprehensible how two opposing individuals could develop such an intimate connection, especially when those individuals were them. How could they ever trust the other? 

And yet it hurt her that Ben didn’t accept it for what it was. That he was so desperate to explain it, travelling across the galaxy to find something to rationalize it. Was it because it was her? But he’d made it clear that despite the horrific things she’d done, he forgave her. 

No, it wasn’t forgiveness; he’d never blamed her to begin with. Time and again, he assumed the blame, no matter what atrocity she flung in his face. 

But perhaps something had changed when she showed him the events of that night. Last time, she’d been vulnerable and it had disgusted her. Tired and needy, but Ben had been nothing but sympathetic. She didn’t want that. Not after what she’d done. He’d apologized, but he hadn’t tried to convince her of his guilt, hadn’t tried to make up reasoning for her choices. He'd simply listened, and it had unraveled her. Had it been a mistake? 

But no, maybe her memory was the answer Ben had been looking for. Maybe all these years of heartbreak and rage and separation hadn’t been for nothing. Her choice, the choice to dwell in the Dark was not categorically wrong, a waste and a tragedy. Maybe, this bond would finally bring them together on the Dark Side. All the agony they’d experienced was because they’d been fighting it so long. 

The Dark was in their nature. They’d always known it. 

Standing in the shadows, Kira waited until the bond decided to bring them together yet again. When it eventually obliged, hours later, she stood on shaking legs as the Force rippled over her senses, drowning her in his presence. 

“Back for more reminiscing about the good old days?” she sniped, then flinched. That wasn’t how she’d planned to begin this, but there it was. 

“If you need me to be,” Ben answered. He looked her up and down. “When did you last eat?” 

Her eyes drifted as she tried to recall. “Maybe a few days.” 

“You should eat.” 

“No food. I know how to handle hunger, Ben.” 

“Where are you?” 

She shrugged. 

“What’s your plan then?” 

“Why are you trying to be so sympathetic?” 

He stared at her. “Because if it had been me, I’d have done the same.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do.” 

“If you’re so accepting of my Darkness, why are you fighting so hard against this bond?” 

A frown tugged his mouth. “I’m not. Why do you think that?” 

“This research, this quest for answers. Why do you need to know what the bond is? Isn’t it just enough that it is?” 

“I’m just trying to understand –” 

“Or maybe it’s because it’s us. After all, how can being bonded to a Darksider like me ever be anything but a burden or a liability?” 

“Rey, that’s not it at all,” he said furiously. 

“Well, have you sought out the Sith for clues? Ever think to ask Vader for some hints?” 

She pitied him for the utter bewilderment on his face. 

“No,” he said. 

“Maybe if I asked for you, they’d listened,” she mused. 

“No, Rey, don’t.” 

“What are you afraid of.  _ Answers _ ?” 

“I don’t think that’s wise.” 

“They’ve answered me before,” she said. “You want another memory? The day Luke found me on Jakku. I’d found a Sith holocron. It couldn’t speak to me in words, but it answered anyway. I killed them all, Ben. All of them, dead without even a touch.” 

“I don’t want to seek out Vader. I don’t trust myself.” 

“You’re still afraid of the Dark,” she repeated with vehemence. 

“You know who Vader was, what he did! I have the same DNA as him. What if I become like him?” 

Kira staggered back. “Vader is the same as Anakin Skywalker, how can you not understand after all this time? Look at me! I’m Rey  _ and _ Kira Ren. Don’t you see me?” 

“You are not like Vader,” he said firmly. 

She scoffed. “Don’t lie. I know you think it. I saw it in your mind that night, remember? Would  _ that  _ be the worst thing you could conceive of? Anyway, I’m much more like Vader than you could ever think to become.” 

Ben turned away, then said quietly, “I’m coming for you, please, just wait.” 

She drew back. “You don’t know where I am.” 

He faced her, jaw set. “I’ll find you.” 

“You expect to fix the bond, to fix  _ me _ . But what if I don’t need to be cured?” 

“No, Rey, this bond, it’s  _ healing _ us, I know you can see that. The vision we had, Rey, of our future, it still holds true. I believe that. We could be together. Isn’t my forgiveness enough?” 

She glared, hissing through her teeth. “You think if you forgive me, I’ll become whoever the hell Rey was again. This is why you need to speak with Vader.” 

“No, Rey, I don’t want that.” 

“That girl I showed you in my memory? She is me.  _ But I am not her _ .”

“Rey,” he pleaded.

She growled. “I don’t want you to forgive me. I want you to  _ understand  _ me.” 

Ben fell silent, pain radiating from his eyes. He looked away. 

She stepped closer and said, “We used to understand each other. That changed.” 

“I know.” 

She lifted a hand, turning his face to her, needing to steady herself. “I can find a way to speak with him.” 

“Rey...” 

“Whatever it takes to convince you that this is not wrong.” 

“I don’t think it’s wrong,” he insisted. 

“Then what?” 

His eyes betrayed him. Ben had forgiven and accepted her past, but wasn’t yet willing to accept her present. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. And then he blinked out of existence, lost in the tides of the Force. 

She could have raged or mourned, but Kira had already begun to formulate a plan as she started to wind her way out of the catacombs. Hunger and thirst returned with a vengeance, but she was deciding on action for the first time since the Knights’ betrayal. She’d find Vader, win Ben over, and together they’d destroy Hux. 

~---~

Poe stood to give his debriefing, fidgeting with the cuffs of his jumpsuit as they stared. Leia, Kaydel, and Finn were seated in the General’s office and he resisted the sudden urge to flee, forcing himself to give the censored version of the trip to Canto Bight. 

“The asset is burned. He wasn’t able to make the meeting and he won’t be useful to us in the future.” 

Kaydel frowned. “How do you know he didn’t just miss the meeting time?” 

“Um, because he was tied up. Literally,” Poe said, letting a grin slip through at the unplanned pun. No one smiled back. Leia raised an eyebrow. 

“One of the Knights of Ren had found him out, and she was waiting for me instead, but don’t worry, it wasn’t an ambush. She wanted to offer her information to the Resistance.” 

“Which Knight?” Kaydel said, vigorously taking notes on her datapad. 

“Silyana, Kira’s lieutenant.” Poe saw Leia’s lips press together. He looked to Kaydel. “She’s loyal to Kira Ren, and another Knight tried to assassinate her and failed as a part of Hux’s coup.” 

“Does the First Order know the assassination failed?” Leia asked. 

Poe shrugged. “Not sure. Silyana killed the other Knight before she found me. She shared what she knew of the coup, which wasn’t much since she’d been on mission when it happened and she didn’t know yet who was safe to reach out to.” 

Finn looked uneasy. “What does she want? She’s compromised, she’s hunted, and she’s dangerous.” 

“Silyana has offered to give us information, in exchange for our help finding Kira,” Poe said. 

“And you think that’s a good idea to search for Kira Ren? That’s like seeking out punishment deliberately.” 

Poe huffed. “You know I wouldn’t. That’s almost the last thing I’d want.” 

“We would have tried to locate Kira regardless,” Leia said, ignoring Poe and Finn’s twin grimaces. “It’s foolish not to keep tabs on the former Supreme Leader.” 

“What did you say to her?” Finn said to Poe, crossing his arms. 

“I didn’t make any promises. When I left Silyana’s suite she gave me her personal comm code so I could reach out if we agreed. She won’t be staying on Cantonica, obviously.” 

“We’ll have to bring this to Command before we come to a final decision,” Leia said, cupping her chin with a thoughtful frown. 

“How soon do you think that’ll be? I promised Silyana an answer in 48 hours,” Poe said. 

Kaydel looked up. “We have a strategy meeting in a few hours. I’ll be sure to bring it up then. If she has what she says she has.” 

“She’s the former Supreme Leader’s right hand,” Poe pointed out. “I think she’d pick up a few things.” 

“Definitely,” Kaydel agreed, “but it’s always a balance of risk versus reward. Honestly, I’m still having trouble believing she didn’t kill you on the spot.” 

“Me too,” Poe muttered. 

“Anything else to report, Lieutenant?” Leia said. 

“Um, yeah.” He shuffled his feet. “Silyana shared some background to convince me she was being honest and, well, she said that Kylo, Ben, whatever, knew Kira beforehand and that they,” he cringed even as part of his mind screamed  _ hypocrite!  _ “She said they have a thing.” 

Finn’s face was blank, Kaydel looked confused, Leia raised her eyebrows as if to say,  _ And? _

“What do you mean?” Kaydel prompted. 

Poe could feel his face heating up. “I don’t know. Silyana didn’t share, uh, specifics. But she claimed they were... involved.” 

Finn still didn’t respond, but his jaw tightened. 

“Is this a current thing?” Kaydel said. 

“Yes. Silyana said they worked together to kill Snoke before the  _ Supremacy _ was destroyed.” 

“Interesting.” Kaydel made some more notes before turning to Leia. “Have you heard from Ben recently?” 

Poe winced at the reminder that they were discussing the general’s son’s probable feelings for the former Supreme Leader, the  _ Master of the Knights of Ren _ _ for Force’s sake _ , but Leia just nodded. 

“This morning, actually,” she said. 

“We know he’s been resistant to assisting us, but it might be a good idea to have him come in to answer a few questions,” Kaydel suggested. 

Leia finally sighed. “Of course.” 

“Anything else?” Kaydel asked Poe. 

“No.” 

“Alright, I’ll keep everyone updated,” she concluded, standing to leave. Finn followed without a word. 

“Poe, I’d like you to stay a minute,” Leia said. 

Poe glanced at the others as the tent flap swung closed behind them. “Of course,” he said, turning back. 

“I’m glad you’re fine. If I’d known that the assignment would turn out so unconventional, I wouldn’t have asked that of you.” 

“It turned out alright,” Poe replied, trying desperately not to think of just how great or conversely how horrible some parts had been. 

“It appears so,” Leia agreed. “I met Silyana when she was still a student at the Academy like Rey. I imagine she’s grown up to be quite beautiful, in a deadly kind of way.” 

Poe swallowed, his life flashing before his eyes. “How did you know?” 

“I didn’t, until just now,” she chuckled. “I thought at your briefing I  _ specifically  _ said you weren’t to seduce the contact.”

“That’s not what happened!”

“So, you didn’t sleep with her?”

“I didn’t mean to, I swear. It wasn’t my intention – I didn’t realize who she was,” Poe stuttered. 

“Are you saying that she seduced you?”

Poe groaned and sat down on a bench, catching his head in his hands. 

Leia chuckled. “Please, Poe, relax. While I’m not sure it’s entirely ethical, I believe you didn’t know. Honestly, men can be so dense sometimes.” She paused. “Well, so can women, but that’s not the point.” 

Poe didn’t dare look up yet, imagining the disappointed look in her eyes. 

“When I demoted you after Crait, I said some very harsh things.” 

“They were true,” Poe mumbled into his hands. 

“Yes, but they could’ve been delivered better,” Leia said. “I meant for you to refocus, not lose focus. Poe, look at me.” 

He raised his head reluctantly. 

“I wanted you to learn humility, but that’s not what this is. This is defeat.” 

Poe refused to cry. He wouldn’t do it. 

“You have so much to give the Resistance, Poe. You have a passion that few people can match. I know you’re discouraged, but I believe if you stop pulling back and starting pushing forward, that passion you’ve buried can light the spark that will burn the First Order down.” 

“Kaydel said something similar.” 

Leia’s lips twitched in a smile. “She’s right.” 

His eyes dropped down to his hands lying in his lap. “I hurt so many people last time.” 

“You can ask forgiveness. You can learn. You can help others, and you can lead.” 

Poe stared at his hands a minute longer before he looked up at Leia. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I was reckless and ignored the chain of command. I’m sorry that I put lives at risk without knowing what that really meant. I know now. I swear I won’t do it again.”

Leia smiled. “Apology accepted. Keep that up and you’ll be on the right track. Just please, for the love of god, don’t pull that shit again.” 

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, General.” 

“You’re welcome, Poe.” 

He started to leave, then turned back. “Would you not tell anyone about my, uh, the –” 

“I’m trusting you to tell your colleagues when it’s relevant and appropriate, Lieutenant.” 

Poe’s shoulders sagged. “Thanks, General.” 

She waved him off with a sly grin. “Now go get something to eat and get some rest. I doubt you got a lot of sleep on Cantonica.” 

Poe fled the general’s tent with a burning face. 

~---~

Finn trudged after Kaydel and she slowed to let him catch up. The path was barely wide enough for two people so he ended up tromping through the undergrowth as they talked. 

“That wasn’t what I was expecting,” Kaydel said. 

“I find it hard to believe it isn’t some kind of trick,” Finn admitted. 

“That’s why I wanted you there for the debrief,” Kaydel said. “When Poe gave me the summary I knew it would be important to get your and Leia’s opinion before we proceeded.” 

“I realize it might be hypocritical considering where I came from, but I didn’t have a choice to serve the First Order. The Knights of Ren did.” 

Kaydel frowned. “I don’t know that that necessarily disproves her claim to want our assistance. After all if this Knight chose the First Order, she could just as easily choose not to, especially if they turned on her.” 

“So she’s an opportunist,” Finn said. 

“Poe seemed fairly convinced she was being truthful.” 

“I thought he just seemed nervous.” 

Kaydel chuckled. “I’d be too, if a Knight of Ren tracked me down and let me live.” 

“True.” 

“What do you know about her?” 

FInn shook his head, stepping over a gnarled mass of roots. “Not much. The Knights were fairly separate from the stormtrooper ranks. I didn’t interact with any of them until I went on my first mission. I don’t believe, uh, Silyana Ren was there. It’s hard to tell them apart with the robes and hoods and masks. Kira Ren was there, though.” Finn shivered at the recollection. He tried to reconcile Kira’s odd moment of mercy when she didn’t turn him in for insubordination - he  _ knows _ that she saw him during the raid on Tuanul - with what Poe had revealed about her supposed relationship with Kylo and he suddenly felt wildly uncomfortable. 

“Was it just me, or did Leia not seem surprised about Poe’s claim about Kira and Ben?” Kaydel wondered aloud.

“It makes a disturbing amount of sense,” Finn admitted. 

“That was a lot to take in,” Kaydel said, stopping in front of the tent that made up the intelligence office. “You’ll be at the Command meeting later?” 

“Sure,” Finn said. “I had something else to ask you about. Do you know anything about a Captain Cardinal that defected from the First Order? I think if I could get in contact with him it would help with the project I’m working on with Rose.” 

Kaydel paused to think, her hand on the tent flap. “How long ago was that?” 

Finn shrugged. “Ten or so years ago?” 

Kaydel frowned. “I still haven’t caught up with all the old intelligence files and the name’s not familiar, but I can try to look it up for you.” 

“That’d be great,” Finn said. 

“Sure thing,” Kaydel said. “See you in a few hours.” 

Finn left her with a nod, wandering towards the center of the base. Poe’s report had provided much to ponder. Even though Finn had come to an understanding with his past, going so far as to reach out to his old squadmates in hope of sparking a rebellion, he had a feeling that his lives would be converging and that caused him no small amount of anxiety. Already, a headache was building up in his temples. 

Before he could travel too far down the pathway of  _ what if’s _ , he found Poe on his way to the mess tent. The pilot seemed in a hurry, not noticing Finn until he called out. 

“You alright, man? You look a bit shaken up.” 

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, fine. It’s just a lot.” 

Finn clapped him on the shoulder. “Seriously, I'm glad you’re alright. The Knights of Ren are nothing to mess around with.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Poe muttered, then straightened. “How’s Rose?” 

“She’s... alright,” Finn said. “You should really ask her yourself.” 

Poe sighed. “I know.” 

“I think she needs it as much as you do.” 

“She’s going to kill me.” 

Finn nodded. “But then you can both move on.” 

Poe gave a half-hearted laugh. “I guess.” 

“You can join us for dinner after the Command meeting,” Finn suggested. “I’ll tell her it was my idea so then she’ll kill both of us.” 

“You’re a good guy, Finn,” Poe said wearily. 

Finn just laughed, feeling the beginnings of his headache returning. “Dinner, then?” 

“Sure, I guess if you insist.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy August! I hope you all are doing well and staying safe out there... Leave a kudos or a comment if you feel like it - I love getting your feedback!
> 
> Next update is August 16


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand thanks to my betas, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) for their amazing assistance with this chapter!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

In retrospect, Ben probably should’ve commed ahead that he was coming. 

The problem with that, though, was that he was done with consciously letting Leia down and if he had commed ahead, his mother would’ve been expecting him. However, if he didn’t send advance notice, there was the choice to back out at any point with no one the wiser. Well, except Chewbacca. Realistically, the heavy silence of Chewie’s disapproval would’ve been enough to keep the  _ Falcon _ ’s trajectory to Ajan Kloss intact. 

Just the thought of explaining the shouting from last night caused nervous sweat to break out on his forehead. He wasn’t sure what Chewbacca could hear from within the Force bond, but when he’d emerged from the captain’s quarters Chewie had slowly, deliberately looked up from the djarik table. Blinking back agitated tears and smoothing his irritated expression, he waited for the other shoe to drop. But Chewie scanned him up and down with knowing eyes before shaking his head and turning back to the little holofigures glowing on the table. 

Now they were falling out of high orbit towards shimmering turquoise oceans teeming with life. The  _ Falcon _ angled across the variegated chartreuse continent where the Resistance’s headquarters lay hidden. It didn’t take long for two A-wings to fall in alongside the  _ Millennium Falcon _ and hail them to demand identification. 

“You’re entering restricted airspace,” came a firm female voice. “Name and business.” 

“Ben Solo,” he replied over comms. “Returning to help with the ongoing search operations.” 

“I don’t have any authorization for that name.” 

He sighed. Hoping for special treatment as Leia’s son was a bit much. “I have recent clearance codes.” 

“Send them over while I verify with ground control. Maintain a straight course.” 

“Will do.” 

He typed in the clearance codes that Leia had sent in a not-so-subtle hint to return soon. Familiar guilt that he hadn’t stayed with the Resistance tightened inside his chest as he sent the transmission, but he couldn’t just be there because of Leia. Everyone had expected him to get involved and help the cause. The stares had started to burn, bringing up memories of fawning, greedy senators and dignitaries from his childhood. 

Memories of Snoke, whispering ambitions and desires in his head. 

Escaping from the constant drain of being in the spotlight had been necessary. His mother understood, somewhat, even if it hurt. It hurt them both. And now, about to jump right back in, he would be the first to admit he’d come back for selfish reasons. 

The comm crackled. “Your codes are good. Blue Three and I will escort you to base.” 

Two A-wings approached from orbit, lining up on either side of the  _ Falcon _ , then descended into a shallow dive. They guided him over the treetops, zipping away to continue their patrol once the  _ Millennium Falcon _ sank beneath the jungle canopy to the appropriate landing pad. 

Finn greeted them once they disembarked. Chewie pulled the former Stormtrooper into a back-cracking embrace. He winced in sympathy as Finn gave a choked laugh, struggling to inhale. Once Finn had been set down,he clasped Ben’s hand. “Hey, Kylo, it’s good to see you.” 

“Likewise.” He cleared his throat. “How are you?” 

Finn gave him a half smile. “Ah, you know. Trying to be useful.” 

“I’m sure you’re more than useful.” 

Finn shrugged. “Useful, sure. Effective? I don’t know.” 

“You’re still working with Rose?” 

“Yeah.” Finn’s voice was strained.

“I should speak with her.” 

“That might be good. Hey, you could actually join us for dinner. Poe’s coming too.” Finn tacked on the last bit with deliberate nonchalance. 

“So you want an additional buffer,” he said. “I assume things haven’t improved.” 

“Rose still hasn’t talked to him.” 

“It’s been a year.” 

“And Paige is still dead.” 

There was no denying that. Those few months after Snoke’s death when he’d stayed with the Resistance, he’d barely seen Rose. It had been hard to miss how much she blamed Dameron, pointedly ignoring him whenever their paths had crossed except for the tension in her jaw and the bright fury in her eyes. Dameron had taken it to heart, disappearing on assignments off-base as soon as the Resistance had settled into its new home. But Paige’s death was one of many. Lacking the emotional fortitude to deal with his own troubles, he couldn’t add someone else’s. The niggling guilt that he had delivered the Tico sisters to their ill-fated mission didn’t help either. 

“Poe hasn’t really done anything either,” Finn sighed. “I barely managed to convince him to eat with us later.” 

He frowned. “Did you tell Rose?” 

“...No. Not yet.” 

Ben shook his head. 

“She wouldn’t come if I did!” Finn defended. 

“This is not going to go how you expect.” 

“No, it’s going to be worse.” 

Ben huffed a laugh. 

“Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. We’re having a Command meeting and Leia wants you there.” 

“When?” 

Finn glanced at the chrono on his wrist. “Ten minutes.” 

He grimaced. He smelled of space travel: stale sweat, oil, and ozone. The Resistance Command would just have to deal with it. Chewie waved him off, saying he’d find him later once the  _ Falcon _ had been inspected. 

Finn chatted as they walked across the base. Finn seemed relieved to talk. The sting of guilt twinged again. He hadn’t thought of how Finn might be adjusting to life in the Resistance, especially if two of his only friends weren’t talking. It reminded him again how much he and Finn had in common, being pulled in so many directions, unsure of how they fit into the social structure. He resolved to do better.

They arrived a few minutes early, pushing into the stifling interior of the tent. Someone had set up a fan, but the weak, artificial breeze died a few paces away. The holodisplay table took up most of the space, although it wasn’t in use. 

Leia was already there with Connix. When his mother looked up, the furrow in her brow relaxed and for a half-second it looked like she was about to cry. Instead she stood and drew him into a tight embrace that he reciprocated without hesitation. There was still distance between them, but he wouldn’t add to it. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Ben,” she said, pulling back to cup his cheek. He hunched so she wouldn’t have to be on tiptoe. “It’s been months.” 

“I know, mother.” 

“We were just about to beg you to come back,” Connix put in dryly. 

His eyes flicked between the two women. “Why?” 

“There’s been some developments,” Leia said. 

“Kira Ren?” 

“Close. Silyana Ren.” 

Ben grimaced. He didn’t think about the snarky former Jedi apprentice if he could help it. “What about her?” 

“Poe’s going to tell us,” Leia said. “It sounds promising, though.” 

The other members of the Resistance command began to arrive, filling the space and thoroughly undoing any effect the fan might have had. Rose entered and found Finn. 

“Hello, Kylo.” She looked thinner, a permanent crease etched between her brow as she fiddled with the necklace around her neck. 

“Hello, Rose,” he returned. Any follow up was cut short when Dameron arrived. Rose’s face shuttered, and it hadn’t been very friendly to begin with. Dameron saw Ben and took a half-step towards them until he noticed Rose. His burgeoning grin withered; instead he gave a nod and walked to where Leia and Connix were conversing at the head of the table. Ben glanced at Finn, who looked perplexed.

“Alright, let’s get started,” Connix said, and the murmur of conversation dropped. “We have the possibility of a new source of intelligence, which ordinarily would need only the approval of Leia and myself. But given its relevance to several current operations and the potential for controversy we need the consent of everyone here. Whatever the outcome of our decision, this is highly classified intelligence. No discussion of this will be permitted outside of this meeting unless authorized.” 

Rose leaned over to Finn and whispered, “Why am I here? Neither of us are on Command.” 

“You’ll see,” Finn answered. 

“Lieutenant Dameron?” Leia prompted. 

Dameron stepped forward and cleared his throat. “I’ve made contact with one of the Knights of Ren, the former Supreme Leader’s lieutenant. She was targeted with an assasination attempt similar to what we expect happened to Kira Ren in the aftermath of Hux’s coup. She is willing to offer us her information in exchange for assistance in locating Kira, whom she believes hasn’t been killed.” 

The tent exploded in a flurry of questions. Connix tried to control the flow of discussion while Dameron tried to keep up with answers. Most of the time, he wasn’t able to give the specifics the other commanders wanted to hear, but he had no doubt that Silyana’s offer was genuine. The woman’s loyalty to Rey had always been an odd mix of ardent unpretentiousness. Hux would’ve ended up getting stabbed in his sleep if he’d tried to woo her to his side, and apparently he had agreed if what Dameron said about the assassination attempt on Silyana was true. 

“They can’t be serious,” Rose hissed to Finn. 

“She could be an amazing asset,” Finn returned. “I don’t like it either, but if she has any intel on the new captain of the stormtrooper program, we could gain a lot of ground on our project.” 

“You knew about this?” 

“Only a couple hours. Poe only got back right after lunch.” 

Rose grunted, fixing a glare on Dameron. 

“All this is pointless if we can’t find Kira Ren,” one of the commanders was saying. “Have we had any progress on that front?” 

“Yes, actually,” Connix said. “We learned the assassination attempt took place on Mustafar, but after that, it’s unclear.” 

_ Mustafar _ . It made sense, her flushed cheeks and sweat-dampened hair, the Dark energy crackling off her skin, even as he held her and kissed her feverish lips. Especially when she threatened to seek out Vader’s spirit. 

“Could she still be there?” 

“Unlikely,” Connix answered. 

“She’s not.” The tent fell silent at Ben’s statement, which came out a little louder than he intended. He wasn’t sure why he was so certain, but if she’d been planning to use something on Mustafar to contact Vader’s spirit she would have already done it. He’d know. No, the certitude in her demeanor meant she had a plan, but what or where he didn’t know. Still, he wasn’t going to explain this in front of the entire Resistance Command. He scowled, daring them to ask a follow-up question. He might as well have shouted  _ I talk with Kira Ren through a bond that allows us to physically manifest wherever the other is! I did, just yesterday! _

Connix coughed. “Yes, actually, that brings us nicely to the next point.” 

_ Ah, kriff _ . Why’d he have to say anything out loud? If Leia was trying to pin him down, asking for commitment in front of the Resistance Command would be an excellent chance to do just that. 

“Locating Kira Ren would have to be moved up to a priority operation. More staff, more hours.” She looked to Ben. “Reaching out to our connections. Pulling in our resources.” 

A relieved exhalation escaped his lips. He would help but on his own terms. 

“And if we aren’t able to find Ren?” someone asked. 

“As long as we keep up the search, we’ll have Silyana’s cooperation,” Dameron said, seeming fairly confident. Ben raised his eyebrows. He wouldn’t trust Silyana as far as he could throw her. What had the Knight done to convince Dameron? 

“It’s advisable for us to keep searching, anyway, Commander,” Connix added. “Kira Ren is a liability that we need to have accounted for.” 

“Does anyone else have any questions or objections?” Leia queried. The commanders felt silent. “What about those aside from our senior staff? Finn?” 

Finn took a step forward, then hesitated. “I’m not entirely comfortable with it, but I think the benefit outweighs the cost. The intel she could give us would be from the highest levels of clearance. This would be invaluable for our strategic operations, not to mention potentially revealing new intelligence sources.” Finn locked eyes with Poe across the table, who nodded. “I do think we should be cautious, though. She wants to find Kira, but for what purpose?”

“I’m not entirely sure, although that was her only condition,” Poe said. He must have a better idea than he was letting on.

“That makes me a little nervous, actually,” Finn admitted. “She really should be asking for some kind of immunity, shouldn’t she?”

Connix nodded. “It is a bit odd. Our profile on Silyana Ren is lacking, so it’s hard to determine the motivation behind her offer.”

“Just to be clear, I’m not against it,” Finn interjected. “I’m just a little wary.”

“Thank you, Finn. Anyone else?” 

The commander who’d asked about finding Kira spoke up again. “What if we agreed on a probationary period? We all agree that finding Kira is going to be a priority operation regardless, but we should be able to safely sever ties with this Silyana if need be.”

Murmured discussion broke out again. Connix asked, “Dameron, do you think she’d agree to a probationary period?”

Poe nodded. “Yes, I believe so.”

Leia cleared her throat. “Alright, so we’ll amend the proposition to include the probationary period. Any other questions?” Everyone was apparently satisfied with the information that had been presented. No one spoke up. “Alright, let’s put it to a vote.” 

The commanders submitted their votes manually and Connix announced they had voted in favor of Silyana Ren’s terms. “As agreed, this will be on a probationary status. I will inform you individually of any changes as is relevant to your commands.”

“Remember this information and this decision are confidential,” Leia said. “Thank you for your time. Dismissed.” 

The assembled commanders began to exit, but Leia called Ben over before he could leave. 

“We’ll wait outside for you,” Finn said. He looked at Rose. “Then we can go to the canteen together?” 

“Sure,” Rose said, still frowning and tugging at the necklace with sharp yanks that tested the chain’s strength. She turned and left the tent. 

“Don’t take long, yeah?” Finn said, then followed. 

“Yes, mother?” He joined Leia. Connix and Poe stopped conversing to listen. 

“I don’t want to make assumptions, but does your return have anything to do with Kira Ren?” Leia asked. 

“Yes. I want to track her down.” Preferably before she made an unrepairable mistake, like attempt to commune with Vader’s spirit. 

“I hoped as much. As you’ve heard, we have several reasons to find her as soon as possible. Any assistance you can give us would be greatly appreciated, Ben.” 

He nodded. “Sure.” 

“I’ll have you work with Connix to start on a strategy for the mission. Whatever current information you have is invaluable.” 

Ben stiffened. Again, he had a sense that his mother knew or intuited more than she let on.

“And Poe, I’d like you to reach out to Silyana immediately so we can get this rolling.” 

“He’s having dinner with me,” he interjected, not entirely sure why he was meddling. Poe looked grateful. 

“Oh, of course, you’ve only just gotten back,” Leia apologized. “Eat something, then get some sleep.” 

“I’ll send her a message before I find a bunk,” Poe promised. 

“Anything I’m forgetting?” Leia said. 

“No, ma’am.” Connix said. “I think that covers everything. I can meet with Ben first thing tomorrow morning.” 

“Perfect. Now, move along, all of you. It’s too damn hot in this tent.” 

He started after Poe, but was halted by Leia’s voice. 

“And Ben, stop by later?” his mother asked. “A little time to catch up?” 

“Sure,” he replied, giving her a brief smile before ducking out. He nearly plowed into Poe, snatching the man’s arm so they didn’t tumble into an awkward heap. 

“Watch where you’re standing,” he snapped. 

“Sorry.” 

Finn and Rose were sitting on a pallet of crates further down the path. “This is going to be fun.” 

Poe sighed. “This may be my most dangerous encounter of the day. And I just talked to Silyana Ren this morning.” 

He snorted as they trudged along the track. “I wouldn’t underestimate Silyana. She’s... deceptively easygoing.” 

Poe was silent almost until they reached Finn and Rose. “I forgot you knew Silyana, before.” 

He turned to him. “Did she say something?” 

Poe shrugged. “She had to explain some history to convince me she was being honest.” 

“You can’t trust her.” His face sank into a glower. 

“What, like you trust Rey?” 

He froze and stared at Poe, who refused to meet his eyes. He jolted when Rose spoke up. 

“I thought we were going to dinner.” She was still seated, a hard stare fixed on the ground. 

Finn stood. “We are.” 

“Alright, then let’s go.” Rose jumped up and stalked away, shoulders tight. 

The three men followed quietly. Rose outdistanced them and already had a tray when they entered the mess tent. Poe wisely chose to sit diagonally across from her when they settled down at the table. Even without Ben’s Force-sensitivity, the tension was palpable. Rose wolfed down her food, still having not acknowledged Poe and obviously hoping to end the meal as quickly as possible. Conversely, Poe shuffled the food with a utensil, cutting glances at Rose. After a minute, FInn cleared his throat. 

“So, where did you come from, Kylo? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

He cleared his throat. “I don’t. I was in the Kashyyyk system most recently, checking in on something while Chewie visited his family back home.” 

They continued a stilted conversation as if their two companions weren’t desperately avoiding each other in their own ways until Poe suddenly tossed down his unused fork and broke in. 

“Rose, could we please –” 

“No!” She launched up, startling the group sitting at the table next to them. “We don’t have anything to talk about. You know what you did, and that’s it.” 

“But if we talked –” 

“It can’t change shit, Poe, so why bother?” She snatched up her tray. “This food tastes like sawdust anyway.” 

The three watched her stomp away. 

Poe sighed. “Thanks for trying, Finn.” 

“Sorry, I thought maybe, but I guess she just needs more time.” 

“No, I messed up. Some things can’t be fixed. If she needs to blame me, it’s fine.” Poe stood. “I think I’m going to go send that message and find a free bunk.” 

Finn frowned but let him go. “It could have gone worse.” 

“It could have,” he agreed, attempting to identify the green vegetable on the tray that had been cooked to oblivion. 

“I should go find Rose, make sure she’s okay.” 

“I’ll do it,” he volunteered. 

“Really?” Finn squinted at him. “You sure? She’s not going to be nice about it.” 

He rose from the bench. “I’m trying not to run away anymore.”

Finn snorted. “Yeah, well, you’ll be running right into it. Watch out for her electrostunner.”

He shrugged and made off in the direction Rose had gone. 

It took him a while, but after asking a few passersby he managed to find her at a workstation under a massive tent. 

“What are you doing?” 

She looked up. “Nothing. Sulking.” 

“If you need any tips, I’m considered an expert on sulking. Just ask my mother.” 

Rose snorted a humorless laugh. “I always forget Leia’s your mom. Isn’t that weird?” 

He shrugged. “Life is weird.” 

Rose was silent, eyes on a stack of readouts, weighted down with a dusty rock from the jungle so they didn’t blow away. She was fingering the necklace again. 

“What is your necklace?” he asked. 

Rose startled, then glanced down as if remembering she wore it. “It’s Haysian smelt,” she said quietly. “My sister had one just like it.” 

Ben could have smacked himself on the forehead. He’d apparently inherited his father’s ability to stumble on sensitive subjects. Hopefully he’d be able to draw on Leia’s skill at saying the right thing 

“I’m sorry about Paige,” he offered. “I didn’t know her well, but she was very smart, smarter than all of us, and brave, and kind.” 

“I know,” Rose said, tucking the necklace’s pendant under the front of the jumpsuit. 

“I’m sorry, too, that I agreed to that plan. I knew it wasn’t without risk.” 

“It was Poe’s idea,” Rose said vehemently. 

“Yes, but I agreed to it. It’s my fault, too.” 

“You wouldn’t have done it if Poe hadn’t asked.” 

“I didn’t have to say yes.” 

Rose made a frustrated noise. “Do you want me to be angry at you, too?” 

He took a breath. “You know, Paige didn’t have to agree, either.” 

Rose fixed him with a scorching glare. Ben had to stop from taking a step back. 

“Don’t you dare say that.” 

“Rose -” 

“She wouldn’t have agreed if I hadn’t convinced her! She knew it was stupid, she knew it would get someone killed, but I convinced her that Poe’s plan would work! And it  _ didn’t _ ! She died, Ben. She died because of Poe’s stupid plan.” Rose was breathing hard, her eyes shimmering with tears. He should have reached out to comfort her, but he was wary of the electrostunner Finn had warned about. 

“Poe knows, Rose. He knows he made a mistake.” 

Rose let out a sound that was half-snarl, half-sob. 

“But you know too, that we were all part of that mistake. No one person was at fault.” 

Rose pressed a hand over her mouth and looked away. 

“It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. We can’t undo it. Not me, or Finn, or you. Not even Poe. I’m sorry, Rose.” 

“I don’t want to forgive him,” she admitted in a choked voice. “If I do, then she’s gone.” 

“You're not betraying her if you talk to him,” he said. “You don’t even have to forgive him yet. You could just listen.” 

“I can’t.” 

He stuck his hands in pockets. “You could always try.” 

“Why?” 

“Paige wouldn’t want you to be hurting.” 

“How do you know?” 

“She helped me when I needed it. She cared for others. You’re her sister. I think she’d care more about you than some stranger she barely knew.” 

Rose’s face crumpled and tears began to overflow. Ben shuffled his feet, glancing around to see if anyone had noted their conversation before returning attention to her. “Do you,” he broke off and Rose looked up. He swallowed. He definitely should have let Finn handle this. “Do you want a hug? I just, I don’t know, thought maybe it would help?” 

She blinked up at him. “Do  _ you _ want a hug?” 

“Uh...” 

She cocked her head, looking oddly mischievous for someone with tears running down her face. “Do you even hug your mother?” 

“Yes,” he scoffed. “Occasionally. Just today, actually.”

She regarded him with reddened eyes and a firm jaw. “I’ll take it.” 

“Okay –” 

Rose wrapped her arms around his middle in a squeeze. He barely had time to reciprocate before she retreated, wiping her eyes. 

“Thanks, Kylo.” 

“Sure.” 

“Don’t tell Poe that I forgive him. Because I don’t.” 

“I won’t.” 

She nodded. A smile flickered and disappeared. “You’re probably tired.” 

“Yeah. Long trip.” 

“You should find a bunk before any open ones are taken.”

“Thanks for the heads up.”

“See you tomorrow?” 

“Probably. Good night, Rose.” 

“Good night.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and if you have any thoughts I'd love to hear them! Leave a kudos or a comment - they make my day!
> 
> Next update will be August 30.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) for their invaluable input!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

To say Poe wasn’t impressed with Corellia was an understatement. It may have had something to do with the speeder that had splashed oily water on his pants as it whipped by, the pervasive stench of noxious exhaust, or the fetid scent that curled up from every sewer drain. The general unfriendliness of the denizens of Coronet City was the clincher that ensured his distaste.

Silyana’s message had been brief and slim on details, giving only an address and time. He read the building number written on his palm once again, took a left turn, sidestepping a grim-faced man who nearly bumped into him. Tall skyscrapers of steel and duracrete framed either side of the crammed pavement, the sky dim and pale through the smog hanging over the city. Everything, even the people on the sidewalks, was a monochrome of ashen severity. Hunching deeper into the rough fabric of the scarf covering his nose, he scanned the crowded streets while avoiding eye contact. Hopefully the meeting place was indoors and had air filters. Living here long term had to be hell, the smell seeping into every pore and hardening the heart.

A black-gloved hand reached out and grasped his bicep, yanking mid-stride into a gap between two buildings. Poe stumbled, hand going to the blaster in its side holster, but was whipped around with surprising strength and pinned face-first to the wall. The handgun clattered on the ground.

“What the hell are you doing here?” his captor hissed, her voice sharpened by a vocoder.

“Silyana?” he sputtered.

In answer she yanked him around to face her. Though significantly shorter than him, unremarkable in a thin charcoal jumpsuit under a woven black jacket, the silver mask that glowered from under her hood like a frozen skull triggered a cold sweat as she leaned closer.

“Say my name a little louder, would you?” she whispered, a dry exhale from the mask puffing against his scarf. “I’m trying not to attract attention. Did you get my last message?”

His hand uncurled so she could see the address scrawled there. “This message?”

“Apparently not.” Shifting onto her heels, she shook her head and sighed. “We can’t stay here. Too visible.”

He glanced back at the main thoroughfare, where no one had cared to notice the near-mugging. “What’s going on?”

“Just come on.” Her leather gloves snapped as she dropped the restraining hold, snatch up the dropped blaster before slapping it into his hand. “Let’s go.” Grabbing his elbow, she pulled further away from the street.

He tripped after her, toes catching on shattered transparisteel, rusted metal, and bits of ferrocrete, trying to yank free. “Alright, alright. I can walk by myself.”

“Congratulations. Now hurry up.”

“Where are we going?”

“My hotel room.”

Unease halted Poe in his tracks, and Silyana took two more steps before pivoting and cocking her head. “What?”

Trying to maintain a glower in the face of her immobile mask, a mask that reminded him in certain terms that this was a Knight of Ren, was no easy task. “I’m not doing that again,” he insisted, standing taller to muster his tattered dignity, even as Leia’s knowing expression flashed in memory.

Setting hands to hips, she scoffed, “Seriously, this again? I’m not taking you back to my lair to have my wicked way with you. And that was entirely, enthusiastically consensual, if you’ll recall.”

Shrinking into himself with crossed arms, he looked away from her invisible stare. He did recall. At the extremely inappropriate and unprofessional fantasy his mind conjured unbidden, a flush crept up his neck.

She continued, ignoring his internal battle. “If you’ll also remember, I have lots of people trying to kill me. Some of them may have found me. Which is why it is safer for you if we meet somewhere not so public. Got it?”

Scowling, he wondered, Had she been attacked?

“I can take care of myself, thanks for your concern.”

“I thought you didn’t read minds.” He shifted back unconsciously, readjusting his scarf.

“I’m not. You’re an open book. A picture book for very small children.” Whirling on a heel, she stalked away. Poe followed a few seconds later, scuffing his boots and muttering a few choice words.

Silyana led him on a winding route through the city, which outside of the downtown quickly devolved into a warren of slimy, stinking alleyways. The crowds gave way to a few swaddled figures that scurried by and the occasional shifty huddle of miscreants that glared as they passed. At irregular intervals she’d halt abruptly and Poe would catch himself before bumping into her. Then she continued on or backtracked without warning. Her evasive maneuvers heightened the unease flickering in every shadow, however the ominous hush left no option but to follow without complaint.

A speeder backfired, jolting his attention towards the source.Turning back, the empty muddy street caused his stomach to lurch. Before he could panic, she reappeared in the doorway of a dingy hostel and beckoned.

The canteen on the first floor smelled of alcohol and the inescapable chemical fumes of the city. Only two patrons huddled in their seats nursing cups of spirits. The creaky stairs echoed with the dust rising with every footstep against the dark walls as they hurried to the third floor. Four doors lined the narrow windowless hall. Silyana crossed to the second one down and waved a bracelet key by the lock and they entered her sparse accommodations.

“I hate this thing,” she said, removing her helmet once the door hissed shut. Poe privately agreed, feeling a rush of relief when she turned, silver-white hair and glacier-blue eyes reminiscent of that first night when she’d simply been a human woman, not a Knight of Ren. Unbidden, his eyes fell on the lightsaber hilt attached to her belt, trying to comprehend the difference between the two.

“Still think I’m going to kill you?” A corner of her mouth quirked as she shrugged off the jacket to toss it over the lone chair.

“No,” he murmured, meeting her eyes. He couldn’t distinguish the two versions in his mind. They were both Silyana now. Oh, stars, is this how Ben thinks of Kira? he thought, then shivered. Nope, nope. Not at all like that.

She stepped close and ran a finger up his arm. “Sorry about the kidnapping.”

Coughing to vanish the tingle in the wake of her touch, he glanced around the room. A narrow, stiff-looking bed crouched in the far corner, crammed next to a rickety table and chair. Illuminated by a wide window with moth-eaten curtains letting in the pathetic gray light from outside, the open doors leading to the fresher and closet were dark holes in the far wall. “This place is kind of a shithole.”

“Well, it beats sleeping in a trash bin. Trust me, I know. One of my favorites was just a couple blocks over.” She gestured vaguely out the grim-crusted window.

“You lived here?”

“Ha, yeah. Welcome to my homeworld.”

“Ah.”

“Don’t worry,” her eyes rolled, “I agree with your ‘shithole’ assessment. No fond memories, really.”

A confusing twinge in his chest threatened to derail his thoughts. He cleared his throat. “You said someone found you?”

“A bounty hunter, but I took care of it.”

He shot a furtive glance at the closet.

“No, no dead body this time,” she assured him, sitting cross-legged on the bed, muddy boots smearing across the faded blue bedspread. Taking a few more steps into the room, he scorned the listing chair to stay standing.

“The Resistance agreed to your terms on a probationary status,” he said. “Your information for our help finding Kira Ren. If it doesn’t work out, then they want to be free to renege on the agreement.”

“If it doesn’t work out,” she drawled. “How do you intend to go about finding her?”

“Ben came back.”

Her eyes widened, then she smirked. “Did he now?”

Poe nodded.

Silyana rocked back with a silly chortle like a gleeful child who’d been promised sweets. “I should’ve known.”

“He thinks he knows where she is.”

The bed creaked as she leaned an elbow on her knee, eyes narrowing. “How?”

“She’s been in contact with him. I think.”

A flicker of hurt crossed her face. “Figures she would reach out to him first, the idiot. They’re both masochists.” She picked up the lumpy pillow and smacked it, releasing a cloud of dust, then attempted to lean it against the wall to support her back. “You better keep a tight leash on that boy, otherwise he’s going to run off and get them both killed.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed he has that tendency.”

She shifted to get comfortable, but eventually gave up and tossed the pillow on the ground with a sad plop. “It’s kriffing obnoxious.”

Chuckling, he kicked the grimy cushion, but paused when she straightened and glared.

“What?” he asked, taken aback at her chameleon moods.

“Be quiet.”

“I’m sorry, I -”

“Shhh!” Vaulting off the bed, she prowled towards him. He tensed but her eyes were fixed on the door, not him. Carefully, she reached out and took hold of his wrist, pulling him behind. His hand went up to her waist.

“Silyana,” he exhaled into her ear. “What -”

“Move!”

Silyana shoved him towards the corner, upending the table, just as the door exploded inwards. A sibilant cry followed by Silyana’s yelp, the buzz of a lightsaber igniting, ricocheting plasma bolts scorching the walls. A fist connected with bone, an enraged shriek, and a large body tumbled onto the bed. Silyana was right behind, squeezing the life out of a Trandoshan as they thrashed and gurgled. Poe gaped from behind the table.

“Hey, Dameron! A little help?”

Shaking off the shock, he jumped to her side. She wasn’t truly choking the would-be assassin, rather crouched over their twitching supine form, gloved hand hovering as she gritted her teeth and crushed him telekinetically against the mattress. The bounty hunter’s bones creaked under the strain, his eyes rolling.

Poe felt a cold drip of fear run down his spine. “W-what do you need?” he stuttered.

She gave him a brief glance before summoning her fallen lightsaber and igniting it against the Trandoshan’s neck, who began to writhe as the green plasma singed his scaly skin and burned into the bedding, filling the air with acrid smoke. “Check the hall,” she ordered before focusing on her captive. Her demeanor veered sinister, her voice lowering into a sweet crooning murmur, “Alright, how’d you find me, trashcan?”

“The bountiesss,” they cried.

“Yeah? What about it?” The lightsaber edged deeper, eliciting a high whimper.

Leaving the unfortunate bounty hunter to her with a shudder, he slipped to the door, raised his blaster, and exhaled before peering towards the stairs. The responding plasma bolt nearly hit him, splintering the doorframe, the shot echoing in his ears.

“Placesss. Your places.” The words were torn out in screams.

“He’s not the only one!” Poe warned, while he returned fire. Running footsteps and confused shouts reverberated through the hostel walls.

“Kriff!” Silyana exclaimed. There was a halted shriek and a sizzle, then Silyana stood beside him. “How many?”

“Can’t tell.” He gasped, not daring to look towards the bed. Another plasma bolt hit the door frame, sending shards of wood and metal flying.

“Kriff this.” Igniting the saber once again, she started into the corridor, wielding an emerald beam that reached for the ceiling, but he grabbed her shoulder.

“You can’t maneuver out there with that thing. It’s too narrow.”

She snarled and twisted free. “Who made you master of what I can and can’t do?”

Sending off another barrage to keep their attackers at bay, he yelled over the shrieking gunfire, “Okay, then what are you going to do?”

“We don’t have time for explanations!”

“Try me.”

“They’re going to kill us, Dameron. I’m trying to return the favor!”

“I want you to stay alive, unlike them!”

“Oh please, tell me how you really feel about me.”

“I’m not apologizing for protecting your reckless ass!”

“Now is not the time for your masculine ego to make an entrance!”

“Don’t talk down to me. You know nothing about it!”

During their argument, they’d fallen back from the gaping hole that had been the door as blasterfire edged further into the room, leaving smoking pockmarks. Silyana wrenched free with a feral snarl just as something solid clunked against the wall, rolling into the room to stop at their feet.

“Silyana!”

She took one look at the beeping detonator. “Window, now!”

Poe didn’t hesitate but shot one, two, three times at the window until it shattered. Silyana tackled him around the waist, taking them out and through the window, crystalline pieces of glass flying with them as they plummeted to the street below.

He didn’t have time to prepare for the impact, but apparently Silyana had anticipated making such an exit. They landed on a pile of moldy discarded mattresses in the back alley. Insects and rodents skittered away, startled from their home.

A memory appeared, of her above him like this, her eyes just as fierce and determined although burning with an entirely different kind of fire. It was distinctly less pleasurable than the last time they’d been in this position, the air knocked out of his lungs for a less exciting reason.

“Ow.”

“Thanks for acting as a mattress,” Silyana said, pushing herself off his chest.

“Anytime,” he huffed, hands letting go of where they’d automatically clasped onto her hips. She stood and offered a hand. Pulling his scarf up, he accepted and rolled off the mattress onto the street. Other lodgers were stumbling out the back door as smoke billowed out of the window they’d escaped through, but she was already moving and he ran to catch up, ignoring the cries and clamor behind them.

“Where’s your ship?” she asked. Shaking her head at the name of the space port, she broke into a quick jog. “No good. It’s too far. Tell your droid to fly it home. I know a place closer where we can jack a ride.”

“What about yours?”

A scoff. “Don’t have one.”

He pulled out a commlink and called BB-8, telling him to prep Black One for take-off and head back to base. Several swear words informed him that BB-8 was not pleased to be leaving him behind, but he reassured him they’d be fine despite the shouts that chased after them. Shoving the device back in a pocket, he careened around another corner after Silyana, trying to outrun the angry shouts on their heels.

He nearly crashed into her when she stopped, grabbing her shoulders to keep from toppling over.

“Sorry,” he yelped, letting go as if burned. She ignored him, gesturing to a small docking bay crammed between two tall tenements.

“Take your pick, flyboy.”

An array of dismal planet-jumpers and ancient cargo-haulers lined the cramped space, attended by a few quarreling pit droid. At the end sat a pocked courier ship that had clearly gotten the worst end of a meteor shower. It wouldn’t have much in the way of armaments, if anything, but it’d be light and quick.

He pointed. “There.”

Silyana sprinted down the bay and skidded to a stop at the small ship’s hatch. When he caught up, she had pulled out the hatch’s security panel and was dismantling the locking mechanism.

“Hey, you!”

An irate Devaronian trotting towards them. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That’s mine!”

A couple of near plasma bolts sent him scurrying. “Sorry!” Poe hollered after him.

“Five seconds,” Silyana muttered, wrenching out a handful of wires.

“Um, need help?”

“No, thank you.”

A plasma bolt scorched past his ear. At the docking bay entrance, two well-armed individuals were headed their way. Poe steadied his arm and fired back, forcing the presumed bounty hunters to find cover.

“Got it!” The hatch hissed open and she leapt through. Poe sent off a few more shots before following. Once in the tiny one-person cockpit, she refused to move towards the controls.

“Come on, we gotta go!”

“You’re the kriffing pilot!” she retorted with an exasperated flick of her hand.

“Fine!” He slid into the seat and started the ignition sequence, settling into a familiar headspace.

“What’s taking so long?”

“Give me five seconds. You might want to take a seat,” he advised. The courier ship shuddered as blasterfire littered the ship’s hull. Silyana complied, edging into a drop seat behind him. The sublight engines whined and they eased upwards. “Hang on, this might get exciting.”

The docking bay’s roof was already retracted and he wasted no time in lifting them above the buildings and jetting towards the sky.

“Look out!” Silyana cried, pointing back towards the city center. A pair of TIE fighters skimmed the tops of buildings, rapidly closing the distance.

“This ought to be fun,” Poe chuckled.

“Oh, kriff. You should’ve picked something with actual defenses!”

“Don’t need ‘em. I can handle them without any of that.”

Silyana yelped as the ship accelerated, leveling towards the oncoming fighters. “Now you decide to get cocky?”

“I hope you strapped in!”

The decision to choose quick and light over heavy guns was fortuitous, at least in the race against the nimble TIEs. Having flown a TIE once, he was familiar with their limitations, and put that knowledge to use, keeping low to the ground. The courier ship was pushed to the limits as he dodged and twisted and looped, scraping past the taller buildings and weaving through air traffic as they neared the city center.

The scream of the pursuing ion engines rose to a peak as they crept closer, although Poe was scarcely aware of anything outside of the yoke in his hands. Checking the position of the TIEs, his eyes darted over the cityscape to find what he needed. Abruptly the courier ship dropped back, slipping between the two fighters. They faltered, trying to account for the sudden reversal when he pushed forward again, sliding into a canyon formed by skyscrapers. The TIEs leapt after the courier, too eager to regain their target in the narrow space to realize they were set to collide.

As the pursuing fighters smashed together in a concussive explosion of billowing fire, Poe let out a whoop. He pulled back on the yoke, sending the courier ship skyward.

A self-satisfied smirk stretched across his face, but it vanished at the sight of her already pale skin turned ghostly gray, hands white-knuckled on the seat as she stared with wide eyes out the cockpit.

“Silyana?” he queried.

Unbuckling herself, she lurched towards the back. Violent retching sounds from the fresher filled the tiny ship. After a brief hesitation, Poe started to fiddle with the navcomp rather than follow her. He set the coordinates for their destination, then spent more time making adjustments to the controls for his preferences. After a few minutes, the heaving noises stopped, replaced with running water, then soft footsteps.

She sat down quietly while he finished his made-up task. “Go ahead. Spit it out,” she sighed, spreading arms wide.

Poe leaned back in his seat, settling hands behind his head, and eyed her pasty complexion. “Well, you’ve already seen me throw up so I suppose our relationship is on even standing now.”

Her gaze flicked up to his, a spark of amusement bringing color back to her cheeks. “Relationship? Don’t flatter yourself, Dameron.”

“Partnership, relationship, whatever. Don’t twist my word choice. You inferred that implication all on your own.”

“If you say so.”

“Would you rather I say otherwise?”

Slouching back in the jumpseat, she chuckled. “You really do get off on these flying stunts, don’t you? A little bit of adrenaline and you’re nothing but confidence.”

His mouth quirked in a poorly-suppressed grin. “You have to admit that was some pretty great flying.”

“We survived.”

“That’s it? No, ‘thanks for saving my life, Poe,’ or, ‘you’re the greatest pilot in the galaxy, Poe?’”

“Don’t push it. Surviving is all I can give you credit for.”

He slumped dramatically. “I guess I’ll take it.” A beat. “Can you even pilot a ship?”

Slinging an ankle of her knee, she flipped her braid. “Of course, I can. I’m not incompetent. I just prefer other modes of transportation. Or at the very least I’d like a pilot who has the discipline not to rattle his passengers all over the ship.”

Poe threw up his hands. “But that’s no fun.”

“We have distinctly different definitions of fun.” Her lips quirked in a lascivious grin. “At least in this instance.”

“Oh, Force,” he moaned. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

“You would be disappointed if I did.”

Poe swiveled back towards the control panel before he said something to get in trouble. The navcomp chimed just then, announcing they’d arrived at the hyperlane for Ajan Kloss.

“Where are we going?” Silyana asked as he brought the hyperdrive online.

“The Resistance,” he admitted.

“And how is that going to go?”

“They’ll have to take you into protective custody.” The hyperdrive engaged with the familiar tug and stretch of dimensions warping. He turned back. “I’m sorry.”

She raised a shoulder in a lazy shrug. “Don’t worry. I’m holding it against Hux, not you. That orange bastard started this whole mess.”

Frowning sharply, he said, “Speaking of, those were First Order fighters.”

“Obviously.”

“They figured out where you were pretty quickly.”

Silyana shrugged again. “Corellia’s my homeworld. Guess it makes sense I’d run there even if I hate the place.” Dark circles deepened under her eyes. “I hoped Kira would think of that, not Hux, but here we are.”

“But how would Hux know? I can’t imagine you’d have that be public record in the First Order database.”

“No, it wasn’t. The Knights were largely outside of the Order’s oversight. It shouldn’t be in the database at all. But that bounty hunter said something about the bounties. Usually all the info that’s included is the last known location, but Hux must’ve added some details.”

“You’re sure you don’t just have a tracker on you? Some kind of subdermal medical chip?”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “Who the hell do you think I am?”

“Okay, okay, just asking.” He raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I don’t want to arrive at base with a First Order fleet on my ass.”

“Hmm.” Her gaze fixed out on the blurred, brilliant splotches of hyperspace. “You’re right, though. He had to figure it out somehow.”

“What about the other Knights?”

“They don’t know either, except - Tirian. That son of a bitch.” Thunder darkened her countenance as the air shivered with the force of her rage. “Of kriffing course he’d be a karking traitor.”

“Silyana…”

At his anxious tone, the edge of her anger softened. The ship’s fuselage sighed in relief as she relaxed the unconscious tension.

“Sorry.” Her hands were in her hair, mussing the tight braid she’d made in the fresher. “But if Tirian’s with Hux, it’s only a matter of time before they find Kira.”

“But we have something they don’t.”

She raised her head. “If you say Ben Solo, I’m going to lose it. He couldn’t find the wrong end of the lightsaber if it poked him in the eye.”

“I was gonna say you, but Ben’s pretty great, too.”

“I appreciate the attempt at levity, Poe, but I’d like to be allowed to freak out in private.”

A sly grin slid across his face. “You realize you’re very lucky I showed up when I did.”

“That’s it.” Faux outrage drew her to stand. “I’m leaving you to your cockpit. How long until we get to where we’re headed?”

“About twelve hours.”

“There’s a bunk back here. Wake me when we’re close.”

“Alright.”

"I'm going to kill him."

"What?"

"Hux. I'm going to kill him."

Silyana left Poe to the flickering starlines, contemplating the unexpected turns this trip had taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Feel free to share your thoughts with a comment or kudos.
> 
> (Sorry Silyana and Poe took over again. It couldn't be helped).
> 
> Next update will be September 13 CDT.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely betas [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) for sticking with this story 😘
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

“This is the first time we’ve been off-base in months.” Finn’s breath froze in a frosty cloud between the drifting snowflakes. “It’s nice to get a change of scenery.” His boot lost traction on the steep, ice-coated cobbles and he toppled backwards with a curse. Rose snatched his elbow before he hit the ground. 

“I’m not here for the weather,” she said. 

“Neither am I.” They were here for Captain Cardinal, and the thought of seeing his old commander made Finn break out in a cold sweat beneath his layers. “I still appreciate not breathing in the swamp air on Ajan Kloss.” 

“Sure, I guess.” She tugged her fur-lined hood further forward. “I’m pretty sure I’ve inhaled enough culici flies to last a lifetime, but the atmosphere there has substance.” 

Finn snorted. “True. I can’t catch my breath here. The locals must have excellent lungs.” The steep, slick streets were difficult enough without the thin oxygen at this altitude. On board the  _ Finalizer,  _ the worst days were exercises where they’d lowered the oxygen in the training centers, forcing the stormtroopers’ bodies to adjust. Many had passed out, but Phasma did it again, and again. “It could be worse.” 

“It definitely could,” she said.

Finn took a surreptitious glance over his shoulder. The city of Kijimi was nestled on the flank of Mount Izukika, perpetually wreathed in snow and cloud. The Kijimiko streets grew emptier the further they went from the spaceport. The city wasn’t First Order-friendly but the quiet made him nervous – was there a curfew they weren’t aware of? Getting thrown in a lockup overnight wasn’t ideal. More likely, though, the savvy residents were hurrying home to avoid plunging temperatures and chill winds. 

“How much further?” Rose asked, shivering. 

Finn recalled the street map he memorized. “Not much.” Another aspect of his training: retaining the patterns of territories and terrains without a physical map, or get left behind and die. “Up these stairs,” he directed. Glancing back again, they crossed into the Thieves’ Quarter. The street was empty except for warm light pouring through window panes, glittering on the snow. 

Finn guided them through a series of turns, finally ducking into an alley. “Stay behind me,” he said as he approached a doorway. Rose faced the street to keep watch. 

He rapped once, twice on the wooden door. At first nothing happened, but after several seconds, a shuffle reached them from somewhere inside. A slot cracked open, light spilling out. 

“It’s late,” a voice snapped. 

“Sorry,” Finn said, unable to stop the apology. He cleared his throat. “Uh, oh-nine-two-two?” 

Silence. The slot slammed shut and Finn flinched back. Was this the right place? Was the passphrase invalid? He moved to knock again. 

“Um, Finn?” 

He turned. Several figures had materialized with armed blasters pointed at them. Rose already raised her hands. Finn took her elbow and pulled her back slowly. “We must have the wrong house,” he offered. “We’re just a little lost. We’ll be going now.” 

A woman stepped forward, dressed neck to ankle in a wine-colored, insulated bodysuit. Blasters hung in a holster over her hips, but she hadn’t drawn them, her posture loose yet attentive. A golden helmet hid her expression as she surveyed Finn and Rose. 

“You don’t seem lost,” she said, voice roughened by a vocoder. 

Finn scowled, nostrils flared. This could easily take a turn for the worst. He’d be full of smoking holes before he managed to touch his blaster. 

“Where do you hail from?” 

“Nowhere.” 

The woman turned to Rose, who glared daggers and raised her chin. “Hays Minor,” Rose said. 

Her helmet faced Finn. “Come with us.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out, trooper.” 

He stiffened but the woman pivoted, leaving the henchmen to prod them onward. They had no choice but to follow. Traversing darkened streets, Finn felt an itch to reach for his weapon but the newcomers didn’t express overt hostility. He hesitated at a low doorway, warm air gusting from inside, but Rose shoved him forward. “She knows you’re a stormtrooper and she didn’t shoot you yet,” she muttered. “I think we’re going to be fine.” 

Indoors, the air was toasty and they unfastened their thick coats to let the warmth reach their skin. Trailing the woman down a short set of stairs, they found a gathering space with tables and chairs. Archways led to other rooms, and a staircase in the back led up to the second floor. The blasters at their backs directed them to sit at the table. The woman hopped onto a side table leaning against the wall. 

“You’re Resistance.” It was a statement, but Rose confirmed it anyway. 

“Yes. Are you Bliss?” 

“I am.” Bliss crossed her arms. “It’s been a while since the Resistance reached out.” 

Rose’s mouth set in a thin line. “They’ve been busy.”

“I’m busy. You’re busy. Everyone’s busy.” 

“We’re here to speak to Cardinal,” Finn said. 

“I figured as much. The Resistance doesn’t tend to go in for spice.” 

“Spice?” Rose asked. “You’re a spice runner?” 

“And general contractor, but right now it’s mostly spice.” 

“Do you know where he is?” Finn interrupted. 

“Cool your engines, trooper. He’s on his way.” 

“Oh. Good. That’s good.” 

“You know him or something?” Bliss asked. 

“Something,” Finn muttered. 

“What about you?” Bliss said to Rose. 

Rose shrugged. “I just hate the First Order.” 

Bliss chuckled. “Get in line, girlfriend. They’ve managed to kriff up a lot of lives.” 

A knock rattled the front door. Bliss dropped to the floor and trudged up the stairs to open it. A wave of unease washed over Finn, carried on the gust of chill air, but when he looked up, a familiar face calmed his nerves. He never thought he’d see the man descending the stairs again. Finn leaped to his feet. 

“Captain Cardinal?” 

The man pushed his hood back, dark hair shorn close to his scalp as if he’d never shaken off the habit. “Nobody calls me that anymore.” 

“I know you don’t remember me, sir. FN-2187, sir.” The physical urge to salute made him twitchy.

“FN, huh? That was one of the last legions that graduated before I left. I apologize, I’m not sure that I remember you.” 

“That’s fine, sir. I go by Finn now.” 

“CD-0922. I believe you already knew that. But please, call me Archex.” 

“Archex. Did you decide on that name yourself?” 

“It was my birth name,” he said. “Why don’t we have a seat? I’m sure you have several questions, and I have several for you.” The former captain turned to Bliss. “Are you staying, Zorii?” 

“I don’t have anywhere else to be,” Bliss answered. 

“You mean you’re curious about all this,” he chided, taking a seat across from Finn and Rose. 

She joined them at the table, removing the golden helmet. Her voice was still raspy but not as harsh. “You can’t blame me when you’re so evasive about it.” 

“No, I suppose not.” He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. “But I guess it’s about time somebody knows, especially now that that snake managed to become Supreme Leader.” 

“Who? Hux?” Finn asked.

“Yes, the younger Hux.” Archex studied him for a moment. “How long have you been out?” 

“A little over a year, sir.” 

“Have you come across any others?” 

“No, sir.” 

Archex grimaced. “That’s disappointing. Phasma never tolerated loose ends.” 

“Phasma is dead,” Rose spoke up. “Finn killed her.” 

Archex’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” 

Finn nodded, then told his journey, starting with the chaotic fight in the  _ Supremacy’s _ disintegrating hangar where Phasma died, then backing up to his escape from the  _ Finalizer  _ with Poe. 

“That’s quite a story,” Archex said with a ghost of a smile. “Mine is much less impressive.” 

“Honestly it was a series of mistakes that somehow turned out alright,” Finn said. “Phasma thought she’d finished me and that was the only way I had a chance.” 

“Is that why you’re here? Because Phasma is dead?” 

“No. Well, not exactly.” Finn glanced to Rose, who was silent during the retelling. She nodded encouragingly. “We’re trying to reach out to the others. We already have a few contacts in the FN and TZ corps, but, well... they don’t know me or trust me, not like they would trust you. I was a traitor. Phasma turned me into a villain when I escaped. But you just disappeared, and almost everyone knows you from training when we were younger.” 

“You want me to lead a revolt?” Archex asked, disbelief coloring his tone. 

“Sort of, yes?” 

Archex rocked back, eyes fixed on some distant point beyond the room on Kijimi. His face crumpled, jaw tight. Finn leaned forearms on the tabletop and opened his mouth to bargain, but Rose laid a hand on his and shook her head. Zorii crossed her arms, waiting.

After several long minutes, Archex said, “I don’t know. That’s... that’s a big ask, Finn.” 

“We need your help,” Rose encouraged. “It is a big ask, but the fuses are already there, we just need you to light the spark.” 

“She’s right,” Finn added. “The propaganda and conditioning are difficult to overcome, but they’re not stupid. The truth of the First Order’s crimes is all around them. They just need someone they’d believe to open their eyes.” 

Archex looked to Rose. “Why are you in this fight?” 

Rose raised her chin. “Hux destroyed my home planet and Phasma threw my sister’s body out of an airlock.” 

Archex’s face fell. “I’m sorry.” 

“You weren’t the one who did it.” 

He ran a hand through the dark bristles on his head. “Do you know much about how I got out?” 

“No,” Finn said. 

“I think you should know who you want to be your symbol,” Archex said. “It’s nothing heinous, I don’t think, but I’ll let you be the judge.” He settled his clasped hands on the wooden tabletop. “I’m originally from Jakku, although I may have come from somewhere before. My mother died, and I don’t remember my father. 

“During the Battle of Jakku, Brendol Hux found a group of orphans including myself, and offered us a way to get off the planet. I took him up on the offer, and we became the first of Brendol’s stormtrooper program. He chose me personally, and I became his bodyguard. Eventually, he promoted me to captain and put me in charge of all the training in the program. He was the one that gave me a name, Cardinal, instead of just a number, along with my red armor. I was... intensely loyal.” His nostrils flared. “Looking back now, I realize he was a kind of father figure to me, even though he never showed affection of any sort. I just did as he asked, and did it well. 

“Then he found Phasma. I wasn’t there when his ship crash-landed on Parnassos, but somehow he managed to get off the planet. Parnassos was a toxic wasteland where everything was designed to kill. The only things that survive do so because they’re more deadly than what’s trying to kill them. That’s Phasma’s homeworld. Brendol picked her just like he picked me, but she wasn’t grateful simply to be chosen like I was. She was always scheming for more, and she found a friend in the younger Hux. 

“I didn’t know it at the time, but she assassinated Brendol with Armitage’s blessing.” His hands curled into fists. “She was clever about it, making it almost impossible to connect it to her or the younger Hux. I certainly didn’t; I didn’t learn about it until later. At that point, she was already in charge of the adolescent and adult cadets, and I had been sent to the  _ Absolution _ to train the children. That’s likely how you remember things to be.” 

Finn nodded. 

“I had suspicions about Phasma for a long time, although most of that could have been ill-disguised jealousy. Her disdain for me, though, was not just my imagination. A few days before Hux and Phasma were due for an inspection, the  _ Absolution _ had captured a Resistance spy, Vi Moradi. I – interrogated her myself, because her ship’s log showed she had just visited Parnassos. I was pretty paranoid by then, and Brendol had been dead for a few years. Moradi told me what she knew, which was much more than I did, and when Phasma arrived, I confronted her alone in a training room like the fool I was.” He opened his thick jacket and unbuttoned the shirt beneath, revealing two silvery, puckered scars. “She stabbed me, twice in the chest, and left me bleeding on the mats.” He closed his shirt as he continued. “She didn’t even care to make it a killing blow, she wanted me to bleed out slowly. 

“Luckily, those Resistance fighters are nothing if not persistent. Moradi had escaped and found me, and for some reason decided it would be a good idea to take me with her. Moradi barely managed it, but the next thing I really remember was being in the Resistance’s protective custody. Eventually I recovered, but I didn’t want to commit to the Resistance’s cause, so they hired Zorii here to babysit me where the First Order couldn’t find me.” 

“He’s been disgustingly easy to watch over,” Bliss said. “I almost think I robbed the Resistance for those credits.” 

Archex gave a tired smile and said to Finn and Rose, “I suppose you’ll be wanting an answer.” 

“You don’t have to decide tonight, sir,” Finn said. “We can stay for a day if you need time to think it over, and you can always contact us later.” 

He laid his palms flat on the table. “No, actually, I’ve already made a decision. I’ve been deciding for a long time. When I first got out, I wasn’t ready. I was too scared and angry, and yes, even hurt. But now that I’ve had some time to deal with it, I am more than ready to help however you’d need me.” 

“Really?” Finn said. “That’s amazing, sir!” 

“Yes, thank you,” Rose said. 

“Don’t thank me too much. I haven’t done anything yet except not die. And I’d be more than happy to see that Supreme Leader get what he’s got coming for him.” 

~---~

Kira thought Tirian was a shit pilot, but he could ground a vessel if he had a mind to. Destruction didn’t take genius. She would know. 

When Kira had crawled out onto the surface and breathed in the ash-flecked breeze, the TIE Whisper sat right where she’d left it, mocking her. Outside, it appeared untouched, but inside was a riot of smashed instruments and cut wires. 

Every time she thought she’d escaped her past, the scavenger came in handy. 

It took a solid day of work and a few harrowing journeys to the abandoned hangar attached to Vader’s castle, but Kira knew her Imperial and First Order TIE fighters inside and out. The water in the hangar smelled like rotten eggs, but it kept her from collapsing of dehydration, and she’d rather drink the sulfurous water than return to the decimated village for provisions. 

She was grimly pleased when the engines came online without a hitch. 

Hovering over Mustafar’s volcanic vista, Kira activated the TIE’s hyperdrive, praying that it wouldn’t blow and leave pieces of her in three different systems. Ben hated the idea of this quest, and to fail before she started would prove him right. However if she was reduced to smithereens, their battle of wills was pointless. She gripped the yoke harder, knowing even then he would blame himself for her desperate decision. He’d done it before after she’d foolishly fallen into the cave-in on Eadu, embracing her in the caverns, too forgiving for his own good. He was blinded by that forgiveness; if only he would see to understand. 

The hyperdrive hummed, ready to be engaged. Shaking off runaway thoughts, Kira entered the coordinates, held her breath, gripped the pearl tucked into her palm, and – 

– exhaled when the stars bled into planes of white light. 

TIE fighters weren’t equipped with hyperdrives for a reason until Hux got it into his head that they were strategically necessary. Small ships might be acceptable for small jumps, but for hours-long trips, they were extremely cramped and lacked the appropriate facilities. Her weakened condition made the journey more miserable, so her first trip through hyperspace did not take her far from Mustafar. 

Hoth was a frozen wasteland with little commercial resources and no sentient life, providing an excellent, off-the-radar hideout for the Rebellion, until it didn’t. After the dust settled, much like Jakku, the scavengers swooped in to make a living off the battle remnants. Unlike Jakku, Hoth was close enough to the main hyperspace routes that it was a more convenient stop for a layover. Eventually, it evolved into a waystation for the shadier sort. 

By now, Kira was definitively the shadier sort. 

She nearly froze on the hike from the TIE’s landing spot to the settlement in Echo Base. The skies were clear of blizzards but the harsh sunlight and hunger gave her a headache by the time she stumbled through one of the outer doors. A few sentients glanced up at her arrival, but with frost-edged cloak and hood, she looked like anyone who didn’t want to pay extortionary fees to dock within the base. The distinctive mask was with the starfighter. Her bare face was one of her best disguises. 

She attempted to thaw out by a radiant heater until the need to move before someone yelled at her for loitering became apparent. 

The marketplace scarcely earned the title, a set up of three vendors preoccupied with glaring at each other when no customers were around, which was often. Kira made some hasty purchases – stable-packaged foods, liters of water, a dubious-looking meiloorun – before taking the quickest route out of the Base. 

She almost passed a news holo projected in the middle of an intersection when the headline glowing in blue aurebesh characters caught her eye. 

_ Supreme Leader Offers Reward for Information Regarding Location of Kira Ren _ . 

So they’d decided she wasn’t dead. Or, at least, they’d decided to tell the public that she wasn’t dead. The figure underneath the headline made her feet quicken. It was an obscene number of credits, something she knew from financial planning meetings would come from some unlucky general’s budget. 

_ Credits _ . 

She’d used her credit chip to pay for the food. How could she have been so foolish? It was shocking the transactions hadn’t failed, but Hux surely put a trace on all her monetary assets. She could guarantee that before the day was up, First Order forces would be descending on Echo Base. Kira unwrapped a nutritive bar and gnawed on it as she surreptitiously lengthened her stride. Maybe low blood sugar could be blamed for her idiocy. 

Another holo, this one with Silyana Ren’s face and another large bounty. What did that mean? When the Knights betrayed her, it was safer to assume that betrayal was total. Or if not safer, easier. Reaching out to Silyana would be stupid, a path ending with Hux’s victory. Kira couldn’t contact her now anyway. She wasn’t entirely an idiot. She’d disabled the TIE Whisper’s trackers, both original and mods, and reset the navcomp and the ship’s logs to the manufacturer’s state so that any records or viruses wouldn’t betray her. If she’d lost everyone’s comm information, too bad. Anyone she would have contacted with either dead or a traitor. 

But none of that would matter if the First Order was close enough to pick her up on their scanners. 

Maybe the cold dulled everyone’s senses, or bounty hunters didn’t lurk in Echo Base, but Kira made it to the exterior without any trouble. She made sure her purchases were secure before beginning the trek back. 

It had taken her less time returning than going, but the stranglehold of anxiety gripped her as she scarfed down another bar, strapped in, and ignited the sublight ion engines. Even though her face was numb from the cold, sweat dripped down the back of her neck. Would Hux come personally, or would he send the Knights to seize her? 

Her eyes scanned the starscape when she emerged into the black, but she couldn’t detect anything yet. With unfeeling fingers, Kira tapped in coordinates to the place she was sure she’d find a way to reach Darth Vader. 

The Endor system. 

The hyperdrive came online with that familiar feeling of paradoxical weightlessness and pressure as the TIE leapt through dimensions into hyperspace. 

Endor’s forest moon featured in many of the stories she’d heard as a child, mostly from Han and Luke, and once from Leia. 

Luke didn’t talk about the battle. He told about the Emperor, about Vader, about the Dark Side. He told the Jedi apprentices about how Anakin had been redeemed. And then later, how’d he cremated what remained of his father’s body on a pyre while the celebration went on around him. 

Kira scoffed at the memory of Luke’s conviction in Anakin’s redemption. The idea that he somehow undid a lifetime of horrific deeds through a sacrificial death was ludicrous. Furthermore, the seeming inevitable conclusion Luke had reached that that redemption meant that Vader had to have turned to the Light was without basis – and she would prove it, if not because Ben needed to know the truth, then just spiting Luke’s ghost would be enough satisfaction. It was hollow motivation, but she clung to it, let it occupy the void in her mind that would otherwise swallow her, dragging her back down to the catacombs under Mustafar’s surface. 

~---~

Silyana blinked at the sound of her name being whispered, feeling the remnants of sleep dissolve and fall away. 

“Silyana?” Poe called from the cockpit, as far away from her napping bench as possible. Which, given the last person who’d woken her was trying to kill her, was probably a safe choice. 

“I’m up,” she said, rising to stretch with a groan. “Are we there?” 

He stepped closer. “Nearly. I contacted the base. We’ll be coming in the back way.” 

“And how are they handling the situation?” Silyana pulled the tie out of her hair and combed through the strands before weaving it into a braid. “And by situation, I mean me.” 

He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “The Command thinks it best if most people don’t know that you’re on base. They’ve set up a, um, space that’s separate from the detention center.” 

“Sounds cozy.” 

“It’ll be safer anyway.” 

“You really think someone’s going to assassinate me? I thought my reputation was more intimidating than that.” 

He shot her a glare. “Your reputation is exactly why we’re doing all this.” 

Smirking, she tapped her chin. “You’re being remarkably calm about this.” 

“It’s only going to be a problem if one of us makes it one.” 

“True,” she agreed. She unhooked the lightsaber hilt on her belt, weighing it in her hand before offering, “You wanna hold on to this for me?” 

His eyebrows drew together. “Why?” 

“You aren’t going to lose it. And you’ll give it back to me when I need it.” 

“That’s a lot of assumptions.” 

“Despite my nature, I trust you.” 

“Well, that makes one person,” he joked, but accepted the weapon and grasped it gingerly. 

“If you’re going to lead this Resistance thing, you’re going to have to work on the poorly-disguised self-loathing,” she observed. 

He raised his eyes from the lightsaber hilt. “I’m not a leader. You know, I’m barely an officer. I wasn't supposed to be the one meeting the informant in the first place. I shouldn’t have been on Cantonica.” 

“Really?” she said. “Too bad.” 

“Yeah, well, it’s my own fault,” he shrugged. 

“Hmm.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Tell me.” 

“You won’t like it.” 

“I don’t care.” 

She leaned back, ankles crossed with a sly grin. “You’re a lot like Kira.” 

“You’re right, I don’t like it.” 

“You both are stubborn idiots who don’t want to deal with the consequences. You’d rather wallow in your own misery. Ben’s like that too, if it makes you feel better.” 

“Oddly, not that much.” 

She chuckled. “Told you.”

He held the lightsaber up. “It’s green.” 

“It was mine before shit went down. Snoke didn’t like it much, but he was also a giant prick, so...” 

Poe’s lips curled in agreement. 

“There’s a kyber crystal in there.” She gestured to the weapon. “Chose it myself. Or it chose me, depending on who you ask. It’s colorless, so the shade of the beam is always a bit of a surprise. When we went to the First Order, Kira bled her crystal.” She shrugged. “I still felt like the same person, so why change the weapon? I didn’t want to do that to the kyber anyway. It screams.” 

“It  _ screams _ ?”

“Yeah. It’s semi-sentient.”

He stared at it. “This Force stuff is weird.”

“It’s life.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Poe promised. 

She smirked. “You’d feel guilty now, if you didn’t, yeah?” 

“Maybe a little.” 

A ping from the cockpit announced their arrival over the planet. Silyana followed him to the cockpit to catch a glimpse of her new safe haven. 

“What’s the climate?” she asked. 

“Tropical jungle, mostly. Definitely where the base is at.” 

Poe contacted ground control and transmitted the codes. Listening in, she determined they wouldn’t be getting an escort to the base because of the secrecy around her presence. 

Their landing was much gentler than their departure from Coronet City. Poe settled the courier ship in a small clearing where a few people stood inside the treeline. She realized there was something Poe hadn’t mentioned. 

“Who’d you tell?” 

He continued going through the post-flight checklist. “What?” 

“About us.” 

He reddened, but didn’t look at her. “Leia.” 

“She figured it out, didn’t she?” 

“Maybe.” He stood. “Let’s go.” 

“What did I say, Poe? You’re like an open book.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts? Lmk - leave a comment or a kudos! I promise slowly but surely all these crazy subplots are converging lol. Thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> Next update Sept 27 CDT


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) and [Chridder](https://reyloforcebalance.tumblr.com) \- y'all are the best!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Side-by-side, Silyana and Poe disembarked from the stolen courier. Silyana halted in the ship’s shadow, back straight and keen eyes scanning the vibrant surroundings. The air was practically dripping with moisture, rich with the scent of wet earth. She kept her hands visible at her sides, resisting the urge to wipe the sweat from her face. The stupid mask was blown to smithereens back at the hostel but she wasn’t mourning. It was probably for the best, and besides, going bare faced lent an unassuming appearance with her wide blue eyes.

A petite blonde woman wearing a circle of braids atop her head stepped forward. Her sharp brown eyes took in every little movement as she strode to meet them. 

Poe straightened. “Commander.” 

“Lieutenant.” The commander’s gaze slid towards Silyana. She produced handcuffs from a pocket and approached, spine stiff and eyes narrowed. 

Silyana deliberately relaxed, raising wrists as if expecting a kiss on the knuckles. Even though symbolic, the glint of metal carried memories of slavers and poachers stalking through the maze of the Corellian slums, her freezing feet slapping the pavement, always looking over her shoulder. Restraints hadn’t held her then and they wouldn’t now, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. Next came a blindfold of coarse black cloth as if she were a stressed fathier before a race, heightening her perception of the cacophony of jungle insects and birds, Poe at her side, the balmy air, and the Force, rippling and pulsing around every lifeform. 

A twig snapped when the commander stepped back. “This way.” 

Silyana tensed when a warm hand took her elbow.  _ Poe _ , she realized, and resisted an eye roll though no one would see. This charade was ridiculous. The thick humidity and his proximity was not helping either of their body odor, and even though he whispered thoughtful warnings of roots or drops in the path, she wanted to shake him off. 

There were only two soldiers, aside from the commander and Poe. Their confidence was disconcerting and rankled her concentration. Shuffling over fallen leaves and crackling twigs, Silyana gritted her teeth and let Poe lead her blindly through the jungle. Stirring up trouble wouldn’t help find Kira.

After several minutes of hiking, the spongy earth underfoot changed to clanking metal. Poe pulled her to a halt, and then the ground shuddered and sank downwards. The the air changed, from sticky warmth to damp cool. The warmth of sunlight on her face disappeared. They must be underground. 

Once the platform settled, Poe tugged forward. Something clanked and squealed, and then the ground changed again, metallic but hollow, resounding with every footfall. 

“Sit,” Poe said. “There’s a table, here, put your hands on it.” 

The cuffs clinked against the tabletop, then a hum emitted from the table and the cuffs fixed in place. Poe removed the blindfold as the commander closed the door they’d entered. Silyana took in the new lodgings. It looked like the inside of a shipping container, retrofitted with a bed, a toilet, and the table where she sat. 

“My name is Connix,” the commander said, stepping forward. Poe leaned on the wall, hands pressed against it, ready to launch forward if needed. “I recognize this wasn’t expected and is somewhat unorthodox. Usually surrenders are negotiated in advance, but given the circumstances we’re willing to discuss terms after the fact.” 

“Surrender is a strong word,” Silyana said, arching an eyebrow. 

“What would you call it?” Connix crossed her arms and popped out a hip. 

A shrug. “Not that.” 

Connix glanced at Poe. “Yes, well, we can figure that out,” she said. 

“You seem to be thinking along the lines of  _ capture  _ or  _ imprisonment _ based on the accommodations.” SIlyana pointedly scanned the bare furnishings. 

“This isn’t ideal for any of us,” Connix said with a faint scowl. “This is for your protection as much as ours.” 

“So I’ve been told.” 

The subtle hints of frustration in Connix’s expression jumped to the forefront. “Like I said, we’ll negotiate a suitable compromise shortly. Meanwhile, Ren, this will have to do.” 

Silyana slouched in the seat. “Please, Commander, call me Silyana. Ren is my master’s name.” 

Connix’s sharp eyes narrowed. Silyana felt the revulsion rolling off the commander as Poe stiffened. “We’ll be back for discussion later. Until then, make yourself comfortable.” Connix turned to go. 

“I’ll be right out,” Poe said. Connix gave him a borderline glare. “Please?” he added. 

She nodded. “Two minutes.” 

“Wait!” Silyana leaned forward. “I need to speak to Ben Solo as soon as you can drag him down here.” 

“It’ll be part of the negotiation.” Connix nodded, a firm set to her lips that broached no argument.

Silyana scowled, then shrugged, slumping once again. “Fine. Have your little power trip.” 

Connix smiled thinly and repeated. “Two minutes, Poe.” 

When she’d left, Poe pushed himself off the wall and stood across the table. “What the hell was that?” 

“What?” 

“Being...” He waved an agitated hand at her. 

“Myself?” 

“No. No, not yourself. Baiting Connix like that.” 

She snickered. “I’m doing it to you right now, you realize that?” 

“Yes. Definitely. Obviously.” 

“I don’t know what this is, but you must have really undersold my villainous nature. Two guards? Really? It’s insulting.” 

He set his hands on the table, leaning over her. 

“It’s not insulting, it’s trusting. I vouched for you, and I’m surprised they went for it, but could you do me a favor and not be a Knight of Ren right now?” 

“You prefer my seductress persona? Sorry, I’m not going to go around kissing everyone so they like me.” 

He pointed a finger. “As you’ve pointed out so many times, you didn’t seduce me. That was mutual. And for Force’s sake stop holding it over my head. It’s juvenile.” 

“Aha!” she perked up with a glib smile, “So you admit you wanted me.” 

“I never denied it,” he griped, looking up to return her fierce gaze. “No need to act like you’ve won something.” 

“I just like hearing you say it. It’s growth.” 

Poe closed his eyes and sighed. “Okay. I’m going to leave now.” 

Silyana smirked. 

His eyes opened and he snorted at her expression. “But seriously. Please don’t unnecessarily harass people?” 

Rolling her eyes, she sighed, “Fine.” 

He straightened, nodding his head. “I’ll try to get things moving.” 

“Any chance I could get something to eat? It’s been a while and the last thing I ate I threw up.” 

He laughed, she glared. 

“Sure,” he said. 

When he’d gone, the hum from the table stopped and lifted her hands free. The cuffs also detached from each other, helpful for whenever a meal found her. She twisted a hand, inspecting the bracelet.  _ Some kind of magnetic locking.  _

After several stoic minutes staring at the far wall, the silence began to close in on her. She shut her eyes against the feeling and laid her head on the table to wait. 

~---~

BB-8 was the one who found Ben first. 

Ben wasn’t proud of it, but he resorted to hiding from certain Resistance members. Mostly Connix. She had developed a frightening habit of finding him anywhere and peppering him with disturbingly insightful follow-up questions. 

“Who’s here?” he demanded, sure he’d misinterpreted the spew of binary from the bubbly astromech. But no, BB-8 repeated it word for word. Shaking his head in slight disbelief, he looked around for an ambush, sure Connix wouldn’t make this easy.

He had sat down with her for an extended interview the day after arriving on Ajan Kloss and she was excruciatingly thorough with her questions. They covered everything since the night the Academy had burned. 

He left out any mention of the bond with Rey. It was tricky at points, and he was sure Connix intuited the falsity of some of his lies and obfuscations. She didn’t press further, seeming to know that if she did, the easy flow of answers would shut down. Anyway, it was awkward enough because Poe had apparently learned  _ something _ from Silyana about the nature of his relationship with Rey. 

How much did she know, and how much had she told Poe?

Any scenario where he admitted the entire truth would immediately get him arrested. Detention in a Resistance cell would be a major hindrance on his top priority: utilize the resources on the base to find Rey as soon as possible and go to her. 

Funny, then, that Silyana Ren’s plan was so similar, yet ultimately landed her in the very situation he was trying to avoid. 

“There you are!” Poe said, appearing from a clump of jungle fronds that obscured Ben from the rest of the base. “I’ve been looking all over.” 

“Did you really bring her back here?” he asked. 

Poe gave a sheepish grin. “Yeah. She’s, uh, secured though, so you don’t need to worry.” 

“Contained my ass,” Ben growled. 

“Yeah, well. She wants to talk to you.” 

“I’m sure she does.” He stood with a sigh. “Let’s get this over with.” 

Poe and Ben followed BB-8 to one of the access points for the underground storage center and took the winding metal stairs. Their boots clanged with each step, but BB-8 caused the entire structure to reverberate. He careened down with a squeal, bumping against the walls. Dim orange lights illuminated the sealed containers, full of fuel and energy cells, tactical equipment, food stores, and more. They wound through the warren created by the rectangular reinforced boxes. 

“I’ll have to go in with you. Part of the protocol,” Poe explained, stopping in front of one of the containers. He hit the keypad and the first door clicked open. “Anyway, there’s video monitoring, but, uh, Command doesn’t want to take chances. Wait out here, Beebee.” 

BB-8 complied as the two men stepped into a small anteroom and the outer door closed. Poe wiped beads of sweat from his forehead before activating a panel on the inner wall. “Hey, Silyana? Ben’s here. Could you put your hands on the table?” he said through the intercom, and turned to Ben. “It won’t open unless she’s restrained.” 

Ben grunted noncommittally. He didn’t know how this was going to go, and the anxiety rolling off Poe in waves certainly didn’t help. 

“You ready?” 

“Just open the door, Dameron.” 

Silyana’s eyes were already fixed on him as if she had been able to see him through the thick metal, and he met her unblinking gaze steadily. She sat at a table, wrists resting on its surface. She looked much like he remembered – white-blonde hair in a long braid down her back, sharp blue eyes, slight frame – but he could sense the dark cloud of deadly power inside her had grown since he’d last seen her. 

“Last time I saw you, you were being dragged like a sack of tubers to the detention center.” She grinned. “How things change.” 

“Do you know where she is?” 

She crossed her ankles. “I thought you’d be the one to tell me that.” 

“I don’t want to play games.” 

The next thing he knew, his back slammed into the container’s wall and his skull hit the metal with a clanging crack. Poe yelped. Ben thrashed in surprise, but he didn’t push back. She wasn’t choking him, not yet. 

“If you don’t want to play games, tell me why you’ve been acting the  _ idiot _ for years?” Silyana leaned over the table, half-out of her seat despite the restraints still fixed to the table, her fingers curled into claws. 

“Kriff, Silyana, let him go,” Poe begged, although he made no move to assist Ben. In fact, he was similarly, if voluntarily, plastered against the opposite wall. He almost looked sick. “Please?” 

Ben watched as Silyana cut her eyes towards Poe. The Force pinning Ben to the wall relented and he settled on his feet. 

“You’re lucky I like him.” She relaxed into the chair with a little noncommittal sigh. “But seriously, I hate you for what you did to her. I’d probably kill you if I didn’t know it would ruin her.” 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I made a lot of mistakes.” 

“Ha! No shit.” 

“And I’m trying to fix them.” 

“Is that what you told her? I bet that went over well.” 

Ben cast eyes to the ceiling. Silyana wasn’t at the top of his ideal list of allies, but life hadn’t been cooperating with his wishes for a long time. “She’s angry with me.” 

“I can’t, because my wrists are stuck to this kriffing table, but if I could I’d be doing a slow clap right now.” 

“I told her that I forgave her.”

She stared for a long time. Long enough that Poe was preparing to fill the silence, taking in a breath to say something, anything, when she laughed, howls reverberating in ear-splitting echoes. Poe looked about ready to crawl up the walls.

“You absolute  _ fool _ ,” she gasped, cricking her neck to wipe tears on her shoulder. “Tell me that was a joke.”

“Switch off.”

“Did you ever consider that your forgiveness is not what she wants?”

“I thought we weren’t going to play games,” he snapped.

“Then quit treating it like one and get serious. Forgiveness isn’t going to break your little toxic pattern. You need to give her commitment. Reassurance.  _ Trust _ .”

He snarled. “That won’t matter if she’s dead.”

“Fine,” she sighed, “you’re not entirely wrong. We need to find her before Hux does. Or she does something stupid.” 

“She’s already doing that,” Ben griped. “That’s why I’m here.” 

“You know where she is?” 

“Not exactly.” 

“But you’ve been in touch?” 

“...Yes.” 

“How? I’ve tried all her comm channels, encrypted, private, all of them, and I can’t get through.” 

Ben ran a hand through his hair. He glanced at Poe, who raised his eyebrows in question. 

“Don’t clam up now,” she prompted. “I’m pretty sure I have a decent guess already.” 

He let out a shuddering breath. “I haven’t told anyone, and I’d ask that you don’t share it any further.” 

Silyana shrugged. “Sure.” 

Ben looked to Poe, who crossed his arms. “I’m trusting you,” he said. 

“Alright.” Ben closed his eyes. “Rey and I have a bond within the Force. It allows us to manifest physically in the other’s location and speak to one another, although we can’t visualize their surroundings. We can’t control it and as far as I can see, the manifestations occur randomly and spontaneously. It’s been happening since Starkiller over a year ago.” 

Ben dared to open his eyes and found Silyana’s countenance unreadable. Her face went red, then white, then red again. 

Poe, meanwhile, gaped a little. “Is that even possible?” he asked. 

“Apparently, yes,” Ben said. 

“Isn’t that an invasion of privacy?” 

“I suppose.” 

“Is she here right now?” Poe asked in an almost-whisper. 

“It’s not like that. She’s not a ghost; you’d be able to see her.” Ben paused. “At least, I think so. I – we can touch each other, so it’s not like a hologram. Although it hasn’t ever happened with others present.” 

Poe was extremely unnerved, running a shaking hand over his nape and squeezing. Ben cleared his throat. He preferred Poe’s interrogation to Silyana’s nonreaction. “I understand if this undermines your trust, Dameron, but I promise I haven’t allowed it to compromise the Resistance.” 

“Could that happen to anyone?” Poe asked nervously. 

Ben shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “No. Our bond... It’s almost unheard of.” 

“Silyana and I had sex,” Poe blurted. 

She let out a long sigh. “Wow. Okay. Your timing could have been better with that.” 

“What? He should know. He told us his secret,” Poe defended. 

“Mmm, yes, but I don’t think those secrets are of the same caliber. Also, it’s your secret, not mine. I’m not the one who thinks it was a mistake.” 

“Well, sorry I’m not ready to have an unpredictable, metaphysical, uncontrollable bond with you!” 

“Their bond doesn’t have anything to do with sex,” she hissed. “Look at that man! Obviously a virgin. No, the Force chose them.” Poe opened his mouth but Silyana cut him off. “Not the time, alright?” 

“Fine,” Poe griped. 

Any congeniality in the room had evaporated. Silyana deliberately relaxed her hands, palms flat on the table. “Ben, when was the last time you spoke to her?” she asked. 

“Yesterday,” he answered testily. “That’s how I know that she’s no longer on Mustafar.” 

“She was still on Mustafar?” Her jaw tightened. “What did you do?” 

“We argued. She’s going to look for a way to contact Vader.” 

Silyana paled. “Tell me you’re joking.” 

“I’m not.” 

Silyana let out a string of expletives with such venom that even Ben flinched. “So she’s alone, angry, distracted, hunted, and trying to commune with a dead Sith. Did I miss anything?” 

“No.” 

“Do you have any idea where she might be going?” 

“I’ve been trying to think of possible locations or artifacts, but it’s difficult given the lack of consistent record keeping since the Empire fell.” 

“Wouldn’t she just stay on Mustafar?” Poe inquired cautiously. “That was where Vader’s castle was, right?” 

“Yes, but the New Republic removed and destroyed most of Vader’s possessions,” Ben said. 

“At least they were supposed to,” Silyana muttered. 

“True,” Ben admitted, running a hand through his hair. “But what was left behind was picked up by cults or other adherents to the Dark Side. What remains is too dangerous and volatile to provide a stable medium to commune with spirits.” 

“Sounds lovely.” 

“Have you thought of anything promising?” she asked Ben. 

“Maybe. Mostly I’ve been trying to think of things she’d know without having resources to research. She seemed to have her mind set on something already.” 

Silyana settled back. “I’ll try to come up with ideas, too. Meanwhile, you need to talk to her again, but  _ without  _ pissing her off.” 

“I can’t guarantee that.” 

“Yeah, trust me, I know.” She closed her eyes and leaned back. “Get out. I’m done looking at your stupid face.” 

Ben took the dismissal without protest and gladly turned to the door. Poe followed. Outside, BB-8 was waiting, impatiently chirping a question at Poe as soon as the locks were secured. 

“You can see her when we bring her dinner, buddy,” Poe answered. He looked up at Ben a bit reluctantly. “Sorry for the inappropriate, um, personal info.” 

“I’ll admit I didn’t expect that. But I’m likely one of the last people in the galaxy who could hold that against you, and you’re smart, Dameron. Just be careful. I know better than anyone how much a relationship with someone who has different beliefs can damage your life if you’re not careful.” 

“We’re not in a relationship.” 

“I’d technically have to say the same about Rey. Unless, it was a one-time thing.” 

Poe looked at BB-8, who seemed very interested in the answer. “I, uh, don’t know.” 

Ben nodded, then said, “I’m going to go work on research.” 

“Alright, sure.” Poe cleared his throat. “Um, only Leia knows so far.” 

“I won’t tell, Dameron.” 

“Thanks.” 

Ben rubbed his temples. Why did everything have to be so complicated? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Leave a comment or kudos to let me know what you think - I love hearing from you :)
> 
> Next update October 11 CDT


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The forest moon of Endor wasn’t the ideal planet for recreational expeditions. 

The climate was friendly enough, and the weather was fairly mild, especially around the equator. There were no carnivorous plants, no blood-thirsty fauna, no poisonous water sources that a basic purifier couldn’t handle. But the sentient life forms were the problem: the Ewoks. Finicky, stubborn, and surprisingly vicious. 

Kira had resolved if at all possible to avoid them on her artifact hunt. She’d landed the TIE Whisper several clicks from the nearest Ewok settlement to avoid detection. While it wasn’t unheard of to befriend the Ewoks, it would be tedious. She didn’t need tedious. Neither did she need someone to remember her presence here to tell to those that followed. 

She extended bare hands to the flames and watched the sparks drift up towards the TIE’s fuselage until they became twinkling cousins to the stars above. It was impossible to not recall the stories of the Battle of Endor while being here. Ben hadn’t cared much for battle retellings or romantic tales, but he hated it even more when Han teased him that he’d likely been conceived under the trees on Endor. Leia promptly told Han to shut up as young Kira frowned at Ben’s scarlet face. She understood enough about adult relations and reproduction to understand the jesting implications. It was confusing, though, because Ben’s birthday and the date of the battle from San Tekka’s contemporary history lessons didn’t add up. When she presented Ben with the math that proved Han’s claim false, he understood the attempt to ease his embarrassment. With a small smile, he assured her he already knew. 

But these recollections were nothing more than ghosts. While it was undeniable that events on this moon had a significant impact on her life, she was here to recover a different connection, something unreachable otherwise. 

The woods were eerily quiet aside from the occasional rustle of undergrowth, and the pungent woodsmoke masked any scent from the trees. Sleep seemed a distant possibility yet, so her eyes fell shut and her mind opened, seeking. 

The planet was full of Light but speckled with pockets of Darkness in an untampered, natural way that eased the lingering rubbed-raw feeling of Mustafar. While the forest moon was not a stranger to the presence of Force users, they hadn’t lingered or altered the world’s equilibrium, leaving only the faintest footprints. Except – 

There. Something Dark, an echo rebounding on itself. An impression of something potent, something... powerful. 

The cool forest breeze caught in her lungs. It was near enough. Leaving early in the morning she could reach it by midday and hopefully return before nightfall, assuming there were no issues. 

A tickle against her consciousness drew it inward. It was the bond, but not like before. The awareness of him was a constant, but now his presence was like a stone dropped into a bucket of water, creating displacement and sending ripples over her. Although her eyes opened, she couldn’t see a physical form, but he was there. Her heart would have ached if not for the deep, soothing sound of his voice that resonated in her mind as though he spoke into her ear. 

“Rey?” 

She could imagine his warm breath feather over the side of her face. “Ben. What is this?” 

A pause. “The bond, still. It’s manifesting differently.” 

Searching the shadows with narrowed eyes, she commanded, “Don’t hide from me.” 

The Force exhaled, the flames shivering before it, and caught its breath. Ben stood across the fire. The faintest shadow of a smile flickered in the fiery light, his shoulders sloped in lines of relief. 

“I wasn’t hiding,” he said. 

“Then why wouldn’t I be able to see you?” 

He came forward and lowered himself to the ground, not quite opposite her, but still where he could study her face without turning his head, as if he couldn’t commit to their proximity. “I think our perception of it grows stronger. We’re more expectant of its coming.” 

“Or maybe we are accepting it more fully?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Hmm.” 

“If anything, I think you’d be hiding from me.” 

She smirked, her gaze dropping to the fire, more coals now than flame. “Why?” 

“Because I’m against your... plan.” 

“You think that I’d be afraid that you would stop me.” 

“...Yes.” 

“When have you ever stopped me from doing anything, Solo?” 

He let out a pained chuckle. “You act like it’s a joke.” 

She sighed, shifting to cross her legs. “I don’t understand why you are so opposed to a balanced perspective.” 

“You’re close to it, aren’t you?” 

“I haven’t found anything yet.” 

“I’m too late, then.” He ran anxious hands through his hair. “Kriff, Rey, why are you doing this to me?” 

She glared, inching onto her knees and leaning forward. “What. What am I doing?” 

He tipped towards her, hand stretched out as if pointing to the past. “You’ve done this before. You leave without explaining. Like that night. You didn’t explain what was wrong –” 

“ _ You _ make assumptions.” 

“How can I not? You tell me you’re seeking Vader –” 

“To convince you that the Dark Side is not what we’ve been led to believe –” 

“– and you’re hiding your location –” 

“– but you are still  _ so  _ stuck in the past –” 

“– and there is a  _ massive _ bounty on your head –” 

“– that you won’t even give up my old name!” 

“– and I don’t want to lose you!” 

They were standing, facing off over the fire, breathing the smoky air in hot panting breaths. After a moment, a smile crept onto her face. “Worried about losing me?” 

He pulled back. “Is that what this is about? Your name?” 

Her smile faded. “No. It’s about what that name means to you. That you’re still holding on. Or rather, holding out for what we used to be. It can’t be like that, Ben.” 

“So you’ve told me.” 

“I can’t believe you’re this willfully ignorant.” 

“The Dark Side is all-consuming, Rey, you know this. That much passion, that much anger, hate, fear – it hollows your heart and mind and fills them up to the exclusion of everything else. I know that’s not what you want.” 

“Ah, yes, because you’ve proven to be such an expert about what I want.” 

“Rey. Kira.” Ben choked a little, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. He took her hand and she jerked involuntarily before stilling. “What I said was wrong. I said you left, but that’s wrong. I left  _ you,  _ alright? I made a mistake, I made assumptions. But this was true then, and I think it’s true now: you’re afraid. You’re afraid of being alone. Of being left behind. Of not having a choice, when they walk away.” Slowly, he lowered himself onto his knees, his wide, strong fingers pinning her hand and wrist in place with the gentlest of holds. “Please, I don’t want to make that mistake again. Don’t let me make that mistake again. Tell me where you are.” 

His face was almost invisible, the embers failing to illuminate his features. His eyes were black with just a dim spark reflected in wide pupils. 

“Endor,” Kira said. “The forest moon of Endor.” 

~---~

“This is great!” Poe exclaimed. 

“No, Dameron. It’s not. It’s the exact opposite. She’s going to find Vader and she has a head start and I can’t stop her.” Ben paced the jungle clearing and ran harried fingers through his hair. 

“I’d take this for the win that it is,” he observed. “You know where she’s going now. Sure, she has a head start, but we have the  _ Falcon _ , and I’m a pretty great pilot –” 

“ _ I  _ am a great pilot, Dameron.” 

“– and we’ll meet her there and then... I don’t know. Do something.” 

“She said that I couldn’t stop her.” 

“Who said what?” 

Poe and Ben whirled. Finn stood at the edge of the clearing, swatting a cloud of the omnipresent native bloodsuckers. 

_ Oh, kriff _ , Poe thought. “Who said who said what?” he blustered. 

“Ben said she said that he couldn’t stop her.” He found a large rock-like fungus and sat. “Even though that definitely applies to Rose, I think that’s not who we’re talking about here.” 

“Welcome back,” Ben said in a strained voice. “How did your mission go?” 

“Icy and kriffing cold, but successful.” He glanced between them. “Is this confidential, or is it something else?” 

Poe and Ben shared a glance. “It’s your call, Ben,” he said. 

Running a hand through his hair, Ben slumped against a tree trunk overrun with vines. “You should probably know.” 

Finn chuckled nervously. “To be honest, you’re both starting to freak me out a little bit.” 

“Hold that thought,” Poe muttered. 

Taking a deep breath, Ben shared the situation, or rather, his life for the past year. He left out the intimate details, staying clinical and factual. He didn’t tell about Poe and Silyana, except that she was on base, as that was Poe’s to share. 

“I’ve said this to Poe already, but I am sorry if this feels like a betrayal,” he concluded. “I haven’t been sure how to deal.” 

“How would she react to this? I mean, you telling us about this bond?” 

That was not the question that had first popped into Poe’s head when Ben had spilled to him and Silyana. Then again, unintended side effects of contact with Darksiders probably never crossed Finn’s mind, but Poe was less and less inclined to envy Finn’s ignorance. Especially when his thoughts returned to a snarky, blonde Knight of Ren locked in the Resistance’s basement every other second. 

“She doesn’t know. Why do you ask?” Ben said. 

“Well, if we’re to believe Silyana Ren, she wasn’t aware of the bond either directly or indirectly from Kira, so seems like Kira is keeping it very close to the chest.” He gestured to Ben. “You didn’t tell us for a whole year, and I don’t blame you. That’s... it sounds intensely invasive.” 

Ben grunted. Poe would bet he didn’t think of it as invasive. Intimate, sure.

“And you’re really the only ally she has, that we’re aware of, right?” 

Ben nodded. 

“I’d keep it that way for now. Don’t tell anyone else if you can help it, and I say that appreciating your confidence in me. If you were worried that we would feel betrayed, I think she is the one who would have grounds to feel that way. Maybe not, but it does sound like there’s a lot of room for misunderstandings.” 

Staring off into the jungle canopy, Ben said, “That’s why I need to find her, so we can come to a true understanding.” 

Finn scuffed his boot along the ground. “And here I thought my life was complicated.” 

Meeting each other’s eyes, the men shared a brief chuckle and fell into silence. Leaves rustled as some unknown critter ran through the undergrowth. A bird called, shrieking dominance. 

“I’m surprised you’re looking at this so analytically,” Ben admitted. Poe nodded in agreement. 

Finn set elbows on knees and clasped his hands. “It’s been a weird couple days, and I was expecting much worse based on your expressions. Having a Knight of Ren on base is much more concerning to be honest. This bond almost seems like it could be a good thing, though it’d probably terrify me if I thought about it too much.” 

Patting him on the shoulder, Poe said, “Don’t worry, I freaked out enough for the both of us.” 

A slow grin broke over Ben’s face and he snorted. “You had a regular meltdown, Dameron.” 

“Okay, okay, I’m trying to be vulnerable here and you take advantage,” he grumbled. 

“But seriously, Kylo, what’s your plan with this?” Finn asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, do you have an objective? Remember when we first met and neither of us had plans... it turned out pretty terribly. I mean, we both lived, but you were captured and I botched the Starkiller Base mission to rescue you. We were both running away from something, but we weren’t going towards anything. It seems like you’re in the same situation.” 

“I’m not running away. I’m going to face this – I  _ am _ facing this.” 

“Yeah, no, I see that. But what’s your goal?” 

“I think what Finn’s saying is what are you going to do if you find her?” Poe said. 

“When.” 

Poe waved a hand. “Sure, when you find her.” 

“I’m going to talk to her. Come to an understanding.” 

“And?” 

Ben ran a hand through his hair, mumbling, “I don’t know.” 

“ _ And _ ?” 

“I don’t know,” he snarled. 

“I know, man. That’s okay. That’s why I’m asking, because I think unless you have a solid objective, this will blow up in your face, again. The First Order is a messed-up organization, but they always gave me an objective. Without it, I was lost. Sure, you can improvise or adjust your course when things come up, because they will, but if you have an outcome in mind, it’ll keep you on track.” 

“Damn, Finn,” Poe said. “When did you get so wise?” 

He quirked an eyebrow. “Maybe I’ve always been wise.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Glancing around, Finn said, “Hey, where’s Beebee-Ate? I haven’t seen him.” 

“Beebee-Ate? Oh, uh, he’s checking on the, um, prisoner.” 

“Ah. He’s just always under your feet; it seemed too quiet.” 

“Oh, yup. He’s around, don’t worry.” BB-8 was checking on Silyana, but it was more for Poe’s benefit. Though her presence was still a secret, her well-being concerned him and BB-8 was a willing emissary between them. Even though Finn would have to be Force-sensitive to guess his secret, Poe was dancing on hot coals with bare feet. He shot Ben an SOS with his eyes. 

Ben sighed and pondered aloud, “I don’t know, Finn. Anything I want is too vague, or unimportant, or irrelevant, or... selfish. I don’t see a realistic outcome that benefits the Resistance.” 

“Well,” Poe faltered, “it doesn’t have to be about the Resistance. You're more of a contractor, anyway, so you could just meet whatever terms you have with Leia or Kaydel and call it good.” 

Finn’s lips twitched in a smile. “Who are you and what have you done with Poe Dameron?” 

“Give it a rest, Finn.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve learned that life doesn’t begin and end with the Resistance.” 

“I can’t imagine life without all this.” Ben gestured skyward to the galaxy at large. 

“Says the guy who ran away from the Resistance for, what, four years?” 

“Shut up, Dameron.” 

“Too soon?” 

“Too soon,” Finn agreed. 

“I could use a distraction, though. Maybe a game of sabacc after dinner?” Poe suggested. 

“I’ve never played,” Finn said. 

“Ha, well, you’re going to have to learn fast if you want to play with Solo here. I’m sure he’s picked up a few tricks.” 

“It’s going to have to be on the  _ Falcon _ ,” __ Ben said. “I’m leaving for Endor as soon as I can get clearance.” 

“We’ve gotta talk to Silyana first. She’ll kill us if we don’t,” Poe insisted. 

Finn stiffened. “You sure that’s smart? She might try to do something.” 

“She won’t,” Ben growled. 

“Yeah, come with us. If there’s intel you need, she might have it,” Poe offered, immediately wishing he could smack himself on the forehead. 

Finn slapped hands on his thighs before standing. “Might as well. I’ve already met one ghost from my past today, what’s another?” 

“What?” 

“Top secret stuff.” Finn clapped Poe on the back. “Tell you about it later.” 

~---~

Hux had discovered that standing on the bridge, staring out the spotless transperisteel viewports with his back to the crew, was a great way to get a respite from the interminable list of tasks he had to attend to night and day. By standing before them, his policy of visibility was uncompromised. An illusion of accessibility through proximity, but they didn’t dare disturb the Supreme Leader’s reverie. 

Snoke had removed himself from their reach entirely. The throne room was lost in the  _ Supremacy  _ cataclysm and Hux never ordered a replacement built. Theatrics had no place in his rule. He could have them come to him, but he didn’t demand worship. He demanded obedience. And occasionally, a moment of peace and quiet. 

Damn if he didn’t need it after Silyana had slipped through his fingers once again. 

“Supreme Leader, sir!” 

His reflection drooped in resignation.  _ Chin up, _ he told it.  _ Maybe Stynnix has solved all your problems this time. _

“Is now an acceptable time for a report, Supreme Leader?” 

Facing the lieutenant, he raised an eyebrow. “Is the content sensitive, Lieutenant?” 

“I’ve reserved briefing room 4-667, sir.” 

Her efficiency soothed his sleep-deprived nerves. “After you, Lieutenant.” 

The Knight of Ren that was his shadow-of-the-day – not Tirian, thank the stars, but... Ymiré? That sounded right – slithered behind them. Stynnix hadn’t said anything about research, so he presumed this update was about the search for Kira, something the Knight could join them for. 

As Hux settled into a seat, Stynnix swept the room for listening devices – something she had initiated on her own. He tracked her progress around the small space, wondering when her paranoia had reached this point. Maybe the new project partner he’d assigned her in the Security Bureau had opened her eyes to just how fragile security was. Ymiré stepped aside when Stynnix inspected the floorboard by her boots, but otherwise had no reaction. 

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader, I had someone check prior to our arrival, but this intelligence is still so new and if the Resistance were to learn –” 

“Very reasonable, Lieutenant, assuming your news is as of great importance as you make it out to be. Although your lack of faith in the First Order’s loyalty is a bit disheartening.” 

“Apologies, Leader Hux.” 

The flush on Stynnix’s cheeks never failed to amuse him, although with his pale skin he shared the same weakness for visible emotion. “Is the room secure to your satisfaction?” 

“Yes, sir.” She returned to her datapad and searched for something before handing it to him. “This was from an hour ago.” 

It was a gritty, fractured image, but there was a darker blur against white that held a vague resemblance to a TIE fighter. 

“Care to explain what I’m looking at?” 

“It’s an orbital surveillance image taken over the planet Hoth. One of Kira Ren’s accounts was used to make a purchase somewhere on the planet’s only settlement. The Order’s financial division notified our intelligence immediately, of course, and we were able to communicate with an old Imperial-era satellite that hadn’t lost its functionality.” 

Maybe it was obvious, but he was too burned out to get his hopes up. “This isn’t an Imperial-era TIE fighter, is it?” 

“No, sir. The analysts have compiled the images and the ship’s structure is consistent with First Order design. And likely, any wreckage of older craft from the Battle of Hoth would be buried in the ice.” 

He stared the image. “It’ll be too late by the time we send a Destroyer there.” He looked up at Ymiré’s mask. “Won’t it?” 

“Kira is not foolish. She’ll have already realized her mistake in using a First Order credit chip, or she is trying to lead us off on a false trail.” 

Hux nodded. “Have a squad dispatched to canvas the settlement, confirm her visit.” 

“Yes, sir.” Stynnix made a note in her other datapad – of course she had two, like she had at least three commlinks attached under the collar of her starched uniform jacket. That flush was still on her cheeks; perhaps she was running a fever. He doubted she got enough sleep or time in the mess hall, but her zeal with every task allowed him to repress his worry. If she worked herself to the bone, at least he wouldn’t be alone. Although... 

“It’s about time you were promoted, Lieutenant.” 

That startled her. “Sir?” 

“Your contributions to the Order have gone unrecognized for too long.” Those contributions had gone unrecognized because her ‘research’ would have gotten her skewered on a lightsaber if the former Supreme Leader had found out, but that was irrelevant now. “I believe the rank of captain is more appropriate for your current duties.” 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” she murmured. Her smile was tight, but that determination in her eyes grew bright. She knew the game; the higher your rank, the more people wanted you to fail. Still, to maintain order, he should have validated the authority she’d exercised to obey his orders. He doubted many commanders appreciated a lieutenant bossing them around even if she was merely relaying his words. 

“I want hourly updates on the situation, Captain. Keep me apprised of any developments. If the scouts discover anything about her flight path, I will know immediately.” 

“Of course, Supreme Leader.” 

“Dismissed.” 

Saluting sharply, Stynnix made a hasty exit. The door snicked shut. 

“She’s going to vomit,” Ymiré observed. 

“If she didn’t, I might be more concerned that she wasn’t fit for the position. Fear is a natural response to great responsibility.” 

“True enough, Supreme Leader.” The mocking edge to her voice was faint enough it could be credited to the vocoder’s distortion. “This could be resolved much more efficiently if Tirian and I were allowed to participate.” 

Hux picked up the datapad Captain Stynnix had left and stared at the blurry image of the TIE. “I’ve already lost enough of you Knights to Tirian’s ill-advised ambushes. I intend to be more careful about how this game is played.” 

Curiosity brushed against his mind, but Snoke had taught him the basics of shielding through vicious discipline. The pressure vanished. 

“You are wise, Supreme Leader.” 

He wanted obedience, not worship. 

Standing, Hux swept out of the room. “That remains to be seen.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't want to declare an official chapter count, but right now I'm thinking this story will be about 20-ish chapters? Anyway, let me know what you think! Leave a comment and kudos :)
> 
> Next update October 25 CDT
> 
> (Also, October 24 is the reveal of the 2020 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology. I've contributed a piece, so be sure to check out the collection when it opens!)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give a round of applause for my wonderful beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Conversations like this made Ben want to curl up in a ball and die. 

The smell of rich earth permeated their lungs as he, Poe, and Finn approached the base’s underground storage bunker, where they found Kaydel and Leia quietly conversing at the top of the stairs. 

“Where are the three of you going?” Kaydel asked as if she couldn’t tell by their guilty expressions. 

Poe cleared his throat. “We wanted to talk with Silyana. The prisoner, I mean.” 

Ben rolled his eyes. 

“Were you going to run this by me first?” 

“Um...” 

Kaydel sighed and looked over at the General. 

Leia suppressed a smile. “Poe, I realize you have had some freedom with this situation, but this is an official Resistance operation and you need to follow procedure.” 

“Of course, Commander. I’m sorry.” 

“To be fair, we were going to come to you immediately after this,” Ben said. “It’s regarding Kira Ren. I’ve - I’ve determined her heading.” 

“You’re certain?” Leia asked. 

“Yes.” 

“I thought the plan was for you and Silyana Ren to come up with a list of possibilities that we could analyze.” Kaydel narrowed her eyes. 

“It's confirmed. She’s headed to the Endor system.” 

“Endor?” Leia exclaimed. “Why?” 

He gritted his teeth. “Vader.” 

“Ah.” Leia’s lips turned down in a deep frown. 

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, and with a tone of barely restrained ire, Kaydel asked, “How did you get confirmation?” 

Heat rose up his neck and his mouth opened but words didn’t come. 

“You should probably tell them,” Poe muttered. Ben shot him a silencing glare that was ignored. “It sucks, man, but we’ve got enough secrets as it is. It’ll be easier if they know.” 

What would Leia think? She’d dedicated herself to the Resistance; could their healing relationship weather this reveal? Ben steeled himself.

“I... spoke with her. With Kira.” 

“You established contact? How?” A suspicious divot formed between Kaydel’s brows, the hand by her blaster twitching. 

Muscles in his shoulders bunched and released as his instincts wrestled to silence his voice. The reaction was irrational: he hadn’t chosen the bond, but neither had it compromised his integrity or the Resistance. Inevitably, he was letting them down somehow, but Leia held Ben’s gaze and gave him a small nod. “I’ve been in contact with her since the  _ Supremacy _ .” 

Silence strained the damp, cool air. The weight of everyone’s gaze burned like lasers.

After a minute, Poe raised hands in placation and said, “It’s not as bad as it sounds.” 

“How bad is it supposed to sound?” Finn gaped with disbelief, wide eyes darting back and forth between them. 

“You should probably explain more, son.” Leia’s tone reminded him acutely of his childhood, the reserved quiet before the storm. 

He licked his lips. Having shared with Poe and Silyana made this time marginally easier, if only he muscled through the incredible intimacy of the revelation. “Through the Force, I share a bond with Kira. I’ve deduced that this bond has been between us for a while, but the physical manifestations are relatively new. We’re unable to control the manifestations, but it doesn’t extend beyond ourselves. Our location and surroundings are concealed when we appear to each other.” 

“That’s...” Kaydel trailed off to a whisper. “Not possible. “Is it?” 

“Oh, it’s possible.” Leia nodded and pursed her lips in thought.

Kaydel turned to Poe, a hint of anger in her words, “You knew about this?” 

“Only for a few days.” 

Kaydel raised an eyebrow. “Does this mean that Silyana knows about the bond too?” 

“Yes, I told them at the same time.” 

“I take it then that the audio records from her cell have been tampered with? I should have been notified if the transcripts included this.” 

Poe and Ben glanced at each other. “That wasn’t us.” 

“Then how did that conversation disappear? Everything in that cell is recorded and reviewed.” 

Anxiety clenched around his heart. He could be grateful no one had seen, but they may be less likely to trust him. “It was Silyana, most likely.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Leia tsked. “The Force has many applications.” 

“Kriff,” Kaydel exclaimed, putting a hand over her eyes. “Sorry, General. I’m just having trouble keeping up with all this.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Commander. This is a lot of new information,” Leia said, ever the steady ship in a meteor shower. 

Ben opened his mouth to build a defense, to try to explain, “I –” but Leia shut him up with a sharp shake of her head. 

Kaydel exhaled slowly and lowered her hand. “We need to move on this information immediately, and we need to keep this close. Dameron, I want you on this with Solo.” 

“Yes, Commander.” 

“We’re going to go talk to Silyana,  _ all of us _ , so that we’re on the same page. Finn, I want you there too, since apparently nothing is a secret between you three.” They had the good sense to be abashed. “Anyway, I know you have questions regarding your project, so you can ask them now.” 

Finn nodded. “Alright.” 

Kaydel straightened her shoulders. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.” 

“I’d like a moment with my son. He’ll meet you down there.” 

“Yes, General.” 

The others clattered away down the stairs, the sound of the conversation fading with their footsteps. 

“Ben.” 

He flinched, ready for chastisement. 

“It’s true, isn’t it?” 

A pang stabbed through his chest when he met her soft brown eyes, the same color as his own. “I’m sorry, Mom. I should’ve told you, but I didn’t know how. I’ve lied to you, betrayed the Resistance, I’ve failed you, Mom, I’m so sorry –” 

“ _ Ben _ .” She stood on tiptoe to cup his chin in her hand. “I’m not angry. I’m not upset. Startled, maybe.” 

The warmth from her small palm made him shudder. 

“You are strong, son. I’ve only seen that strength once before, in Rey. That you were bound seems inevitable in many ways. I could see it, but I never guessed the depth it would reach. 

“It doesn’t – it doesn’t feel like a gift.” The memory of Kira’s accusatory words rang clear – that he didn’t want this, that it was a burden, that he wanted to be free of her – echoing against his guilt. 

“I wouldn’t consider it a gift either. I’ve been given many things in life, many duties and responsibilities that I didn’t want, at least not at first. But you’ve been granted an opportunity. A chance to make a difference, a chance with someone who could know you like no one else can. Even your poor old mother.” 

His lips trembled, then his whole face crumpled. He bent down and buried it in the crook of her neck before the sobs building in his chest could break free. 

“Oh, son.” Her arms wrapped around him, holding fast. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t share this with me.” 

Words were muffled against her shoulder. “But the Resistance –” 

“This is bigger than the Resistance. These things come and go. The Republic, the Senate, the Rebellion, the Empire, they have their time and place. They’re not forever. They’re created by people, simple people like us who make mistakes and get old and die. I’ve tried to use the opportunities I’ve been given to do what’s best for the galaxy and for the people I care about. But you, Ben, you are more important to me than that. I know I never acted like it and I failed you, just as I failed Rey and your father and your uncle. I can’t lose you, too.” Her voice choked on tears. “And I want to believe that we haven’t lost Rey either. You’ve given me so much hope today.” 

He sucked in a sob through gritted teeth, hands crumpling the back of her uniform as she stroked his spine. 

“I believe you could balance each other, if you can come to an understanding. This conflict has been going on for three generations, but you and Rey could end it. Not overnight, but I could see this starting something new.” She pulled away and brushed tears from his cheeks. “It won’t be easy, and I don’t want to ask that of you, but if you want to – I think you can have it.” 

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I want it.” 

“You do know, son. You haven’t let the past hold you back. But don’t let the present situation trap you. I make mistakes too, but if I let the possibility of those mistakes paralyze me, I’d never do anything. You can’t be afraid to reach for it. I know you, Ben Solo. You have the tenacity to push forward. Your father was the same way. Always finding a way out when it seemed impossible.” 

He gr oaned. How could  he fo rget? “She killed Dad. After everything she did – I forgave her, but I don’t want you to feel like you need to forgive her too because of this bond.” 

“I know.” Leia sighed. “There are so many things I wish could be different. But do you know what? Your father knew what he was getting into. He wanted her to come home, and I refuse to let his death be meaningless.” Her hands wandered, straightening and dusting off his jacket. “It can’t be meaningless. Not after everything we survived. But he loved her. Loved her in his own way, like she was his daughter. If there’s a chance we could have her back, even in the smallest way, I want that.” 

He caught her hands and pressed them to his chest. “I promise, Mother. I’ll bring her back.” 

“No, no, no. No promises that aren’t yours to make. Just tell me you’ll be safe, you’ll be smart, and you’ll be wise.” 

A firm nod. “I will.” 

She smiled, the glimmer of tears clinging to her lashes. “You do realize you tried to promise your mother to bring  _ the Kira Ren _ back home to make her happy, don’t you?” 

“I suppose so.” 

She patted his cheek. “Nice to know my son loves me.” 

A cough cleared his throat. “I’m going to catch up with them. Dameron’s probably impatient to talk to Silyana.” 

“He told you?” 

“He did.” 

“And?” 

“They’re going to be the death of each other.” 

She chuckled and shook her head. “Maybe it’ll be good for them.” 

“Maybe.” He stepped forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ve got to go.” 

“Be wise.” 

~---~

Inactivity was the enemy of Finn’s peace of mind, so he focused on the others rather than the antsy feeling in his gut. Waiting for Kylo to rejoin them, they stood in an awkward huddle next to the container that held Silyana. Kaydel’s arms were crossed, jaw tight, as she regularly checked the chrono on her wrist. She had enough stress as commander of the Resistance’s intelligence branch without being blindsided with a major security breach. Not to mention having a high priority asset in the form of a Knight of Ren crash unexpectedly on base. In a twisted way, the level of her distress eclipsed his own. 

“Do you think Leia’s ripping Ben a new one?” Poe whispered to him. 

Finn shrugged. “Likely not. She’s more used to the Force side of things than we are.” 

“You don’t think she’s mad?” 

“Were you?”

Poe flushed. “No.”

“Anyway, I think she’s the type to be disappointed, not angry.” 

“She gets angry.” 

Finn half-smiled. “I think she reserves her wrath for you.” 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, she’s a lot more patient than she should be.” 

Kaydel shuffled her feet. “Where is he? I have reports to get through and I’d really like to eat dinner tonight –” 

“I’m here.” Kylo emerged from the shadows. “I apologize, Connix. That took longer than expected.” 

Finn squinted. Kylo’s voice was a little scratchy. 

“Let’s go then,” Kaydel said and buzzed the intercomm. “Hands on the table.” 

The speaker whined with feedback.  _ “I appreciate you including me in your pea-brained discussions, but it would be nice if you’d give me a bit of warning before you barge in.” _

“Ren, hands on the table,” Kaydel ordered, exasperated. 

_ “Cool your engines. At least kriffing wait till I’m decent.” _

They stared at each other awkwardly as a few more expletives crackled from the intercomm. 

_ “Alright, hands are on the table.” _

The door buzzed and the four of them trooped inside. 

Silyana Ren sprawled in a chair at a metal top table, unmasked and restrained by the bracelets on her wrists. Theoretical recognition that the Knight was on base was easy enough for Finn to reconcile, but seeing her in the flesh was a jolt. Maybe her casual appearance was more of a shock than her presence. Conversely, neither Kaydel, Kylo, and Poe were as calm, which made the situation more surreal. 

Her jacket was half-zipped and strands of hair straggled from a bun at the back of her neck. Finn glanced around. The cell didn’t have a shower, or a mirror, or a towel, but there was a large puddle under the sink and the ends of her hair and her collar were damp. The idea of her washing up in the sink like a normal person, making the best of the resources available, was too human. 

“You’re wet,” Poe exclaimed, looking her over. “Why are you wet?” The chair creaked as she sagged further. 

“I was attempting this thing called personal hygiene, Dameron. Is that not allowed?” She scanned each of them and her eyebrow quirked when she met Finn’s eyes. 

“Leave Dameron alone,” Ben sighed. “We need your input about finding Rey.” 

“It couldn’t wait until I put my boots on?” She lifted a bare foot under the table and wiggled her toes. Finn shifted his weight. She was entirely too nonchalant. 

“I thought I understood finding Kira Ren was a priority for you,” Kaydel said. 

“It is. Fine, I’ll cut the banter. What did you find out?” 

“She’s going to Endor,” Ben said. 

She lifted her hands in a  _ So? _ gesture. “Okay.” 

He cleared his throat. “Skywalker would tell us about how after he defeated Emperor Palpatine, he took Vader’s body and burned it on a pyre in the forests of Endor’s moon. Kira would know this, and by going to his final resting place, perhaps to find a remnant of Vader himself...” 

“Seems plausible.” She considered. “More than, actually.” 

“Has she ever talked about Endor?” Connix stepped forward. “Shown any interest in it at all?” 

“Have you ever been?” 

“No.” Connix’s brow wrinkled. 

“Me neither. And that’s because it’s one of the most boring planets in the galaxy.” 

“As we’ve just mentioned, it was the site of a momentous, historic battle and Darth Vader’s resting place, so I’d disagree. It’s not ‘boring,’” Ben interjected. “It’s actually rather significant.” 

A malicious grin crept onto her face. “You dangle the historical bait, and the nerd emerges.” 

“Could you take one damn thing seriously?” he growled. 

“What makes you think I’m not?” She crossed her ankles, scrunching her toes again. Poe put a hand on Ben’s chest to prevent him from advancing. “As I was saying before I was sidetracked, no. She hasn’t expressed any interest in the Endor system. Largely because it’s boring to everyone except nerds like him. And he’s the reason she’s going.” 

A parade of emotions crossed Ben’s face. No one spoke. 

“Anyway, you all didn’t need my input to confirm what Ben already knew. So, why’d you come?” 

“It’s part of the deal,” Connix said. “You give us information, we find Kira Ren.” 

“So you’re saying it’s time to start paying up.” 

“That was the understanding.” 

Silyana narrowed her glacial blue eyes and scanned them again, fixing on Finn. He stepped back unconsciously. 

“Tell me, what do you want to know?” she asked. 

_ How the kriff? _ Finn glanced at Connix. She pressed her lips together and nodded. Clearing his throat, he said, “What has Hux done with Phasma’s position? And what was the extent of her duties? He hasn’t replaced her, we know that much.” 

“You’re Finn, aren’t you?” 

His eyebrows flew up in surprise. “How did you know?” 

“You’re the traitor. Everyone knows who you are. The targets in the practice ranges have your face on them.” A shark-like smirk lifted her lips. “You almost gave Hux an aneurysm on multiple occasions, which also makes you a personal hero of mine.” 

His jaw tightened. “I can’t say it’s mutual.” 

“ _ Hero _ isn’t something I aspire to.” 

“Silyana,” Poe murmured. 

She acquiesced with a slight eye roll. “Hux hasn’t replaced Phasma, or redistributed her duties. At least, not before he became Supreme Leader. It’s his personal project, even more so than Starkiller was, so he wasn’t going to hand that over to just anyone. He wouldn’t be able to keep that up as Supreme Leader, though, not without something falling through the cracks. Which is ideal if you want to plan a revolt.” 

Silence. Water dripped from the faucet.

“What, was I not supposed to know that?” 

“You actually don’t know that,” Connix said firmly. “You’ve simply made a guess to try to leverage the situation.” 

“Force, you’re no fun.” Silyana sighed. “Fine, I inferred it. Finn has a terrible sabacc face, by the way. But if this  _ alliance _ is going to work, I expect the flow of information to be a two-way street. I want honesty, Commander. If you don’t tell me what you’re doing, how am I supposed to know what intel you’re after?” 

“I’m sure we’ll figure out a way. You’ll get updates on our search for Kira Ren, and that’s the extent of the information you can expect.” 

“You seem to believe you hold the power. Let me remind you that you most definitely do  _ not _ .” Her eyes glinted. “I’m going with Ben to the Endor system.” 

“That is out of the question.” 

“Which part? The honesty, or that I’m going to the Endor system?” 

“You’re not coming,” Ben interjected. 

“Like hell I’m not,” she retorted. “You’re not going to charge off by yourself and bring her back.  _ If _ that’s what you were planning on doing at all.” 

“She wouldn’t trust you,” he said. 

Her nostrils flared. “Because she trusts you completely, is that right? And if things go sideways – which with your history, they’re almost guaranteed to – you're going to lose her. At the very least, you need backup. Unless Commander Connix here has some latent Force sensitivity, I’m your best option.” 

“She’s right,” Poe said. “You can’t go in there alone.” 

“Not to mention we don’t know what Hux knows,” Finn said. “If the First Order shows up while you’re trying to reach her, you shouldn’t be by yourself.” 

Silyana nodded. “The traitor makes an excellent point.” 

“Please don’t call me that.” 

“Sorry. I meant it as a compliment.” 

Poe sighed. Finn pressed his temples in. 

“We’ll have more time to discuss Hux’s twisted psyche on the trip,” Silyana offered with a conspiratorial smile, as if this were a treat to anticipate. 

“What do you mean?” Finn said. 

“Oh, did I mention you and Poe are coming, too?” 

“The excursion to Endor is not your mission to plan,” Kaydel said. 

“ _ Like hell _ it isn’t.” 

“It’s not,” Ben interjected. “I’m not bringing the entire Resistance to Endor.” 

“Learn to count, Ben. It’s four of us. Me, you, Poe, and Finn. I think the commander would appreciate more hands in case I, you know, decide to go rogue.” 

Kaydel narrowed her eyes. “I’ll need confirmation that that won’t happen. Otherwise this is a no-go.” 

“Not to be obnoxiously belligerent, but you do realize that Ben and I could walk off this base at any point and nobody would be able to stop us?” 

“Which is precisely why I won’t be sending two of my men with you if you’re going to endanger them.” 

Silyana leaned forward, ominously severe. “The danger here is Kira, not me.” 

Ben winced. Some distant part of Finn’s mind started screaming what a terrible idea this was. 

She continued, ignoring the unease in the room. “Poe and Finn are the least likely Resistance members to get killed. She knows Ben, she knows Poe, and she let Finn live already once. She’s sentimental like that.” 

“How do you know about that?” Finn demanded. 

Silyana grinned. “The Knights talk.” 

“This is a lot of conjecture,” Kaydel said. 

“It’s what I’m here for, at least partially, right? I know her better than anyone.” She glanced at Ben. “Debatably.” 

“So far you haven’t given us anything to validate that claim. Ben’s sourced our intel.” 

"What would make you happy? I can sign something, swear an oath, whatever. It’s the same as my word.” 

Kaydel stepped to the table and met Silyana’s gaze. “We want the same things. We’re more likely to get those things if we work together. That’s why you’re here. Or am I wrong?” 

“Oddly enough, you’re not.” 

Kaydel nodded once. “Great. This is a Resistance-sanctioned mission, and you’ll adhere to the parameters I set out. “ 

“Within reason, sure.” 

“I’m going to draft a contractual agreement for you,” she turned to Kylo, “and for you. That way there’s no  _ misunderstanding.” _

“You got it.” 

Kaydel glanced around at the group. “You’ll leave tomorrow at o-nine-hundred hours. Pack what you need tonight. Will you be taking the  _ Falcon _ ?” 

“I’ll talk to Chewie, but it should be fine,” Kylo said. 

“Alright. Endor is neutral territory. We will keep communication open and I expect regular check-ins. If you make contact with Kira Ren, I’ll relay a nearby secure location where you can wait until we determine the best course going forward.” 

“Sounds great, Commander,” Poe said. 

“Don’t patronize me.” Kaydel turned on her heel and marched to the door. When it buzzed open, she was gone. 

“See you all tomorrow,” Silyana called as the rest filed out. 

The door clanged shut behind them and Connix let loose an exaggerated sigh.

“You alright, Finn?” Poe asked. 

He clenched his fists to stop the shaking. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” 

Kylo clapped him on the shoulder and left to find Chewbacca with a mumbled good night. 

“Finn,” Kaydel said, “you don’t have to go. It’s a request, not an order. I can find someone else although I would prefer to keep the number of people who know about this situation minimal.” 

“I’ll do it.” 

“Are you sure?” 

He nodded. “Endor might not be First Order territory, but I can still help.” 

“You’re doing good work here, Finn. I don’t want to take you from that.” 

“We’ve got Archex now. He and Rose can handle it while I’m gone.” 

Kaydel looked him up and down, as if she didn’t quite believe he was up for it. “Alright. If you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure.” 

“I’ll contact you later, then. I’ve got a lot to do.” With a wave, she headed off to the nearest staircase. 

“Poe, I swear if you ask me if I’m sure, I’ll just go for spite.” 

The other man laughed. “I’m glad you’re going, so I won’t ask. I’m more curious why you want to go.” 

“I don’t know. What Silyana said was true. Kira Ren could have killed me once, but instead I escaped the First Order. It’s almost like that started the whole thing, and this might be bringing it full circle. I escape the First Order, she escapes the First Order. Is that weird?” 

“Nah. I’ve stopped judging things on if they’re weird or not – if you look at anything too closely it gets weird.” 

“I guess that’s fair. I mean, Ben and Kira? I don’t know how he expects that to work out.” 

Poe chuckled nervously. “I don’t know either. It’s crazy, right?” 

“Maybe you’re right. Everything’s weird if you look too closely.” 

“Right you are.” 

“Well, I’ve gotta find Rose, let her know what’s going on.” 

“Alright, man, just get some sleep. It’s gonna be a crazy trip.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think by leaving kudos and a comment! Next update November 8 CDT


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks goes to my amazing beta, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The comms center was dark except for a dim blue glow. Rose sat on a low stool next to BB-8, who projected a holovid. The image of the woman turned towards her and frowned, speaking to someone out of frame. Rose was fixated, taking in every grainy detail of the woman’s face. 

At the sound of footsteps, the hologram flickered away and Rose looked up, blinking the afterimage from her retinas. BB-8 beeped a cheery greeting at Finn, who was fumbling through the darkness towards them. 

“Hey, Beebee. Hey, Rose.” 

“Hey,” she said.

“You get Archex squared away?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Thanks for doing that.” 

“No problem. He seems like a good guy.” 

Finn sat in the chair at her workstation, setting an elbow on the documents stacked on the desk, and sighed. “If I have any good memories of the First Order, it probably involved Cardinal. He cared about his cadets as people, not just resources.” 

She nodded. “I can tell. His help with reaching the stormtroopers could be what wins us this thing.” 

“It could be.” Finn paused. “Was that Paige? In the vid?” 

She crossed her arms and pressed them into her stomach. “Yeah. Beebee-Ate has a few recordings of conversations he thought might be important... I like watching them.” 

“He records stuff?” He nudged the droid with his knee. “Hey, what else are you recording without consent?” 

BB-8 whistled and bleeped. Finn’s jaw dropped. 

“Wow, rude, Beebee. I think you’ve been spending too much time with Artoo in Command.” 

Jerking his head aggressively, BB-8 chirped a threat. 

He held up hands in surrender. “I’ll be sure not to get on your bad side.” 

“Your Binary must be getting better,” Rose observed. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to be in a spot where understanding Binary is what’s standing between me and death.” 

“Smart.” 

“I thought so.” 

“Finn?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you ever think I’m not going to miss her?” 

He relaxed into the seat, knees wide. “Is that what you want?” 

“Not really.” Her hands twisted in her lap. “I just want to stop expecting her to be there when I wake up, or thinking I should save her some of the dessert in the mess hall, or remembering a joke that she told me that doesn’t make sense to anyone else. It hurts, and I just want it to stop.” 

He sighed, rubbing his temple. “I don’t think you should forget her.” 

“I don’t want to forget her – I just want to think about her without feeling so much pain and guilt.” 

“Guilt?” 

“It should have been me,” she mumbled. 

“What should have been you?” 

“I should have been the one who died.” 

BB-8 wobbled closer, letting out a whine. 

“You can’t say that, Rose.” 

“Why not?” She yanked off the necklace and cupped the pendant in her palm. “She was the only one of us who didn’t want to go, and I  _ made  _ her go.” 

“Nobody made her go.” 

“Convinced her, then. It doesn’t matter. If I had died, maybe she’d be here instead.” 

“Maybe. Maybe not.” 

“It’s all I can think about.” She squeezed the pendant hard, the edges digging into her skin. 

“Can I?” Finn extended a hand and Rose hesitated before giving the necklace over. “It’s very beautiful.” 

“Paige had one just like it.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” He inspected the etchings on the pendant before handing it back. “I don’t know if I can relate to what you’re dealing with. I never had family, and the closest thing I had was my squadmates. Most of them are dead, but even then, they trained us to expect their deaths at any time and to keep going like it was nothing, just another variable in the mission.” He rubbed his forehead and met her eyes. “When Slip died, really died, right in front of me, it changed everything. I knew he would die first, but still, everything changed.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Finn shook his head. “I’m not trying to make this about me, even though I kind of just did. I just – I can’t imagine what that was like for you. It hurt me when she died, and I’d only known Paige for a little bit." 

“I never imagined life without her.” Rose wove her fingers together and rocked back on the stool. “Now I’m living it every day.” 

BB-8 warbled. 

“Gotta agree with Beebee. We’re here for you, Rose. You’re not alone. Your friends are here for you.” 

“I don’t know if it’s enough.” 

“Someday it will be.” 

“I hope so,” she whispered. BB-8 whined and Rose rubbed his dome. “How’s Poe?” 

“I was going to talk to you about that.” 

She lifted her eyebrows. 

“There’s a mission, and they’re leaving tomorrow. Not sure how long. And - and I’m going to go along.” 

“Is this Poe’s idea?” 

“No, no, actually, it’s not. It’s more Ben’s, but Leia and Kaydel signed off on it.” 

“Why are they sending you? We just got Archex. There’s a lot that needs doing on the stormtrooper outreach.” 

“I know. I don’t really like it either, but they’re trying to keep the details secret and I was already involved.” 

“Involved?” 

BB-8 swiveled his head towards Finn and bleeped. 

“I’m not going to say anything, Beebee. Just... it may get us intel that’ll help with the project.” 

“I still don’t like it.” 

“I know.” 

“I swear, Finn, if you die –” 

“We’re being smarter this time, and I can tell you we’re not infiltrating First Order territory.” 

She stood and went to the workstation. Stacks of paper rustled as she shifted them. “There are lots of other ways to die.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fine, just, don’t be stupid. You can promise me that much.” 

“Of course. I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do.” 

“Don’t do anything Paige wouldn’t do.” 

“Right.” 

When Finn left, Rose stared at the pendant in her hand. Her finger traced the intricate design engraved into the surface. 

“Hey, Beebee?” 

The droid peered around a corner. 

“Could you show me the vid again?” 

~---~

The next day came too quickly. 

Even though they were leaving late morning, Poe was up before dawn preparing for the mission. Chewbacca agreed to take them on the  _ Falcon, _ which saved the trouble of requisitioning a Resistance transport. After the supplies were stowed, he and Kaydel escorted Silyana from the container to the ship. 

“Kriff, it’s bright,” Silyana hissed when they emerged from underground. 

“That’s because it’s daytime. Did you have a late night?” Poe teased in an undertone. 

“Switch off,” she snapped. “It’s too early for flirting.” 

That shut him up quickly. Kaydel didn’t comment, likely attributing it to Silyana’s typical banter. At least, that’s what Poe hoped. 

The rest of the walk was silent. Kaydel left them at the landing field with a distracted farewell and sympathy twinged behind Poe’s sternum. Kaydel had too much on her plate, and their mission was not the biggest priority even if it involved potentially rendezvousing with the Kira Ren.

On board the  _ Falcon,  _ Chewbacca met them at the top of the ramp with arms crossed. Silyana halted mid stride and Poe almost crashed into her back. 

Chewie growled, raising hair on the back of Poe’s neck. 

“I won’t,” she said. “I swear on my life. I just want her back.”

With a huff, Chewbacca turned and disappeared into the ship. 

“That was surprisingly nonviolent,” Poe whispered. 

“You don’t want to piss off a Wookiee. Give them what they want, because they can tear your arms off.” 

“But the Force –” 

“Poe, the Force is not a pass on real life.” Silyana climbed the ramp. “I’m going to be travelling on his ship. If he wants to throw me out the airlock, he could.” 

Silyana didn’t have belongings to stow except what the Resistance had supplied: a few changes of clothes, bathroom supplies, bedding. They returned to the  _ Falcon’s _ lounge. There wasn’t anything to do; he was supposed to bring back Silyana, and Ben and Finn were getting their personal belongings from the bunkroom before takeoff. Silyana slouched in the seat by the dejarik board, somehow making slumping onto a bench effortless and sexy. Trying to be casual, Poe joined her. 

“So, have you told Finn about us?” she asked. 

“No, he doesn’t know.” 

“Well, that's unfortunate. We’ll have to be quiet if we get a second alone.” 

Poe groaned. “We’re on a mission! We can’t be sneaking off to have sex. And I thought Kira was your priority, not –” 

“–getting laid? Well, while you and your friends were running around figuring out what to do, I had plenty of time in that glorified cell to be horny.” 

Poe’s hand clapped over her mouth. “Kriff, woman. I thought it was too early for flirting.” 

She raised an eyebrow, eyes moving obviously toward his hand. He pulled back, but she followed, leaning into him. The side of their legs pressed together.

“It’s not too early for propositioning.” 

Poe rested an arm on the back of the seat, knees spread wide, and gave her a smirk. “You forget what I told you, Silyana. This thing between us is mutual. And lucky for you, I’ve decided I’m interested in continuing.”

“Oh, really? You’ve decided?”

He nodded seriously. “I have.”

“Mhm.” She placed a palm on his chest and slid it upward to curl around his neck. His eyes flicked to her lips. “And what changed your mind?”

“I talked to Ben.”

“That’s a real mood killer.” Shifting half onto his lap, she twisted fingers in his hair. “Lucky for you, I’m interested anyway.”

His hands clasped her waist as her mouth descended. Stifling a groan, his lips parted automatically, remembering the rhythm of give and take they’d discovered that night on Cantonica. He pulled her to straddle him, one hand tracing up her spine while the other descended to grip her ass. It wasn’t comfortable, crammed between the seat and the dejarik table, but the growing heat between them overrode all other concerns. She tugged his head back with a fistful of curls, arching over him and grinding down firmly with a twist of her hips. Breaking away, her lips latched onto his neck below the ear. He almost whined, taken off guard by how quickly this had escalated, but his heart raced with excitement.

“Poe! Could you come out here?” Finn shouted, his voice echoing through the ship.

“Kriff.” Returning hands to her hips, he gently pushed her back. “I’ve gotta see what he wants.”

Her blue eyes glinted and she cupped his chin, pressing a thumb over bruised lips. “Let him come find you.”

“He’ll think you’re attacking me.”

“He wouldn’t be wrong.” 

He set her on the seat and stood. “I’ll be back.”

“Yeah, with company,” she grouched.

“So?” He leaned over her and kissed her roughly. “You didn’t seem to care if they saw.” He headed towards the boarding ramp, checking himself so he didn’t look otherwise… distracted.

“Kriff you, Poe! Come back here and finish this!” she shouted after him. He waved a hand without looking back. Chewie, working on a mess of wires behind a panel, gave him a reproachful glare and warbled something under his breath as he passed. Poe continued blithely down the ramp, refusing to be shamed.

He was surprised that Rose came to see them off. 

At the edge of the landing pad, Rose hunched into herself and looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Almost on tiptoe to make eye contact, she conversed with Ben and BB-8 trundled into the clearing beyond her. The droid wobbled towards Poe, beeping quietly to himself. Poe turned to Finn.

“What’s up?” he asked him.

Finn frowned. “You looked flushed. Was there a problem getting Silyana on board?”

“Nope. No problem.”

“Oh. Good.”

“She’s not going to cause trouble for no reason. She wants to find Kira just as much as we do. Probably more.”

“That’s not as comforting as you think, but I know what you meant,” Finn said with a lopsided smile.

“What did you need me for?”

“Rose said she wanted to see us off.”

“Us, as in -”

“All of us, Poe. Don’t be an ass,” he snapped. 

“What did I do?”

Running a hand over his hair, Finn shook his head. “Sorry. I just feel bad for leaving, and I can’t tell her what we’re doing.”

“She wouldn’t like it.”

“No.”

“It’s different this time, though. I’m not going to do anything to deliberately endanger us,” he defended.

“I know. But we could still die.”

“We could die here on base.”

“Yeah, don’t say that. That’s what an asshole would say.”

“Right. Got it.”

“You know your droid records conversations?” Finn tapped BB-8 with his boot and the droid bleeped indignantly.

“Oh, does he?”

“Mhm. I found out because he was with Rose last night. He’d saved some conversations with Paige in them.”

“Oh.” Poe frowned.

Across the clearing, Rose wrapped Ben in a hug and, after a brief hesitation, he leaned over and returned the embrace. She let go and approached Poe and Finn.

“Good luck,” she said. Traces of tears glimmered in her eyes. “Try your best to come back in one piece.”

“I will,” Finn replied. 

She turned and mirrored Poe’s somber look. “Take care of them, please?”

“I will,” he said. 

She nodded once. “Thank you.” BB-8 burbled at Poe’s feet. Rose let a small smile cross her face. “You, too, Beebee. Stay safe.”

BB-8 whistled in assurance.

“Actually,” Poe started, “if you want, Beebee could stay here. Help out with your project.”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“He’ll just be underfoot on the  _ Falcon _ .” 

BB-8 squawked. 

“Seriously, if you want him, he’s yours to use,” Poe continued unhindered.

She hesitated, shifting her weight with arms wrapped tight around her middle. “I guess, if you’re sure. We do have a lot to do.”

“Definitely. He’ll just take up space.”

“Alright. Okay. Come on, Beebee.”

BB-8 looked up at Poe with disbelief. “Go on,” he said. “Rose needs you. Make yourself useful.”

The droid rolled stiffly to Rose’s side and she turned to leave.

“Bye, buddy! Be good!” Poe called. BB-8 whipped his head around to stare at him, but didn’t stop following Rose.

“I think your droid is mad at you,” Finn said.

“Eh. He’ll get over it.” 

BB-8 stuck out a flaming welding implement in an unmistakable facsimile of a middle finger.

“Eventually,” Poe added.

Ben joined them. “Everything set?”

“Yes, Captain!” Poe said.

“I’m not captain. Just the pilot.”

“It was the sentiment, Solo. The supposedly infectious enthusiasm of the start of a harrowing mission against unknown odds.”

Ben looked at Finn. “What’s got Dameron all worked up?”

Finn shrugged. “Dunno.”

“I am allowed to be a little excited.”

“Save it for the afterparty.”

Poe followed the other two aboard the  _ Falcon _ , grumbling under his breath.

~---~

Kira prowled the forests of Endor’s moon. Her clothing stood out against the vibrant autumn foliage, but she clung to the shadows. The last thing she needed was an encounter with the native Ewoks, who did not take kindly to trespassers. Despite her attempt at covertness, the woods around her were still and silent, the fauna keen enough to sense the interloper.

The trees were massive on this part of the moon, the diameter of the trunks as wide as the TIE, or wider. Suppressing memories of the wroshyr forest on Alaris Prime, she waded through leaf piles and clambered over giant roots. Her senses were open to anticipate the approach of any sentients, but also to stay her heading towards the Dark echo.

She’d left early, at the crack of dawn. Sleep had been elusive and the anticipation did not help her rest. She packed enough supplies for a day - all her supplies, really - and set off into the trees with an aimless prayer that the TIE would remain untouched till her return.

Her breathing was shallow, thighs burning as she tramped over the abrupt ups and downs in the forest floor. Sweat beaded her skin, soaking through her rank clothing. Maybe, if she didn’t die soon, she could find somewhere to take a bath. 

The idea was startling. She’d been ready to die only days ago, but now she was contemplating hygiene. She had hope; from where, she didn’t know. Was it because Ben was coming, or was hope why she’d told him her location? It felt silly to think past the next step, the next breath. Losing sight of the present was what allowed Hux’s coup. Now was for finding Vader. 

Kira refocused. The source of the unnatural Darkness was closer, almost a tangible taste on the breeze or a shimmer in the air. On the periphery of her perception, sentient lifeforms - the Ewoks - clustered in their village. None were nearby and she relaxed fractionally, bending all her attention to the Dark.

It slumbered. Or perhaps it lingered, the inverse of a bright afterimage on the retina. It seemed safe to approach, nothing indicating an awareness of her presence. Sith artifacts and places were dangerous, often laden with traps and tests designed to weed out the unworthy. But Vader’s resting place wasn’t one of these, created for tradition and prestige. Luke hadn’t had ulterior motives for his father’s last resting place, but that didn’t mean that others hadn’t arisen.

Kira nearly walked past the pyre. When the Dark echo began to recede, she turned to scan the surroundings. Covered in dry moss and yellowed leaves and even a few bare saplings, the charred remnants had sunk to a nondescript, overgrown mound. Only on closer inspection did the black, burnt shards of charcoal become noticeable, a jumbled mess underneath the facade. 

The pyre had settled enough over years of rain and rot so Kira could walk on it without fear of a boot plunging through. She stepped gingerly, searching for whatever gave off Dark energy. When eyes were unable to discern it, she knelt and closed them to let her feelings take over.

_ There _ .

Her fingers tore at the soft earth. It wasn’t buried deep; the fire must have collapsed the platform beneath the body as it burned in a shallow grave. Her arms trembled, whether from excitement, exhaustion, anticipation, or fear was unclear. She scrabbled at the dirt, a detached part of her knowing she looked crazed, filthy and unwell.

Fingernails scratched against something hard. Frantically she brushed away the last layers of earth to unveil what lay hidden for decades.

Darth Vader’s mask.

Even moldering and half-melted, she recognized it. The face guard was caved in, warped and fissured by heat. The surface, once gleaming like her own, was ashy and blistered. At first glance, the intimidation seemed diminished, shrunken, the resemblance to a hollow skull striking. It was like looking at a ghost, the echo of what had been, the same power diluted.

It was exactly what she had hoped for.

Kira reached with shaking hands to grasp Vader’s mask. It was warm compared to the moist soil. She tugged it free with a faint crack and lifted it. Dark energy trickled down her arms along with crumbs of dirt. She exhaled. This was it. 

Now that she was here, she was unsure how to proceed. It wasn’t a holocron that could be accessed by meditation. Artifacts were much less structured, neither were they intended to pass on knowledge or channel the dead. The hope was Vader would come to her. 

The mask warmed in her hands and she inhaled sharply. Gripping it harder, she probed with her perception, but the warmth became searing hot in an instant. The Darkness rushed towards her, pouring through the conduit of the mask. She screamed, skin fusing to its surface. It was too much, burning her up and hollowing her mind. The muscles in her arms and hands were rigid and unresponsive. She thrashed to break free, writhing on the remains of the pyre, the earthy scent of crushed moss and leaves overridden by the iron tang of panic in her mouth and nostrils. 

_ Channel it,  _ she ordered herself.  _ Channel the fear, the anger, the pain.  _

She levered herself into a kneeling position and pushed against the onslaught of Darkness coursing through her, seeking to master it. And for a moment, her fingers loosened and the Dark receded, bending to her will, before it churned up in an undeniable torrent. 

Shadows wrapped around her, consuming like tongues of flame. Her eyes rolled up in her head. She didn’t scream again. 

_ Come, child. Discover us.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and kudos to share your thoughts! I love to hear from you all.
> 
> Next update November 22 CST!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for giving this chapter a once over!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Their trip to Endor was surprisingly smooth. Abnormally smooth, given this group’s history, but Ben was too preoccupied to reflect on it.

There’d been no sign from Kira. The bond was as uncooperative as ever, ignoring his prods and tugs and pleadings. Sometimes the bond was a tangible thing, just beyond his physical senses like a lingering taste on his tongue or the impression of a touch over his heart. Now it was dissolute in the Force, leaving him with only the strange certainty that it existed, that she was on the other end.

He and Chewbacca shared what piloting duties there were, which were not many after the navcomp took over. Silyana made herself scarce, while Poe half-heartedly attempted to teach Finn sabacc, their conversation muted and sporadic. Despite the earlier anticipation, the gravity of their mission had settled in. 

The planned refueling stop on Hoth went without incident. Poe, who was currently the least recognizable of their team and had the lowest active bounty, much to his chagrin, was nominated to handle the transaction with the port boss. 

“I’ve been causing grief in the Galaxy longer than any of you,” Poe grumbled, pulling on his insulated jacket. Chewbacca turned around in his chair and made a reproachful growl. “Okay, except you.” 

Chewie shook his head and went back to checking the ship.

Everyone else stayed on board to avoid recognition.

Ben impatiently monitored the fuel gauges from the cockpit as the indicators ticked upwards. He had told Poe very specifically what needed to be done to soothe the finicky old ship - the Falcon was particular about the rate and level of fuel added to its tanks - but it seemed Poe had listened, even if it took him almost an hour. 

He accosted Poe as soon as he boarded. “What took you so long?”

Poe shrugged, shivering slightly, face ruddy with cold. “There’s only one fuel supply and three other ships arrived before us. I couldn’t cut in line.”

“Did anyone see you?”

“You mean beside the janky pit droid, the half-frozen guy I bought the fuel from, and all three crews of the other ships docked in this bay? No, not a single soul.”

“I don’t like it. It’s too busy.”

“Well, we’re already here so it’s too late now.”

“Very astute, Dameron.”

“Astute? Damn, Ben, there’s no need to quote the dictionary at me.”

“Your humor is misplaced. Save it for a mission where the entire First Order isn’t trying to beat us to our target.”

“It’s called wit,” Poe said, “and I know you’re more than familiar with using it yourself.”

“Stow it,” he snarled. 

“Switch off, Ben.” Silyana emerged from the captain’s quarters, her sock-clad feet silencing her step, both men attempting to keep their expressions level at her abrupt appearance. 

“It wouldn’t hurt to remind your boyfriend here of how serious what we’re trying to do here is,” Ben snapped. 

“What, so a man can’t make a joke anymore? Ever heard of morale? Because you’re doing you’re damndest to kill it,” she retorted. 

“I’m trying to keep us focused.”

“If you hold on too tight, you’ll lose control.” She cocked her head. “Or did you learn nothing from the Jedi  _ and  _ the Sith?”

He clamped his jaw shut. With a snort, she glanced at Poe, who was gingerly peeling off his frozen outer layers and shivering. “You have something of mine.”

“Yeah?” Poe winced as he flexed stiff fingers. 

“Yeah.”

He looked up. “You want it back?” She extended a hand. He cut his eyes at Ben, who remained scowling. “Right now?”

“Give me my damn lightsaber.”

“Alright, fine.” He unzipped the final jacket and unclipped the saber at his belt. “You could’ve asked nicely.”

“As if.” She took it from him and hooked it to her waistband. “What are you looking at,  _ Kylo?” _ She glanced at the lightsaber at his side with a raised eyebrow. 

Ben lifted his hands in retreat. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

“Ah, there’s that sarcastic menace.” She grinned.

“Could I get some caf?” Poe asked Silyana through chattering teeth. “I’m so cold I’m not entirely sure all my limbs are still attached. Damn ice planet.”

She eyed him. “Fine. But only if you find a way to warm me up after.”

“You’re just saying that to make him uncomfortable.” He jerked his head towards Ben. 

“Is it working?”

They peered at Ben, assessing, and he glowered. 

“I think so,” Poe stage-whispered. 

“Excellent.” Silyana smirked and sauntered towards the galley. 

“Hey, we’re on your side, you know? We’ve got your back,” Poe said to him. 

“I know.”

“Good. Now get us off this overgrown snowball. We’ve got a Supreme Leader to find.”

No one noticed the man who slipped away from the junker’s crew and under the  _ Millennium Falcon’s _ bow before tossing the tracking beacon onto a panel near the aft. It stuck with a soft thunk, dormant and undetectable. 

~---~

Silyana was in the cockpit, peering out the forward viewport, when the  _ Falcon _ dropped from hyperspace. Tuning out Chewbacca and Ben’s murmuring as they adjusted their heading, Silyana gazed at the Endor system. The forest moon was a swirl of emerald and amber hues, a testament to the varying seasons across its globe. The other moons hung suspended in more distant orbits, blue, white, and gray marbles overshadowed by Endor. 

“What is the plan now, Solo?” she said. “We don’t have time to search the whole planet.”

“Chewie said Wicket’s village is in this quadrant. Vader’s pyre should be in the near vicinity.”

“We don’t know that’s where she will be. We should look for her starship.”

“We don’t know that she’ll be by the ship either. We’ll look for both. Chewie will take care of the physical scans to locate the ship -“

“And we’ll take care of the metaphysical scans,” she finished. 

“If that’s what we’re calling it,” Ben said. “Once we get close enough, I’ll begin a search pattern over the forest. I want you to keep your perception open.”

“Sure thing, boss,” she replied, the tension in her voice betraying the jaunty words. She settled into a seat behind Ben and braced for the turbulence of entering atmo. Finn and Poe wandered into the cockpit as they dropped into the blue. After several minutes of silent descent, the  _ Falcon _ leveled out over muted green trees, the cedar needles creating a soft, furred effect. 

“We’re nearing the area,” Ben said. 

“Right.” Silyana straightened her spine and closed her eyes. Her lips pursed in a slow exhale. Meditative exercises weren’t her forte, but when she had a purpose, something to focus, something to  _ hunt,  _ then she thrived. 

The Dark was familiar to her, almost comforting. It had always been a part of her experience with the Force, before Luke’s Academy. The Jedi’s wholesale objection to any aspect of the Dark had rankled and chafed, until Kira set her free. She touched the Force on her own terms, and the Jedi restrictions did not suit. It was like being denied the use of one eye, vision limited, perception compromised. 

Silyana dove in the fabric of the Force, rubbing against the impossibly intricate weave of Light and Dark and feeling it ripple under her touch. After allowing herself a moment to settle, she tugged on the threads of Darknes,s seeking where they knotted together. Some knots were a natural pattern, but one was anomalous, an oddity in the design. 

“Southeast,” she ordered abruptly, eyes still shut. The ship’s course curved in the proper direction and she continued to call out micro adjustments. Chewbacca rumbled about a find on the scans. 

“Keep going; she’s just ahead,” Silyana said. The Darkness in her mind’s eye grew stronger, thickening. 

Chewbacca growled, saying the forest before them was too dense to land the  _ Falcon.  _

“If you have a chute I’ll drop in.”

“How about no,” Poe interjected. 

“We’re going in on foot,” Ben said with finality.

Her eyes snapped open. “If something happens before we get there -“

“Now who’s anxious?” Ben snarled. “Calm the kriff down.”

Poe’s eyes were fixed on her, fascinated. “I can’t believe you can just  _ do _ that.”

“Believe it, flyboy.”

The  _ Falcon _ took a sharp turn, spiraling until it found a clearing where a lone TIE fighter sat in the grass. 

Silyana was first off the ship and tore off to the makeshift campsite sheltered under the TIE. She touched the coals covered in crackling leaves that had drifted over the fire bed. 

“It’s cold. She hasn’t been here this morning.”

“There’s tracks here,” Finn called, kneeling next to a tiny stream curling around gigantic gnarled roots. “They’re not fresh, but we should be able to follow her trail.”

“You know how to track?” Poe asked at his side. 

“Enough. I wasn’t a scout trooper, though.”

The Dark anomaly released a rush of energy. Ben and Silyana jerked toward the source like hounds catching a scent. Silyana took an unconscious step towards it and halted herself. 

“What was that?” Poe exclaimed. “What is it? You both are freaking me out.”

“Maybe we don’t need a tracker,” Finn observed. 

“I didn’t expect it to be so strong,” Silyana said. 

Ben grimaced. “She’s already there.”

Chewbacca barked, hefting his bowcaster. 

“He’s right,” Ben said. “We need to move swiftly. Don’t take more than you need. We travel light.”

Trekking through the forest was a tense journey. Silyana and Ben took turns leading them forward; when one faltered, uncertain, the other pressed on. The others trailed behind, Chewie scanning the ground for traps laid by the Ewoks, Poe and Finn watching their flanks. 

The pulse took her by surprise and she staggered, landing hard on a knee. 

“What the hell is that?” Silyana growled at Ben, who looked winded and pale. “If your dearly departed grandfather hurts her, I’ll resurrect him to kill myself.”

“It may not be Vader,” Ben said. 

“Kriff, kriff, kriff,” she muttered. Poe appeared at her elbow. 

“Are you alright?”

“Karking Siths. I’m fine.” She straightened, dusting fallen needles and dirt off her pants, and caught Ben’s eye. “We shouldn’t take them with us.”

“Excuse me?” Poe said. 

“We don’t know what’s up there. They’d be walking in blind.”

Finn spoke up. “I think we should all continue. As I see it, we’re not being affected by whatever you’re sensing.”

She kept her eyes on Ben. “Not yet you haven’t.”

“Who’ll drag you out if whatever this is incapacitates you?”

Silyana finally looked at Finn. “You don’t know what you could be walking into.”

“And you do?”

She shrugged. “A fair idea.”

“We’ll take it a step at a time,” Ben interrupted. “If something changes or we learn something new, we’ll reevaluate.”

Their steps grew slower, more calculated. The closer they got, the more tangible the Dark became. It was cold, like walking into a snowstorm, the tips of her extremities growing numb and her eyes watering. Finn and Poe were unaffected except for an unconscious shiver, but to the Force users, each step nearer felt like pushing into a growing blizzard gale.

Everyone halted when they entered the clearing. 

Shadow flames leapt dense and smokeless from the center of the glade. The burning area was in the shape of a ghostly pyre, obscured with leaping shadows. The fire didn’t seem to spread or consume, but she felt its aura as an icy blast. 

“Karking Sith,” she muttered. Ben stood beside her, breath caught in his chest, as the rest of their crew gaped behind them. 

He made a desperate noise in the back of his throat. “I have to reach her.”

“Ben,” she cautioned, her hand twitching as if to grab him. 

“She’s in there. I can sense her.” He looked at her earnestly. “Don’t you?”

All Silyana sensed was the roiling Darkness, but, indulging him, she concentrated anyway. 

He lunged forward before she could stop him. The shadow flames leapt up as he charged into the inferno, tongues of dark fire wrapping around him until he was lost to sight. She shrieked in outrage, cursing herself for falling for his simple trick. Finn cried out and Chewie wailed.

“Silyana.” Poe had a hold on her arm. “What is that?”

She ground her teeth. “I don’t know.”

“What - what just happened to Kylo?” Finn demanded.

“I  _ don’t know _ .” She shook off Poe’s grip. “Stay back.”

“Wait!”

Feeling the lightsaber at her hip, she strode after Ben, braced against whatever was ahead.

She gasped at the shock of cold that wrapped her legs and climbed her torso. It burned, setting nerve endings on fire. The flames drew on the Dark within her and seeped under her skin. Indistinct voices chittered and murmured in her head. She shoved them away but it was like an icicle was driven through her skull. She screamed and collapsed, vision fading to black.

“Silyana? Silyana!”

When she blinked awake, her body was still freezing cold. Disoriented, she struggled to right herself but was held fast by strong arms.

“Thank the stars,” Poe sighed in her ear, then promptly yelped as she thrashed free and whirled away from him. 

“What happened?” she demanded. Staggering, she caught herself on a thick sapling and squinted to take in the unfamiliar forest.

Poe stood, while Chewbacca and Finn watched warily. “You ran into that  _ thing _ like a reckless idiot.”

“Ben did it first.” She shivered violently and her temples throbbed.

“Do you have a death wish?”

“Where is Ben?” she asked.

“You could have been  _ killed _ .” Poe’s tone was low, and her head hurt too much to determine if he was angry or frightened.

“Where’s Ben?” she repeated.

“He hasn’t come out, and whatever that is... it’s still going,” Finn said.

“You’re going to get hypothermia,” Poe interjected. “That thing froze you half to death. You need to get warm.”

“No,  _ where _ is he? Where are they? Where did you take me?”

“Away,” Poe snapped. He was definitely turning angry now.

“I’m going -”

“No. You’re not. Come here.”

Ignoring him, she tried to reach out to find the shadow fire again and nearly blacked out from pain. Poe reached out to steady her but she jerked away. “Don’t order me around, Dameron.”

“I won’t let you get yourself killed.”

“So you’ve told me. I can take care of myself, thanks.”

“I don’t care,” he snarled. “I’m not losing another person on a mission.”

Finn stiffened. Silyana stared, anger and frustration blazing in her eyes. She had stumbled on some history, and not for the first time, she realized. Finn wouldn’t meet her look, and Poe seemed to be glaring right through her. 

“Not again,” he gritted out

“You’ve just lost Ben and Kira! The Dark Side has taken them, so we have to  _ take them back _ .”

“You can’t if you get yourself killed!”

“Poe is right, Ren,” Finn agreed firmly.

Silyana whirled. “Don’t call me that. In fact, don’t address me at all,  _ trooper _ . You know nothing of this.”

Chewbacca growled a warning and stepped towards her. Ignoring them, she turned and focused again, pushing through the shattering headache. The Dark flare was near; they hadn’t taken her far when she fainted. Another painful throb turned the edges of her vision black. She choked back a surge of bile and started back the way they’d taken her. 

The feeling of an icy wind assaulted her when she stepped into the clearing. The shadow flames continued unabated. With every step she took, the chittering voices grew louder but no more coherent, drowning her numb thoughts. It was too much. She snarled, hating the tears that pooled in her eyes.

After several minutes of fighting her unwilling legs to take another step forward, Silyana caved. With a cry of frustration, she staggered away to find Poe at the tree line, watching and waiting. He offered his jacket, and when she didn’t move to accept, he draped it around her shoulders and pulled her into his arms.

“Will you come away?”

She just shivered, eyes fixed on Vader’s pyre, and refused to relax into his embrace. 

Poe sighed. “Okay, then. Just stay with me.”

~---~

Hux narrowed his eyes, noticing Tirian Ren watching Captain Sytnnix. 

It could be just coincidence, because Stynnix was in Hux’s presence more often due to her elevated status. Hux hadn’t told Tirian the extent of her duties because it was none of his concern. Even with Tirian and Ymiré alternating their bodyguard duties, Tirian was privy to a good portion of his schedule and Stynnix was at Hux’s side. Thus, the watching.

Walking from a meeting on supply lines to another on trooper cadet training, Hux ignored the impulse to rub his forehead and settled for a grimace that did nothing for his headache. Odds were it was dehydration, but when did he have time to drink water? Hux was beginning to doubt Snoke was mortal, despite his postmortem status. Stynnix trailed half a step behind while Tirian ghosted in the rear. He still hadn’t replaced the two remaining Knights with his choice for guards, but it was one of many personal tasks that had to be neglected. 

“Leader Hux?” Stynnix’s voice had a tinge of urgency that he was learning to dread.

“Yes, Captain?” he said. Her sharp, light footsteps had stopped and he turned to face her. She looked up at him from her datapad, casting a glance at Tirian. Hux waited.

“The team you sent out found a lead. More than a lead, sir.”

“Team?” he blurted. He’d become disgustingly  _ comfortable _ in her presence, his restraint lowered, enough to  _ blurt _ things out like a plebian.

She straightened, ignoring the Knight hovering at her back. “Tirian Ren hasn’t yet been cleared to hear this information.”

Tirian was wearing his mask, hiding his reaction, but Hux imagined his interest piqued. The Knights’ presence aboard the  _ Finalizer _ , once necessary, had long since become the hand squeezing his throat. But how to get rid of them without a lightsaber in his back? He couldn’t, not while Kira Ren and Silyana were still at large. 

Stynnix waited expectantly, leaning forward, a contrast to Tirian’s relaxed height.

Hux held out a hand. “Show me.”

She gave over the data pad. The intelligence report, dated an hour ago, was from the scout team he’d ordered to follow up on Hoth. 

They’d sighted the  _ Millennium Falcon _ . 

It took a moment for Hux to place the freighter’s name. Once he did, the repressed excitement in Stynnix’s voice made sense. The ship was associated with Ben Solo, also known as the bounty hunter Kylo. He read on. The scouts hadn’t seen Solo, but the coincidence of the two sightings was highly improbable. 

Stynnix said only a week ago:  _ “Find Ben Solo, and you’ll find Kira Ren.” _

The only person seen disembarking the ship was a man, well-bundled against the cold. But the image taken when he unwound his scarf to speak to the manager had been run through facial recognition. The match was Poe Dameron, Resistance member and associate of Leia Organa, mother of Ben Solo. Three coincidences was all but a sure confirmation. 

The scouts had tagged the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ with a tracker. It was a specialized type, dormant until triggered, siphoning minimal amounts of energy from the ship’s external systems. It would be activated by the dimension-warping of a hyperspace jump, when it would send out a low power signal, easily camouflaged as the ship’s environment sensors. It wasn’t specific enough to provide exact coordinates, but the First Order would be able to surmise the sector where the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ traveled to. 

The data pad binged with another report received, an update to the previous one. 

The tracker had been activated. The  _ Millennium Falcon _ was in the Endor system. 

“Take the fleet to Endor,” Hux commanded. 

Stynnix blinked. “The entire fleet, Supreme Leader?”

Hux scowled. Obviously not. The  _ entire  _ fleet was dispersed, maintaining order, gathering supplies, engaging enemies. He’d meant this division. Well, if she was able to read his mind, he would be obsolete, he supposed. But when did she decide she had the right to question his orders? “This fleet, Captain. See to it that we leave within the hour.”

“Yes, Leader Hux.” She snapped a salute and trotted towards the bridge. Tirian and Hux watched her go. 

Hux turned to Tirian. “How do you feel about capturing Ben Solo?”

Tirian’s bare hands flexed. “Excellent, Supreme Leader.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to accelerate a bit - what are your theories/predictions? Leave me a comment and kudos! Thanks for reading...
> 
> Next update December 6 CST


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for beta'ing this chapter.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Rose squinted at the holovid, the blue light stinging her eyes after so many hours. With a groan, she paused it once again and rewound the footage. Editing was the worst, but the more trimmed the vid, the easier it was to encrypt and transmit without detection through the First Order. If only she could get to the encryption stage, that was the fun part. Hux would never know what hit him. 

“I never expected to be a holostar,” Archex said, watching a miniaturized holoimage of himself say the lines over again. 

“I don’t know if propaganda makes you a holostar,” Rose replied. 

“Probably not,” he agreed. “This is just as unbelievable as stardom. I never would have conceived of doing something like this.” 

After replaying the thirty second clip one last time, she uploaded the file into her encryption algorithm and said, “The First Order makes thinking past tomorrow impossible. Each day is full of uncertainty.” She glanced at him. “I really do appreciate you stepping back into the fight. That was a huge sacrifice.” 

“It wasn’t sacrificing much,” he admitted. “I had pieces of a life, but the First Order always lurked behind every decision I made. I’m trapped on Kijimi; going anywhere else means I could be discovered. I enjoy what I do there, but it’s a small bubble that could implode at any moment. I’d rather fight the Order head on than hide in the corner with my eyes closed. It’s not how I was trained.” 

“Finn talks like that a lot too,” she observed. The file finished the encryption and compression. “BB-8?” 

The droid popped out from a stack of crates. 

“Where do you get off to, Beebee?” she asked. 

He chirruped. 

“You shouldn’t bother Artoo. He’s got his own tasks.” 

Whistling, BB-8 rolled closer. 

“I’m sure he doesn’t mind, but you’re distracting him. Besides, Poe said you’re to help me.” 

He hung his head, emitting a mournful whine. 

Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t help the tiny smile that tugged at her lips. 

“Don’t be so morose. I’m not mad at you.” 

He swiveled his oculus up towards her hopefully. 

“Take this to Beaumont Kin in comms.” She held out a datastick. “He knows the codes for our contacts, alright? Tell him the holo is ready for distribution.” 

BB-8 received the datastick grandly and rolled off to deliver his precious cargo. 

Archex chuckled. “Spunky little astromech, isn’t it?” 

“A little too spunky. He gets that from his master.” 

“Poe Dameron?” 

“Yup. That’s him.” 

“What’s his role here?” 

Rose pressed her lips together. “Lieutenant, as far as I know.” 

“He lets you borrow his droid?” 

She caught his raised eyebrows and an awkward laugh escaped her. “It’s not like that. He owes me. Although in this case, it’s more babysitting than anything else.” A hot flash of the old anger gripped her. “He owes me a lot more than the use of his droid for a few days anyway,” she grumbled. 

“Ah.” Archex nodded and squinted. “You carry around a ledger.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You keep track of who owes you and who you owe.” 

The defensive words burst out. “I don’t.” 

Archex dismantled the holocam they’d used to film his anti-First Order propaganda. “I had a ledger, too. You won’t be surprised to know that Phasma and the Huxes were the furthest in the red.” 

Rose turned and quietly started shutting down her console. 

“I never redeemed Phasma’s debt. Apparently Finn killed her, so I won’t be able to make her pay. Not how I’d like. It’s an ugly thing to say, I know, but I wanted to make her hurt how I’d been hurt.” He packed the holocam in its case and looked up at her. “You might relate.” 

“Poe’s not a bad person,” she admitted. 

“That doesn’t mean you don’t want him to hurt.” He paused. “Your sister?” 

She stared before she remembered she’d told him on Kijimi why she fought for the Resistance. She nodded. “Paige died on a mission he planned.” 

“Hmm.” He clasped the case shut. “That’s difficult.” 

She gripped the pendant at her throat. “Yeah.” 

Sighing, he laid a hand on her shoulder. “Life doesn’t work like a ledger, and we’re not bookkeepers. If you try to make it work that way, you’ll be continually disappointed. Sometimes you have to forgive the debt.” 

The console pinged before shutting down. Her hands dropped to her lap. “I know.” 

He tapped the holocam case. “You think these holovids will work?” 

“You know the troopers better than I do, Archex.” She gave an optimistic smile. “But I think so.” 

~---~ 

Kira awakened with a shuddering inhale. Her eyes flew open to darkness, fingers clenching on fistfuls of cool, smooth grains. Lying supine, she leveraged to a sitting position, desperate to clear her head and remember. 

Endor. 

The fire. 

Ben. 

The hike. 

Vader. 

The mask. 

She rose to a crouch and tried to get her bearings. A chill wind carrying the flat scent of dust cut through her clothing. Her boots shifted on sand, but this wasn’t Jakku. The constellations were unfamiliar. 

Almost dimmer than the stars, lights glowed on the horizon. She walked towards them, knowing exposure in the desert at night meant hypothermia or attack by wild animals. Civilization, friendly or not, offered protection against the whims of nature. She reached for her saber, finding its comforting presence at her side. 

The closer she drew to the settlement, the more she felt her steps were being directed to a tent dwelling on the outskirts. Peering into a low-ceilinged living area, she halted at a slit in the rawhide. A woman hung limp on a rack, congealed blood dribbling from lacerations across her body. Kira pushed through the opening. The smell of old blood and infection assaulted her senses, almost making her step back, but the woman appeared to be whispering something. Leaning closer, she caught the faint rattle of battered lungs over chapped lips. The woman was alive, but not for long. Burns littered the exposed skin between a rainbow of bruises. 

_ Why am I here? _

A man materialized next to her, as if he had always been there, and when he spoke, Kira wasn’t surprised. 

“She was tortured.” 

Lit by the glow of the coals, the man’s robes were stylistically Jedi, though the leather vest and tunic were darker than the traditional sand hues, and well-tailored to his towering height and athleticism, but his posture was apologetic. 

“She was in agony for days before I found her.” 

Hidden under a deep cowl, his scar was almost a twin to her own, stretching over his eye and twisting across his scowling face. The words tripped off her tongue before the hypocritical guilt could stop her. “What did you do?” 

“I held her,” he said in an even, measured tone. “I felt the life drain out of her, like water through my fingers.” 

Kira turned away from his gruesome scar, staring toward the night-shadowed desert wastes. “You could have saved her.” 

“I had already lost her,” he muttered. “But I couldn’t let her go. The Dark Side, it takes everyone from you, in the end.” 

“No.” 

He took her shoulder in a bruising grip and wrenched her around to face him, pinning her with golden eyes that burned in the depths of his cowl. “I held on too tight. She slipped through my fingers.” 

His hand was a cold prosthetic, a metal claw that pierced her skin. The arm was going numb, as if ice water seeped through her veins. She raised her chin. “You’re Vader.” 

He chuckled. “And yet you don’t believe me, but you already know. You come to me for answers to convince my grandson to choose the Dark. The Dark Side  _ takes _ . It will not give him to you. It takes and takes and takes until all you have left is a shell of your soul, held together by self-loathing.” 

The ice raced through her arteries and Kira screamed as the dwelling collapsed with a crack. 

The numbness had spread throughout her body, a chill tingle the only reminder of her corporeal form. Sulfur and the smell of hot metal assaulted her nose. Oppressive heat shimmered through clouds of acrid smoke. A Naboo diplomatic vessel, chrome gilding glinted with undulating red light, sat on the edge of the platform with its ramp lowered. A different woman lay crumpled on the decking, delicate limbs limp around her slight body, rounded with child under a brown tunic. Glossy chestnut hair pulled back in a long braid, her chest rose in shallow, uneven breaths, face starkly pale. 

R2-D2 careened down the ship’s ramp with a shrill cry, startling Kira. How many years had it been since she’d seen the droid? This was the past, but this vision was all too real as the astromech chirped and whistled in distress. The woman didn’t stir. 

“You cannot take those you love with you down this path.” He crouched across from Kira, lips twisting in a heartbroken snarl as he looked down at the woman. R2 began to pull her by the feet across the deck towards the safety of the ship, and Vader watched them go. 

“This is not the same,” Kira baulked. 

“Isn’t it? How many times have you hurt, killed, abused them?” 

“I’m not responsible for their assumptions and judgments.”

“No. You're responsible for your actions.” He stood, Dark energy like heat waves around him. “I didn’t kill her, but I trampled her in my lust for power. What I thought was love was desperation to possess. She was not a possession, but when I treated her like one, it broke us.” 

“You never truly loved her?” 

Vader grinned, the expression feral. He came closer. “The Dark Side drained my love and replaced it with fear. I had nothing, in the end. Nothing but unassailable power.” He was taller than her, and Kira tilted her head to meet his burning stare. “You think you can do better, that you can hold onto all the pieces?” 

“I’m not a Skywalker.” She drew the currents of Darkness to herself like a cloak. It fought against Vader’s proximity like two opposing magnets, but they stood fast, equals in this. “Your weaknesses are not mine.” 

His grin widened. “My  _ weaknesses  _ are human. You think that the Dark Side is what you want, but I can sense your humanity, Kira Ren. Though you’d deny it.” 

“Weaknesses can be overcome.” 

“Weaknesses can be strengths.” He snatched the front of her tunic and they were wrenched through time and space, albeit not far. 

Vader’s cowl was thrown back, his hair a riot of messy waves. The heat was unbearable, but he contemplated the sludge of lava unaffected. 

An agonized groan wrenched her attention away from the grim Vader. Further up the slope lay a charred, mangled body. Kira had seen many horrors, some caused by her own hand, but the mess of crisped skin and glistening muscle and taut tendons and amputated limbs – somehow a  _ living being _ – was gruesome enough to make bile rise in her throat. 

A bearded Jedi Master stood at the crest of the rise, tears streaming down his face. “You were my brother, Anakin!” he screamed. 

“ _ I HATE YOU _ ,” the mangled man roared.

Vader raised a hand and the scene paused, the Jedi vanished, the remains of Anakin Skywalker stilled. 

“I know the Dark Side,” Kira spat, turning back to glare at his profile. “I know the cost. You think me weak. You believe me incapable of the sacrifices necessary. You seek to deter me from taking your birth right.” 

“I’ll say it again. It takes, and it takes, and it  _ takes.”  _ He was beside her, gripping her jaw with his unnatural hand. He forced her to look at the smoking, ruined body above them on the pebbled slope. “It takes more than you have to give, Kira. I don’t care if your power exceeds my own. But don’t expect me to aid you in destroying my grandson.” He released her chin and she stumbled away. He chuckled darkly. “Yes, I know why you’ve come. My answer is no.”

“Together,” she rasped, “we could –” 

“He’ll either be  _ that, _ ” Vader gestured to his ruined past self, “or he’ll be lost along the way.” 

_ You’re going down a path I can’t follow,  _ an echo cried.

The Jedi master’s words returned,  _ You were my brother, Anakin!  _

At their words, the burning Vader screamed with rage and the calm lava flow erupted from its banks, washing away the scene with a wave of blistering heat. She raised her hands but the molten rock crashed over her. 

Kira drowned in darkness, barely attached to her consciousness. 

Vader’s voice rumbled in her head.  _ You wanted a choice, Kira. Face the consequences. _

Her lungs seized and she jerked to wakefulness, adrenaline scorching through her body. The sky was a blurred mess of branches and clouds, and she blinked rapidly against the light. A shadow cut into her field of view and she focused on it. 

“Kira?” Ben breathed. 

~---~

Ben’s skin was numb, the brush of his clothing like scraping against porous stone. He hunched over and pushed forward, nearly stumbling over her in the darkness as the shadow flames licked at his limbs and torso in a boreal gale.

Rey lay in the center of the burning pyre, spine straight and eyes closed. Her hood had fallen away from her face and over her chest she clasped the warped visage of Darth Vader. 

“Rey!” He fell to his knees and sought a pulse, but her skin was cool and stiff. Frozen tears tracked from the corners of her eyes and his own throat closed as he began to cry. “Rey, please, be with me.” 

How long had she been there, burning with cold? From the remains of the campfire by the starships, it could have been overnight. Her complexion was gray, lips and fingernails blue. Bruised hallows surrounded her eyes and horror clamped around his throat. 

She was unresponsive, but she wasn’t dead. Her Force signature flickered and sizzled with Darkness, very much active, but her body was in stasis, not unlike hibernation. He tried to pry Vader’s mask from her but his fingers stuck to its surface, freezing instantly. Wrenching himself away, he shook her shoulder, slapped her face, but nothing woke her. Reaching through the bond was like slipping on ice and he landed winded on his back. 

Violent shivers began overtaking him even as tears dripped off the end of his nose. 

“Please, Rey, please, fight this.” He curled up next to her, maybe to warm her or keep himself from freezing as shadow flames danced around them. Pressing his face to her abdomen, he pleaded, “Be with me. You’re stronger than this. Please, Rey. Please, Kira, just be with me.  _ Kira, please _ .” 

How long he wept and begged was uncertain, but when she seized and gasped, his muscles were dulled. Ben stiffly pulled himself over to peer down into her face. Her hazel irises were rimmed with gold, but even as he watched, it faded and they focused on him. 

“Kira?” 

She flung him onto his back, landing with a bone-rattling thump on the dirt. The flames had evaporated. He struggled to sit or stand if his frozen legs and arms would cooperate with either activity. 

Swaying, she stood and watched with wide eyes as Vader’s mask crumbled to ash and blew away, scattering amongst the forest detritus. 

“Kira.” He lurched forward, but her hand stretched out to ward him away. “Are you alright?” 

Her nostrils flared and teeth bared. “You shouldn’t have come.” 

He gaped. “You - you told me Endor.” 

“That was a mistake, Ben.” 

“No.” His face hardened. “No, no it wasn’t.” 

“I’m not going to argue with you about this,” she hissed, and she was off through the trees at a sprint. 

“Rey!” He staggered, still fighting the cold-induced lethargy, but he kept moving, warming as he did, and began to run after her. 

She stayed out of reach, both too exhausted to do more than press on without tripping. Silyana, Finn, Chewie, and Poe had vanished, leaving Ben alone to pursue her. She headed toward the ships, but no way in hell was he letting her leave, not now, not ever. Not before they had a chance to talk. He tracked the flicker of her dark gray robes against the muted browns and yellows of the forest and pushed himself to lengthen his strides. 

They stumbled into the clearing after an hour’s chase when the sun was below the reach of the trees, gilding the highest branches in gold. 

“Kira!” he shouted. 

Her run flattened to a sprint towards the elegant TIE fighter. 

“You’re not leaving,” he roared. She pivoted and wrapped an invisible string around his ankle and yanked. Trying to counterbalance, instead he landed on his wrist and collapsed on his side. He hissed, “Kark,” and rose to his knees, cradling the joint against his stomach. When he looked up, she was sealing the cockpit and bringing the engines online. 

Ben staggered upright and his overexerted muscles protested, begging for a respite, but his eyes were fixed on Rey. 

The ion engines began to rumble and whine. She caught his wide-eyed gaze through the transperisteel canopy and held it as the TIE lifted a meter from the ground. The engines’ propulsion tried to shove him back but he leaned against it and advanced. The ship was too high to reach, even if his human strength would’ve been enough to hold it to ground, so he flung his hands up wide and  _ pulled _ . 

The Force thrummed taut between Ben and Kira’s TIE, staggering it in midair. His fatigue scattered as he opened himself up to the energy of the Force. Widening his stance, he drew the ship down as it bucked and swerved. The straining ship swung around and her furious, pale face glared down on him, but he raised his chin and clenched his fists. 

Something in the TIE’s structure popped and gave way, causing him to flinch. The ship lurched as his concentration faltered, and with a scream, the ion engines leapt to full thrust. The wind of the ship’s wake lashed against him with a torrent of pine needles, and then she was too far away, slipping through the strands of his reach. Smoke trailed from the left wing, but it continued to accelerate into the upper atmosphere. 

The others and Chewie were an afterthought as he sprinted aboard the  _ Falcon _ and brought the engines online. He had no idea where they’d gone after he plunged into the shadow flames for Kira, but they’d understand. He’d return for them, once he had stopped Rey. 

The  _ Falcon’s  _ sublight engines hummed to life. He checked the scanners to trace the TIE fighter, which was nearing the exosphere, the threshold for hyperspace jumps. Guiding the  _ Falcon _ into the air, he jetted upwards. 

Whatever damage he’d inflicted on her ship had become exponentially worse when he caught up. From the look of it, she was foundering in open space with little thrust and his desperation ratcheted higher. Docking with the TIE would be risky, injured as it was, and the  _ Falcon  _ didn’t have a tractor beam or grapples. Should he hail her over comms? Would she answer? 

Before he could make up his mind, the TIE began to plummet towards the forest moon’s nearest neighbor, Endor’s ocean moon.

“Kira!” he cried, though she couldn’t hear. 

With no other options, he followed her dive towards the stormy blue-gray planet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, a rare Vader in the wild! What did you think? Let me know in a comment! I'm interested in your thoughts...
> 
> Next update Dec 20 CST


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for being flexible with my forgetfulness and beta’ing despite the time crunch!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Warning lights and alarm bells screamed in panic as the TIE's systems began to fail, one after another. 

Kira gripped the shuddering yoke, teeth gritted, trying to keep the ship together. Whatever Ben had broken off or pulled loose jarred the steering alignments, making the autopilot execute one of the roughest and clumsiest atmospheric evacs she'd ever endured, which in turn damaged a fuel line. From there it was only luck that kept the TIE from disintegrating in the vacuum. 

A hyperspace jump was out of the question. As difficult as reentry would be at this stage, it was a gamble she had to take. The other option was the burning, freezing embrace of empty space when the cockpit's integrity was inevitably compromised. 

The scanners were flickering between readings, so they couldn’t be accurate. The comms were full of static even if someone was near enough to hear her SOS. Instead, she reached out into the blackness of space and felt for the nearest planet. _There,_ far ahead, a glimmer of life. The forest moon was further yet, the ship already having careened far out of its orbit, so Kira dragged the TIE towards the blue-gray marble of the ocean moon. 

“Kriff, kriff, kriff,” she hissed. Tirian's sabotage on Mustafar might get her in the end, though she was determined not to let that weak-willed traitor be the death of her. 

The shields only lasted about five minutes into reentry, likely because the descent was more like a plummet than a glide. The cockpit began to overheat, sweat beading on her skin, and the canopy cocooned in brilliant incandescence from the heat. 

Seconds, each a frantic eternity, were filled to bursting as Kira tried to salvage her course. With considerable effort, she managed to reduce the speed to a manageable rate and the heat shear began to ebb, just in time to see the stormy ocean rising towards her. 

The moon’s land mass was too far out to reach from this altitude. It was either a water landing, which terrified her more than she cared to admit, or maybe - 

There it was. Ben had mentioned off hand once that the wreckage of the second Death Star had fallen to Kef Bir, Endor’s ocean moon. Battered by angry waves, it was massive, even in pieces and half-sunk into the blue-gray waters. The sections underneath were crushed under the weight of itself, causing the whole structure to list. The main decks tilted at a 30 degree angle, but that could be to her advantage if she could hit one of the open landing bays near the wreck's equator. 

It took every ounce of her skill as a pilot to bring the TIE in for a landing. The starfighter hurtled towards the Death Star. Blue and gray light swirled in a dizzying kaleidoscope outside the cockpit. Controls flashed. Alarms wailed. Acrid smoke burned. Someone, probably her, screamed.

Blackness. 

Disoriented, Kira opened her eyes. The world still seemed to spin. Pain blossomed where the X of the harness strapped her tight. She reached a hand gingerly to the back of her throbbing skull. A nice-sized knot sticky with dried blood on her head told her as much. If she managed to live to an old age, back pain from the whiplash was a given. 

With a long groan, she unfastened the harness and shoved out of the cockpit, which was tilted almost upside down, treating her to a view of the crumpled metal that had cracked the transperisteel. 

The wings were gone, shorn off like tattered feathers. The spherical body was lodged in a mess of support girders. Slowly, every joint screaming in protest, Kira worked her way out of the wreckage to the hangar floor, or what was left of it. The panels beneath her boots bent, the ghost of the Death Star moaned a deafening, haunting gasp as if in protest for disturbing its watery grave.

Sections had fallen away to create gaping maws, leeching the dim echoes of water moving far below. Reaching the outside through this hangar would be near impossible, especially with the further damage from her crash landing. The corridors and hallways held similar obstacles after decades of rust and neglect in the briny climate. 

To escape she'd have to take another route to the surface. Navigating the Death Star would be treacherous, but the latent scavenger in her was adequately prepared for the task. Her weakened state wouldn't help, but the adrenaline from the crash flooded her veins, giving an edge to the fatigued tremors in her muscles. 

Every surface was at a slippery angle, straining her balance, but the tread on her boots counteracted the slickness of the metal. Still, progress was tedious, and without a clear destination, it was hard to push forward. Mist wafted on the sea air, chilling her skin and leaving the faint taste of salt on her lips. 

Maybe this was where she was meant to die. Her life from one ruin to another, scrabbling in the wreckage of a failed Empire from before her time. Crashing from the heights into obscurity, the arc of her life ending in rust and decay, as nameless and forgotten as she began. 

But at least she wouldn't take Ben down with her. Or Leia. Or Chewbacca. Or Silyana, if she was still alive. Vader had told her to consider the cost, but she had already paid so much, she thought she'd given as much as anyone could ask... but the Dark Side was not anyone. It had no care or concern for her. Vader's vision provided a horrifying, frightening example of what surrender to the Dark Side was. 

Kira wiped mist and sweat from her brow. The air moved more gently here, suggesting an open space. Peering up into darkness, she searched for the glimmer of gray light. Something flickered high above, perhaps a beam of watery light from a cloudy sky. The distance indicated some kind of tall shaft, maybe for a turbolift. Steadying herself, she exhaled and began to scale the wall, muscle memory finding the near invisible holds in the Empire-designed panels. 

Maybe Vader experienced the price of surrendering to the Dark so that she didn't have to. 

The climb warmed her limbs, but once she reached the outside, it wouldn’t take long for the fog to seep into her clothes and chill her bones. Hypothermia wasn't the worst way to go; in the end it was just like falling asleep. It couldn't be helped anyway – she was lost, stranded, marooned far from any sentient life that could help her. The viable atmosphere on this moon was only prolonging her life. 

Ben would hate her for it. Even now, he'd want her to live. But for what? She was sparing him, sparing them all. She couldn't live in the Light, that door had closed long ago. The Dark cost too much, and if Ben had seen what Vader showed her, he would understand. 

It wasn't his choice. It was _hers,_ and hers alone. 

She pulled herself over the top into a space that might have once been grand or imposing, an audience chamber, perhaps. After catching her breath, she mounted shallow stairs towards the gigantic, shattered viewport. Traces of the Dark Side lingered in the seams, dripping like the steady tick of moisture that seeped through every crack. An Imperial Inquisitor had used this room, or Vader, or maybe even the Emperor. The Dark sought her out, and a piece of her wanted to take the comfort it whispered in her ear like the intoxication of glitterstim, but she shrugged off its touch. 

The rolling waves crashed against the structure far below. Kira leaned out, the sea breeze whipping loose strands of hair to sting her eyes. The edges of the glass pushed against her ribs but she stretched further, far enough to catch sight of a familiar freighter skimming over the wreckage close to the water line. 

_Damn it._ She reached out with her feelings to be sure, but they confirmed her guess. 

It was Ben, and he was alone. 

_Idiot._

He followed her, of course he had. Had he seen her spectacular plummet through space? The fool probably thought he’d crippled her ship, not knowing Tirian had already done a number on it. And now he was here. Refusing to let her go because of some egotistical insistence that the world revolved around him, and thus every problem, every mistake was his to fix.

She followed , that simmering conviction plowing through the currents of the Force, making space for himself wherever he went. The arrogant fool.

After landing the _Falcon_ on a jetty of sorts created by the wreckage,he started towards her, the beginnings of a relieved grin on his lips. “You're alright.” 

Weariness crashed down, bowing her shoulders. “You shouldn't have come.” 

“I was afraid you wouldn't survive a landing.” 

“Sadly, I'm quite resilient.” 

“You're freezing. Come on board, we'll find some blankets, and I'll make caf -” 

“ _Ben_.” 

He took stock of her then, noting the weary determination in how she gripped the hilt of her saber. 

"Kira, what are you doing?” 

She unhooked the hilt from her belt. “I don't have to do this.” 

“No, you don't,” he said. “You can come and get warm, and we can _talk about this like reasonable sentients!”_

It was hard to meet his gaze, the nascent hope withering into desperation. She kept her tone even, calm. “Don't make this something it's not.” 

“You wouldn't kill me. I know you. I _trust you_.” 

“I would.” She straightened, chin firm, eyes unwavering. “Understand, I wouldn't want to, but I would, in the end. That's the price of the Dark Side.” 

“You don't have to live in the Dark, we could be together!” 

“I can't go back to the Light.” 

Ben attempted a scoff, but it was more like a sob. “I'm not the Light, Kira, Rey. I'm nothing. Please, just please, please, don't do something you’ll regret.” 

“It's too late,” she whispered. “I've seen what the Dark will do. Vader showed me. And I can't. I can't let that happen. This, _us_ , has to end.” 

“No,” he cried. “There's another way, we just have to find it –” 

“I've already found it.” She ignited the lightsaber at her hip, eyes not truly focused on the man pleading with arms outstretched. It lit with an angry buzz, the salty breeze causing the crimson plasma to spit and pop more than ever. “You need to leave, Ben. Now.” 

“No. No, you can't do this again. You – we are going to do this together.” The light in his eyes edged towards hysterical, while in her heart, the spark of hope cooled to a hard, unaffected coal. "Force, don't do that. Don't shut me out. Please, Rey, please don't leave me. Not again.” 

“Get on the _Falcon_ , Ben. You can walk away.” 

“You wanted me to come here!” he yelled. “You told me where you were. You wanted me here. _You wanted me!_ ” 

“I was a fool.” She spun the lightsaber with a flick of her wrist and started towards him. 

“No.” His chin came up and fists clenched at his sides. “No. Be reasonable. I'm not going to do this.” 

The fiery blade sliced the air before her with a hungry _vrmmm-vrmmm,_ the red light glinting in her eyes. But he refused to move, even once she was within striking distance. Kira raised the blade under his chin. 

“I don't want to,” she whispered over the distant roar of the waves. “But I will.” 

His nostrils flared, but otherwise he was still. She shrugged and turned away, then pivoted back with lightsaber extended in a death blow. 

Years of honed instinct and a reflexive connection with the Force made it difficult to resist the urge to defend oneself, and Ben was not the exception. Her blade crackled against his sapphire, earlier despair hardening to fury. She smiled grimly. Ben also didn't want this to end. He wanted answers, as always, and wouldn't let her get away without giving it to him. 

Ben countered her every attack, fury limning every familiar parry and strike. It wasn't the vicious, all-out duel for blood they'd engaged in before, and certainly not the playful form practice from their distant youth. Reluctance stood between them now, even as the sparks off their blades marked each blow in the air. 

Kira was already exhausted. The days – had it been weeks? – since Hux's coup had worn her down to the bone, physically and mentally. Her strength, even bolstered by the guidance of the Force, was waning fast. She didn't have the energy to win this fight, let alone persuade him to leave her be. 

The idea, when it sprung into her mind, was horrible. But with her muscles trembling with each movement, it seemed the only option. 

He'd hate her. He'd never forgive her, or himself, but maybe it was the only way to end this, quick and clean. The alternative was dragging everyone down in the flaming wreckage of her pathetic life. 

It was so simple, just a flick of her thumb to disengage the sputtering lightsaber as she raised it against his defensive stroke. She didn't watch as the sapphire blade continued its trajectory, keeping her eyes fixed on the snarl curling Ben's lip. 

Heat bloomed in her abdomen, then came pain. She watched as the anger drained from his face, replaced with horror. Both lightsabers fell from loose grips, clattering unlit to the metal decking. 

Kira’s knees gave out. The jolt as she collided with the ground had her gasping. Wet warmth spread from the ragged hole in her side, but she didn't dare look. Her fingers clawed at the clammy cloth of her shirt. 

“Rey.” His voice cracked over that one syllable, as though it carried too much weight. “ _Rey_.” 

Death had been a frequent passing thought. But dying, that was different. There had been times when she thought she was dying, and maybe that had been true. She certainly hadn't been living. 

But now that she was really, truly dying, now that life had a definite time limit, she didn't take any second for granted. 

She memorized the warmth of Ben's palm wrapped behind her neck and his thumb pressed against her cheek. Studied the quiver of his lips and the twitch by his eye. Pondered the strength in his arms and the gentleness of his hands. How long had it been since he’d held her like this? The memory of a dark cave and twisting her ankle flickered in the back of her mind. His embrace had been warm then, too.

One of those hands held her side, over the wound, but it wasn't until his moss brown eyes slid closed in concentration that she felt the flow of power between them. 

It was too late, though, just as she had said earlier. The life was slipping away from her, dispersing into the vastness of the Force, her luminosity dimmed and lost in the grand web. 

They were fools, the pair of them. Had been, since the beginning. And that was how they were going to end. 

~---~

Salt water splattered across her face. 

Kira gasped. The clothing clinging to her shivering skin was soaked through, but confusion overwhelmed that observation. This wasn't like any afterlife she'd imagined, and neither did this seem like the dispersion of her consciousness in the Force. Each second was too real, too present, too... _wrong._

She sat up and cleared the damp strands of hair from her face, unaware of smearing her own blood across chilled skin. But her side... her side didn't hurt, even as she coughed and bent over. Numb fingers felt for the wound. 

It was gone, though the scorched hole in the cloth was not. Beneath, her fingertips slipped over unblemished skin. She lifted her eyes from the nonexistent injury, and that's when she saw him lying on his back beside her, unseeing gaze fixed on the gray sky, an arm across his body as though reaching for her. 

“Ben.” Her own voice sounded distant, so far from the hollowness carving into her chest. “Ben!” Curling her body over to shield him from the spray, she grasped his face in both hands. She fumbled for a pulse in his neck, a breath from his lips, but he was carved from ice, an unnatural pallor settled into his skin. 

“What have you done?” she groaned, but for once he didn't have an excuse or an apology or a plea to needle her guilty conscience. The thought _he's gone_ , flickered through her mind, but that was inconceivable, impossible, irreconcilable. 

Death was so much worse when you were in tune with the Force, and it became another way to perceive when the heart had slowed to stopping, the lungs had ceased to expand, the mind had fallen silent. It was empty, a black hole that didn't let her escape, no matter how hard she resisted the inevitable. 

“Ben, answer me!” 

His head merely lolled, an arm falling to the ground with a lifeless _thunk_. It was enough to send Kira scrambling away with an anguished scream that cracked the heavens. 

He was dead. He was dead because of her. He was dead because he saved her. He was dead because she wished for death, and she'd gotten it. 

The _Millennium Falcon_ waited for her, an anchor of familiarity in the midst of the waking nightmare. She fled from the shell of him, boots skidding on the ramp, and slammed into the wall. Slapping the control to seal the hatch, she staggered like a newborn fathier towards the cockpit. 

It was a blur, whether because of the tears obscuring her vision or the numbness in her fingers or the fixation of her thought, playing on a loop: the dead stare of once warm eyes. 

Shock was beginning to sink in and the _Falcon_ was in the exosphere when the scanners chimed an alert. Dragging unfocused eyes to the instrument, she took several moments to register what it said. 

It was the karking First Order fleet. 

Hux's entire division was strung out in a distant orbit of Endor, but they quickly rerouted towards the ocean moon, as though they knew where she was. Which, maybe they did. 

With shaking fingers, Kira powered down every system except for the bare minimum life support. The _Falcon_ drifted, continuing its slow orbit like any other natural satellite, undetectable at this distance. To pick up her individual heat signature, they'd have to be much, much closer. 

They didn't get nearer. Instead, they dipped towards the ocean moon’s surface. Squinting, she caught just the smallest black specks against the oxygen-rich blue atmosphere – trooper transports – as they ran towards the Death Star's wreckage. Or more likely, the TIE Whisper's wreckage. At this range, their scanners would pick up the TIE’s transponder and draw them down. How they'd tracked her here, though, she couldn't guess. 

Kira didn't dare reach out with the Force. Tirian, arrogant imbecile that he was, was likely a part of the hunt for her aboard one of those Destroyers, and he might sense her presence. The comms receiver, though, used minimal power. She knew the channels, the codes for decryption. 

The voices blaring from the speaker startled her after the complete silence. 

_TZ-34 squad reporting, landed on the wreckage. Squadron moving in to inspect the area._

_Proceed, TZ-34_

_First Order vessel, classified identifiers, located. No lifeforms._

_TZ-37 reporting, west northwest of the crash site, scanning the sector. May be picking a life signature._

_Proceed to investigate, TZ-37. Precautionary measures. Take any sentients into custody._

_Roger that._

_Returning to transport. Positive ID on prisoner._

A prisoner? Who else had been there with them? The planet was uninhabited, and certainly the Death Star wreckage was unlivable. Had someone come with Ben and disembarked before she found her way to the _Falcon_?

 _Relay positive ID on prisoner._

_Positive ID for Ben Solo. Securing prisoner aboard transport._

_Roger. All units, return to bay._

He was dead. She had seen it, the life gone from his body.

He had healed her, given up the last of his life force so that she could live. Right?

But now, now that her head was clearing, now that she wasn’t faced with his empty eyes and silent heart, she realized the place where they were joined in her mind, the bond, was not void.

He was still there, on the other end. Dormant, faint, almost imperceptible, but present.

She had kriffed up. 

She almost wished he was dead. This new guilt burned an acidic gut wrenching hollow. Jerking away from the comms panel, Kira dashed for the fresher and emptied her stomach in violent heaves. 

Hux had Ben. If the redheaded bastard didn't know who Ben was, Tirian would recognize him. Ben was weakened, helpless, still unconscious. Whatever designs Hux had – the beginnings of that train of thought caused her to retch again, pure bile painting her throat and tongue with fire. She spat into the sink, furiously wiping the stinging tears from her eyes, and glared at her reflection in the clouded mirror. 

Vader had told the truth. The Dark, it took everything, and once she'd begun the journey into darkness, there was no escaping the price. 

Ben liked to pretend that things were his fault, but this, she knew, was undoubtedly her doing. All the things she'd been running from for years, that she'd tried to deny and evade, had caught up with her, but Ben was paying the price. He didn't deserve that, not after what she'd done to him, what she'd tried to do. 

She'd have to begin to make things right. And that would require more pain, refracturing the bone so that it could set and heal properly. It would hurt, but she had no other choice. 

Kira pushed the hair, still damp with saltwater, back from her face. She was going to make this right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think??? 👀 I'd love to read your comments!
> 
> Next update is next year! Jan 3, 2021 CST


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Thanks goes to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for beta'ing!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

When they made it to the clearing, Poe was pissed to find that Ben had run off on the  _ Falcon  _ without them. But that was nothing compared to Silyana's wrath. 

“That damned fool!” she shouted. 

“You already knew he was an idiot,” Poe muttered, putting his hands in his pockets and scuffing the leaf litter under foot. 

“You!” She stomped towards him, kicking over the ashes of Kira's day-old fire, and stuck a finger in his face. “This is not the time for humor.” 

“Do you see me laughing?” He spread his arms out. “We're kriffing stranded on a forest moon with no comms and minimal supplies. I wanna strangle Ben for doing exactly what I trusted him  _ not _ to do!” 

Silyana scoffed. “Yes, strangling someone who isn’t here is a viable plan to remedy our situation. Well done.” 

Toe to toe, he had the advantage of height, but the desperate, hard look in her icy eyes easily cut him down to size. He resisted the urge to step back. Finn stood to the side, tense, ready to jump to his aid. 

“I don't see you coming up with a plan,” he challenged. “We've been here for hours. It's almost dark.” 

“Thank you for that  _ very _ astute observation, Dameron.” 

Chewbacca barked at them sharply. Finn cleared his throat. 

“He's right, we need to make camp, start a fire.” 

“Ah, yet another genius in our midst.” 

Finn crossed his arms. “Watch yourself, Ren. I recognize my limitations, but I still will expect some respect.” 

She stared at him, then nodded. “Fine, on probation. Since you asked. You!” She turned back to Poe. “Start a fire.” 

He spluttered, but whatever retort he'd started on was interrupted by the sound of sublight engines – the  _ Falcon's _ engines. Their heads swiveled towards the sound and Chewie raised his bowcaster. Following suit, Poe fingered the blaster at his hip. Silyana, on the other hand, had gone rigid, and he reached for her too, afraid of what she'd do when she saw Ben. 

In the spare minutes it took the  _ Falcon _ to settle on the grass, Poe had prepared a scathing speech. He would be third in line, for sure, after Silyana and Chewie, but he had some choice thoughts to share with the impulsive git that'd marooned them. 

It wasn't Ben. 

All those words evaporated when a thin, pale woman wearing tattered, dirty robes descended the ramp. Poe's thoughts stuttered for a moment, but he knew who it was, even if he didn't recognize her. Silyana's reaction alone was enough confirmation. 

He hadn't seen her without her mask, not since she was a girl named Rey. While Kira Ren's helm haunted some of his darker nightmares, her bare face frightened him more. The years of pain and misery were etched with simmering anger on pinched features, from the scar spanning her cheek to the exhaustion lining her mouth. Her eyes, though, carried so much burning emotion it was impossible to hold her gaze. It reminded him of a trapped animal, unpredictable, bound to its instinct to survive. 

Silyana's voice rang through the dusk. “Where's Ben?” 

Kira Ren's face twisted as though she tasted something bitter. Poe, despite himself, took a step backwards. 

“What did you do?” Silyana demanded. 

Kira barked a laugh. Poe was startled by the clear ringing sound of her natural voice, undistorted by the vocoder. “Finally. Asking the real question.  _ What did I do? _ ” 

“I think it's a fair question this time,” Silyana replied with a hint of a snarl. “He's not on board. Where. Is he?” 

Kira Ren’s eye twitched. “I thought your trust was stronger than that.” 

“Don't patronize me. If you weren't so obsessed with yourself and looked around for once in your karking life you'd know exactly how much I sacrificed for you.” 

“I didn't ask you to do that.” 

“Yeah, and I kriffing did it anyway.” 

Kira Ren's face, already gray with exhaustion, hardened to stone. “I need your help.” 

Poe was certain he heard that wrong. Finn stiffened and gripped his blaster with bloodless fingers. Chewie, on the other hand, relaxed his shoulders. Poe tried to snatch Silyana's sleeve, but she prowled forward, everything about the movement like a loth wolf with hackles raised. 

“You  _ what _ now?” 

Kira Ren was too tired to rise to SIlyana's bait. “I need help.” 

She hissed. “I'll ask for the last kriffing time. What happened?” 

“Hux has taken Ben.” 

“Ah.” Silyana's laugh was mean, the snap of a rubber band on skin. “So that's how it is.” 

Finn had been making a slow but steady retreat towards the tree line, and Poe was with him, the need for distance between what was rapidly devolving into an uncomfortably volatile and personal confrontation pushing him back. 

“Ben is weakened. He'll be unable to defend himself.” 

“And why might that be?” Silyana snarked in a sing-song voice. “Surely you didn't hurt your precious Ben. Oh, no.” Her tone meandered darker and darker. “Not after he risked everything to come to your aid, dragging along these helpless idiots and risking their lives because you're a karking psycho with no loyalties to anyone, not even the one who stayed with you in spite of all your shit!” Spittle flew from her lips and landed on Kira Ren’s frozen face. 

“Silyana,” Poe tried, his voice faint. She didn't even glance at him, a hand flicking his way and sending him staggering with a pulse from the Force. 

Kira wiped her face tiredly. “Ben has failings, as have I, but there's no margin for error. Not with this.” 

Silyana made a sound of disbelief. “You realize when I was talking about someone who stuck with you, I was talking about  _ me _ .” 

Kira pressed her lips together, shoulders drawing back. 

“Un-kriffing-believable.” 

He'd never seen Silyana so enraged, so close to losing self-control, voice quivering with hysterical fury. Though he wanted to do something, anything to help, the flash of memory from his previous encounter with Kira Ren made his limbs tremble and sweat trickle down his back.

This was going to end badly. 

“Did you even try to reach me when Hux pulled his little stunt? Or did you assume I'd turned on you too?” Silyana asked, her words almost a whisper.

The silence was deafening. 

“I could kill you.” Wind picked up, blowing tendrils of platinum hair out of her braid. The rage girding her voice made the hair stand up on Poe's arms. Blue sparks dance around her knuckles. “I could kill you right here, right now.” 

“That would be fair enough.” 

“No,” Silyana snarled, “no, you don't get to be all aloof and hide behind your stupid emotionaless mask. Not after everything I did for you. How I stood by you, even while you worked so hard to destroy yourself, and take me down with you.” 

“That was your choice,” Kira observed. 

“Yeah, and it was a stupid choice. All that, and you don't give a womprat's ass about any of it.” 

Chewie put a hand on Finn and Poe's shoulder and drew them back behind the treeline. Poe spared him a glance. Chewbacca's gaze was calm but keen, though his fortitude in the face of the one-sided screaming match did nothing for Poe's shot nerves. 

“It's really no surprise that you left Ben to Hux, not after how you treated me like dirt.” 

Blue snaps of lightning writhed around Silyana’s forearms. Poe remembered her story of how Rey had fallen to the Dark Side, how Ben had succumbed to his own inner darkness, even bits and pieces of how Anakin Skywalker had become Darth Vader. Was he watching yet another one fall? 

He didn't want to lose her. It struck him like one of the lightning bolts  winding around her hands like electric snakes . 

It was ridiculous to be so attached to someone after what was essentially a one-night stand. Well, that and a narrow escape from the First Order. He didn't even know if she felt anything for him other than physical attraction. 

But he  _ liked _ her. Liked her sharp tongue and her cunning mind, her discerning honesty and her hidden kindness. Her power was extraneous to her ability to put him in his place, yet somehow not put him down. She wasn't perfect, but neither was he, and the thick feeling in his chest forced him to hope she'd give him a chance anyway. 

Kira didn't flinch when Silyana advanced to stand so close they almost touched, prickles of electricity reaching out to snare. 

“I want you to say exactly what you mean, what you want from me for once in your damn life,” Silyana spat. 

Kira rolled her shoulders back. “I don't want anything from you.” 

“You just said you wanted my help.” 

“I need your help, I don't want it.” 

“You and your kriffing word games again.” Silyana shoved her back, not unlike a child on a playground, if not for the arcs of electricity that curled around her. Kira was sent reeling, her elbow cracking against the ramp. “You're too much like Ben. No wonder he's the only one you gave two shits about.” 

And with that, she spun away and stormed into the forest. Poe took a moment for her abrupt departure to register, but then he made to follow with a determined set to his jaw. 

Before he could get far, Finn grabbed him by the shirt and pushed his back into a tree. Poe didn't miss the way Finn flinched with the jolt to his bad shoulder, but he held him fast. Chewie grunted and lumbered towards the  _ Falcon _ and Kira. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Finn demanded, glaring at him. 

“I'm gonna talk to her. If we don't intervene, they're gonna kill each other.” 

“Yeah, maybe. Problem solved.” 

Bark dug into his back, sure to leave bruises. “No. No, we'll lose Ben.” 

“We'll find him on our own. We've done it before.” 

“No.” Poe tried to push him off, but all he gained was a better idea of how solid Finn's chest was. “No, we have to do something.” 

Finn narrowed his eyes and glanced at Chewie, who was standing over a hunched Kira Ren. “Yeah, we need to figure out what's going on.” 

“Chewie's fine. Even Silyana's afraid of him.” 

“We still need a strategy.” 

Poe wriggled free. “I'll leave that to you. Battlefield tactics, and all.” 

Finn snatched his elbow. “What's going on with you?” 

“I told you, it's dark out, I need to find Silyana –” 

“Why? I'm not stupid, Poe. My childhood was unusual, but I'm not a monk. She's more than a contact you made on Cantonica, isn't she?” 

“Fine, yes, we slept together, but it's not like that.” 

Finn let him go with a scoff. “For Force sake.” He swept a hand over his hair and groaned. “Hurry back.” Poe caught the unease in his tone, the way he flexed his stiff shoulder. “Kira Ren may seem weakened, but she's not.” 

Poe was off like a shot, using the last light to avoid tripping over roots. 

She hadn't gone far, and he sighed in relief that electricity no longer sparked over her form. Still, when she whirled to face him, he flinched. 

“Silyana?” 

The wrath drained from her face, replaced by mirth. “Your face!” A laugh burbled over her lips. “I've never seen you so frightened.” More cackles, which quickly devolved into tears. “Damn it, Poe. Why'd you follow me?” 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Her chuckles choked on a sob hiccuping up her throat. “And? What did you determine?” 

“Um, no?” 

She covered her eyes to hide the tears, but her lips still pulled on a smile. “You had that same face from the hotel room, when you figured out who I was. Good to know I still strike fear in your heart.” 

“I thought you were gonna murder me.” 

Silyana dropped her hand and fixed him with a stern look. “I thought we were past that. Like I have to keep reminding everyone, I'm not a karking Sith.” 

Poe shifted his feet. “To be honest both Sith and Jedi are pretty intimidating when you have no sense for the Force. All they have to do is pinch an artery with their  _ feelings _ and it's lights out.” 

“Fair enough.” She wiped her nose on a sleeve and pushed back the wayward strands of hair. “I’m not a Jedi or a Sith, though. Just a human, and I can get pissed off sometimes. Doesn't mean I'm homicidal.” 

“Yeah, well, you seem more than pissed off.” 

“What gave it away?” 

After a brief hesitation, Poe took a step forward, then another. Watching with narrowed eyes, she didn't resist when he raised his arms and pulled her into an embrace. 

“This feels out of character,” she said into his shoulder. 

“Oh, it is.” 

She relaxed infinitesimally into his hold. “I see.” 

“Yes. Usually, I'm very suave and sexy. Comfy and cuddly is not on brand for me.” 

"Hmm.” She sighed, then pulled back. “It's weird.” 

“I'd prefer more specific, constructive feedback on the hug. For next time.” 

She snorted, wiping her nose on the scrap of cloth he offered. “Your attempts at distraction are appreciated, but that doesn't change the fact that Kira is an asshole.” Catching the look on his face, Silyana rolled her eyes. “Okay, I know from your perspective that has always been obvious, but apparently I still had some misguided hope.” 

Poe grimaced. The memory of Kira Ren clawing into his mind had him biting his tongue until he tasted copper. And now she was here, less than a click away, asking for  _ help? _ It was incomprehensible, but then, so had everything been since that mission to Canto Bight, maybe even before that. 

“She's not going to touch you.” She squeezed his arm. “I'll make sure of it.” 

He forced the worry lines in his forehead to smooth, even if his gut churned with uncertainty. “I don't think she's the same as she once was.” 

“Who is? We've all lived through some shit. Tends to change a person.” 

“Yeah, but I'm worried it's not for the better. Some people only get worse.” 

Silyana's eyes gleamed, maybe from the remnant of tears or maybe the light of frustration. “Don't make me defend her. Not when I want to wring her scrawny neck.” 

Poe waved a dismissive hand. “I won't stop you.” 

“For Force's sake.” She slapped half-dried tears from her face. “I thought she at least kriffing respected me, even if she didn't care for me. But no, turns out I'm a sucker who threw away the last decade or so for a sociopath.” 

“I don't know what to say to that.” He rubbed his forearm, back rigid. "I feel like you're searching for justification or reasoning, but I'm still hoping you'll just strangle her.” 

“I told you not to make me defend her,” she growled. 

“Well, don't.” 

“We don't get to decide where to draw the line.” 

“Then who does? When do we open the airlock?” 

“It karking sucks, alright? But I'm her friend, even if she isn't mine. I decided that a long time ago, knowing I might not get anything back, and I'm paying for it.” 

A muscle jumps in his jaw. “Why? Why the kriff would you do that? You said it yourself, she's a kriffing sociopath, a mass murderer, leader of an oppressive regime, not to mention selfish.” 

“I'm glad you've decided to be honest with your opinions.” 

He scoffed. “I've never pretended to be okay with the fact that you worked with her.” 

“No, you've just ignored it. Why?” 

“It's - it's irrelevant” 

She grinned viciously. “Why do you trust me?” 

“Dunno. Just an instinct, I guess.” 

“No, I mean really. Why?” 

Poe froze. “It's different.” 

“No, it's not. It's not at all.” She ticked them off on her fingers. “Selfish. Murderer. Sociopath. I've been called all of these things. I know you’ve thought the same.” 

“I -” 

“You’ve got to make up your mind, Poe. Where are  _ you _ going to draw the line? Because if you trust me, and I trust Kira – at least about Ben – then something's got to give.” 

“She did something to him, though. She came back on the  _ Falcon _ without him." 

With a snort, Silyana rolled her shoulders back. "Emotionally they can destroy each other all day long. But irreversible damage, that's a little more than they're capable of.” 

“He gave her the scar.” 

“Eh, think of it as their version of a love bite.” 

“Holy shit, woman. Gross.”

“We'll find Ben.” Her arms snaked around his middle, pulling him flush with her. “But we'd find him faster with her help.” 

He sighed. “I'm really not that desperate.” 

“Hux has Ben.” 

He winced, then sighed. His palm settled on her neck, thumb brushing her cheek. “We need to know how that happened. This could be an elaborate set up.” 

She shook her head. “No. She's always been too earnest when it comes to him.” 

“Well, kriff.” 

“You don't have to help.” She leaned away from him. 

“I'm not letting you go off half-assed with kriffing Kira Ren.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “You don't  _ let _ me do anything.” 

Sighing, his gaze dropped to her mouth, which was pulled into a thin line. “That's not what I meant. I meant, if we're doing this, we're being smart about it. Calling in all our resources, planning our strategies, covering every possibility.” 

“Sounds tedious,” she whispered, standing on tiptoe and taking his lower lip between hers. He choked back a surprised sound, hands sliding up her back, but she pulled away. “You've gotten wise in your old age, Poe Dameron.” 

“I'm not losing anyone.” Resisting the urge to lick the tears from her face, knowing they didn't have time for where  _ that  _ could lead, he pressed his mouth to hers in a brief kiss. “I refuse.” 

She grinned and patted his cheek. “Oh, sweet boy. You can't control who you lose, but this is growth.” Her eyes followed as her hand drifted to his chest and she yanked it away. “How are you so damn distracting? It's obnoxious.” 

He smirked. “It often works in my favor.” 

“I shouldn't like you as much as I do.” 

A giddiness bubbled up in his stomach despite the hovering anxiety about their situation. She  _ liked _ him. Poe, who always had a comeback, stuttered over his words. 

“You - you do? You like me?” 

“Oh, for Force sake.” She rolled her eyes. “Now is not the time for this conversation.” 

Poe waited for the quip that always seemed to follow, but instead she stiffened and her stare fixed on a point somewhere beyond him, hands clamping on his wrists where they held her waist.

“Silyana? Is something wrong?”

With a jolt, she withdrew and returned his concerned gaze with a grim look. “We’re being watched. We need to move.”

“We’re being watched?” he exclaimed, trying to catch her hand, but she was already headed back to the  _ Falcon _ .

“For Force’s sake, calm down and let’s get a move on, Dameron!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update January 17 CST. Meanwhile, leave me a kudos and comments to share what you think!!!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay... life goes on. 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Swearing under her breath, Silyana stalked over the carpet of evergreen needles towards the  _ Falcon.  _ The trees were darker shades of night as __ Poe trailed her, his lingering anxiety raising the hair on her arms. His face when she'd whirled on him – she winced recalling it. She wished hadn't earned that look, but that was categorically false. He was equally afraid of Jedi, Sith, anyone in between, and he should be. The Force was an insane advantage to those who wielded it, and she'd gloried in that advantage her entire life. 

Leave it to Poe to make her feel  _ guilty  _ for being superior in combat. 

Force sensitives bleed red like everyone else, they could be hurt just like anyone else. How did she tell him that she was still a fallible human without being condescending? 

That had become starkly apparent when Kira showed herself to truly be the cold-hearted bitch Silyana had denied for so long. It was a mistake, letting Kira have a hold over her when she'd given nothing in return for Silyana's years of loyalty. Now she was on the verge of giving Poe the same privileges for just being nice. Well, more than nice. 

Also, when the karking hell did she care so much about a Resistance pilot's feelings? The sex wasn't  _ that  _ good. He shouldn't trust her, let alone  _ like  _ her, but it seemed that he did. He should hate her; she'd earned it. But he liked her anyway and, as much as it made her squirm, he cared for her too. Maybe that's what drew them together, the impossibility, the in spite of. 

She shouldn't have laughed at his fear. His trauma, trauma at the hands of Kira Ren, was aggravated by her appearance, visible in the white rims of his eyes and the defensive jerk of his muscles. Silyana hadn't participated in his interrogation on the  _ Finalizer _ , but she might as well have. When she turned on him just now, the fog of fear he exuded was noxious. From anyone else, it was addictive and empowering. With Poe, it was a slap in the face. All because she'd wasted her life on Kira, who didn't give two shits about her. Hot rage frothed in her gut. 

As they approached the clearing, a twig snapped under her boot and a very tense Finn pivoted, blaster rifle raised and primed with a swiftness born of a lifetime of drills. It sent a shot of some twisted version of homesickness through Silyana, the familiar motions of a thousand stormtroopers before things became more infinitely more complicated. Damn if she didn't want things to be more comfortable. 

“It's us,” Poe yelped. “Just us.” 

“Oh, thank the stars,” Finn breathed. “What are we going to do about her?” 

“Excellent question,” Silyana said, glancing beyond him where Chewbacca was with Kira, circling the ship, talking in quiet murmurs. “I'm more impressed by you all the time, trooper. Although, it would be nice if you could point that somewhere else?” 

Finn grunted, not about to apologize, but dropped the rifle's muzzle towards the ground. 

“Did you find out anything? Has anything happened?” Poe asked, trying to peer into the dark clearing. Only the  _ Falcon's _ running lights provided illumination. 

“No. Nothing,” Finn said 

Silyana glowered at the freighter. “Brace yourself, boys, the ugliness is not over yet.” 

“Wait, we should talk about this –” Finn's words didn't give her pause as she marched forward. 

“We're going to get Ben back,” Poe assured, and followed her.

“You there. The ungrateful wretch,” Silyana called, the hot anger knotted in her stomach flaring out through her limbs and up her throat as Kira turned towards her. “Sadly, we still have things to discuss.” 

“Yes, we do.” Kira Ren stepped from shadow into a yellowed running light in the  _ Falcon _ 's underbelly. “This.” 

She tossed a spherical object, glinting in the darkness, that Silyana caught with lazy ease. Inspecting the sphere's worn surface, she raised an eyebrow. “This is a First Order tracker. Are you saying you were followed here?” 

“No.” Her eyes were dark hallows, the corners of her mouth dragged down into an exaggerated frown by shadows. “I'm saying you all were followed here.” 

Silyana went rigid, though Kira's face remained a caricature of weariness. The explosion of expletives from Silyana caused Poe and Finn to stiffen behind her, but she was beyond concerns for their comfort. They had taken precautions to avoid surveillance, stopping only on Hoth to refuel. Silyana glared at the tracker. 

Chewbacca came up beside Kira and growled, saying the rest of the ship was clear. Just one tracker, but it had been enough. 

“Poe,” Silyana snapped. “Hoth. Notice anything?” 

“On Hoth? I – no, just ice.” 

“Damn fuzzy parka hoods,” Silyana fumed. “No peripheral vision. Anybody could've walked up and slapped a tracker on the hull. I knew I should have handled refueling myself.” 

“I didn't –” 

Silyana sliced a hand through the air. “It's not your fault.” 

“No, it's not.” 

Silyana's head whipped to Kira, and for the briefest moment, Silyana caught a glimmer of remorse in her empty eyes. 

“You stopped on Hoth?” Kira said. 

“Yes.” 

“So did I.” Her expression becomes even more severe, if possible. “I apparently attracted attention in time for your arrival.” 

Silyana stared, then crumpled the tracker in her fist like it was paper and dropped it to the ground. “You couldn't have set him up better if you tried.” 

Kira flinched, or so it seemed, but was the Master of the Knights of Ren capable of flinching? Everything that had happened so far was surreal, like watching a holofilm in a darkened theater, the night thick and still over the trees. 

“Do you see now why I ask for your help?” 

“Yes. Yes, I do. Because you're a kriffing idiot. So.” Silyana straightened. “Terms. If this isn't going to be a shitshow like everything else you've done, there are going to be rules. Number one: you're not kriffing in charge of anything. Your opinion on any plan is irrelevant.” 

“Excellent.” The word dropped from Kira's lips like lead, without tone. Silyana narrowed her eyes. 

“Second, you're going to comply to any group decisions, no questions asked.” 

An apathetic stare in response. 

“I think that covers the basics.” She crossed her arms. “Everything else is a subpoint. Any questions?” 

“None.” 

A frisson of rage raced up her spine. She wanted to hit something. Snarl, maybe. “Good. Great. Excellent.” 

“I'm going to rest. If any of you would rather kill me than have me accompany you to rescue Ben, that would be an ideal time.” 

From behind her, Poe let out an incredulous scoff and then grunted when Finn elbowed him, hard. Kira's empty eyes shifted to the men and rested on them like a dead limb. 

“The offer is sincere,” she continued, “but I doubt any of you will take advantage of it.” 

The silence spoke for itself. Her gaze fixed on them one at a time. “Poe Dameron. FN-2187. Silyana Ren.” 

Silyana bared her teeth, but Kira boarded the ship with Chewbacca following behind, bowcaster resting in the cradle of his arms. It took everything in her not to summon the Dark again, to reach out and shake Kira like a ragdoll. Instead, she swallowed the rage and let it sink heavy in her gut. 

~---~

For several minutes after Kira Ren and Chewie left, Finn looked to Poe and rubbed his aching shoulder, waiting for some indication of how to proceed. Silyana quivered with rage half way into the clearing, and after her little pyrotechnics show earlier, he was uninterested in seeing her explode. The  _ Falcon  _ promised warmth for the night, if not safety, but he had no desire to go aboard by himself. Instead, Finn waited for someone to break the silence. 

Poe obliged. 

“She's gonna take the ship,” he drawled. 

“Not without us on it, too. She needs  _ help _ , remember?” Silyana said. “And we've gotta sleep somewhere, since no one started a fire...” 

“We're back to this again?” Finn exclaimed, his muscles about to come unraveled from tension. “We have kriffing Kira Ren taking a nap on the  _ Falcon _ , and you both are back to some weird kind of foreplay argument about lighting a fire from before all this shit blew up in our face!” 

Silyana leveled Poe with an unimpressed stare. “You told him about us.” He nodded. “Timing.  _ Timing,  _ Poe.” 

“Sorry, I thought he deserved some context.” 

“Which I appreciate, because there's enough unknown pasts and secret motivations in our group for a couple dozen sentients,” Finn snapped, stress running off his tongue like a flood. 

On Jakku, in Tuanul, Kira Ren had simply  _ looked _ at him and he was unable to even think. Poe was paralyzed and worse by a gesture of her hand. And the stories – if the Knights of Ren were the monster under your bed, Kira Ren was the demon come alive in the daylight. 

He'd come on this quest because he could be the rational one. It certainly wasn't Kylo; though Finn loved the guy, his judgment was romantically clouded when it came to the ousted Supreme Leader. Poe had grown a lot since their last mission, but now he'd confessed that he slept with Silyana, and she was about as trustworthy as a Hutt. Chewie at least had sense, but it wasn't enough to temper the emotional, tempestuous mess that made up the rest of their team. If they were going to capture Kira Ren, Finn was ready to keep everything from going off the rails. 

Or, at least, he thought he had been. 

That was before Ben ran off with their only means of transportation and communication, and then those means were returned to them by Kira Ren herself.

How had things once again managed to go so, so wrong? 

“Welcome to the lives of the fated,” Silyana said with a smirk. “Those lucky few who the Force decides to put through the wringer.” 

“That's not a thing,” Finn objected. 

She grinned. “Oh, I assure you, it is.” 

“I'm not a Jedi.” 

“Thank the stars for that. The Force still has a hand in your life, though. Don't worry though, it's not intentionally malicious.” 

Finn glowered. “Thanks.” He turned to Poe. “You can't be okay with this.” 

“I'm not.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But if she helps us find Ben –” 

“Who even says we're finding Kylo?” Finn protested. 

They stared. He crossed his arms. 

“Yes, I realize how that sounds, but we haven't checked in with the Resistance. We can't go rogue, not when we have a compromised team and no intel to work with. Connix is probably having a fit.” 

“Connix?” Poe said, like he'd forgotten the name. 

Silyana sighed dramatically, raking fingers through her hair back and holding it back. “As much as I absolutely despise coordinating with literally anyone except when it comes to certain amorous activities –” Poe flushed deep red and Finn's stomach heaved “– Finn is right and we have to bring the Resistance in on this.” 

“What is happening?” Poe said. “Why are you agreeing with him?” 

“Do you not agree?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It'd make things insanely complicated.” 

“Too late for that,” Finn grumbled. His fingers pushed on his temples, trying to massage away a burgeoning headache. 

“True. Alright, fine, we loop in Connix.” 

“I'll do it,” Finn volunteered. It would feel good to do something concrete, productive. 

“Okay, great,” Silyana said. “I need to find something inconsequential and without a consciousness to thoroughly destroy.” 

“Um,” Poe began, but she fixed him with a steady glare. “Okay, have fun.” 

“Oh, guaranteed. Don't wait up.” She stalked back into the forest, shoulders crawling with tension. 

“Is that safe?” Finn asked. The shadows swallowed her without a sound, but he was sure that the trees were not empty. 

“I don't think she cares if it's safe,” Poe sighed. “She's fine.” 

“I'll trust your judgement on that one.” 

“Thanks for not freaking out on us.” 

“Oh, I'm not freaking out on the outside. Inside is a different story.” He turned to the  _ Falcon, _ which waited still and innocuous with ramp lowered, a warm glow emanating from its interior.  _ She  _ was on board. That was the goal of the mission, of course, to retrieve Kira Ren, but Kylo was supposed to be here, to manage the situation. Even though Finn recognized Kylo's judgment was slightly impaired, Finn trusted him to keep the rest of their team safe. Silyana was an unknown variable in all this, especially now that Poe let slip the actual nature of their relationship. 

Finn started to take a step towards the  _ Falcon _ , but his spine stiffened and his lungs seized and he found himself still lingering inside the tree line, rubbing his aching shoulder. 

Everything in him screamed that Kira Ren was incalculably dangerous. It was a trap. She was toying with them, but why, when she could demolish them without breaking a sweat? What was her endgame? The uncertainty made his heart race, curled his fingers around the blaster's safety. 

It was quiet on board. Each of his footsteps on the floor panels was like a grenade going off as he crept towards the main hold. Chewie was nowhere to be seen – maybe he was giving her the captain's quarters? 

Oh,  _ hell  _ no. 

Finn shied away from the figure curled on the lounge seat with thick blankets up to her neck. 

Poe snagged his elbow. “Steady, soldier.” 

Incredibly, she was asleep already. If he didn't know better, he'd think he was looking at a corpse, the pallor of her skin, the bruised hallows around her eyes. 

“This is not okay,” Finn hissed, keeping her fixed in his sight. She stirred, a grimace crossing her face, and both men tensed. 

“It's not okay, but it's manageable,” Poe said, although to himself or Finn he wasn't sure. 

“Stay calm,” Finn muttered. 

“I am calm,” he said. 

“I'm talking to myself,” he retorted. 

“Alright, well, comms system this way.” 

Connix answered their signal in record time, the wavy lines of the hologram settling into a very exasperated Resistance Commander. Their news did nothing to alleviate her worry.

“This is... suboptimal,” she offered. 

“Yup,” Poe said, popping the P, slumping further into the copilot’s seat. 

“And Silyana Ren? What's her take on all this?” 

“She's upset,” Finn said mildly. 

“So, enraged,” Connix amended. 

Poe chuckled dryly. “She's cooling off somewhere, but she wanted us to contact you. She's with us, in whatever this mess is.” 

“Well, there's that, at least.” Another sigh. “Does anyone have an idea of where they've taken Ben?” 

“No.” 

“No? None?” 

Finn's frown deepened. “No.” 

“Well, that would be the first step. I assume you'd all like to retrieve him?” 

The men exchanged a glance. “We were waiting for you,” Finn said. 

“Oh. That’s a nice improvement.” She stared off to the side for a moment. “I'll look into it on my end. But if you discover anything, contact me first.” 

“Yes, Commander.” 

She drummed her fingers on her thigh before saying, “Get the First Order channels and codes from Kira Ren.” Her smile was grim. “It'll be the first test of her cooperation.” 

“Yes, Commander.” 

“Good. May the Force be with you.” 

Finn blinked away the afterimage of Connix's holo and turned to Poe. “I'm not getting the codes from her.” 

“Don't look at me.” Poe shuddered. “I think Silyana will be more than happy to interrogate her. Interview, whatever.” 

Finn groaned. “When did it come to this.” 

~---~

BB-8 was a great helper, eager and cheerful, but much like his owner, he was easily distractible. 

“Beebee? Where'd you go?” Rose called. Her boots kicked through the fronds that constantly grew over every trail on the Resistance base, no matter how much traffic passed through. The humidity and sweat made her shirt stick to her back in a perpetually uncomfortable way. Not for the first time, she wished the Resistance had chosen to set up camp on a less wet planet. 

BB-8 burst out of the undergrowth with a squeal, sending a pair of native avians flapping away and squawking indignantly, iridescent feathers glinting. 

“Some time you're going to fall into one of the canyons and nobody will know where you are,” she chided. BB-8 whistled and beeped, assuring her that he had gotten into worse scrapes and made it out okay. 

“I know you have, but that doesn't mean you can be reckless. We need your help on the project so you can't be getting lost in the jungle.” 

BB-8 whined, rolling back and forth. 

“I'm sure Poe will be back soon enough, and then you can go off and get shot at and nearly die all you want. Now come on, we gotta find Archex.” 

Sticking obediently to her heels, BB-8 followed her to the mess hall. Lunch was mostly over, but Archex still lingered at a table. Rose sat on the bench across from him and unthinkingly put her elbows on the table, cringing at the sticky mess of spilled juice and bread crumbs. 

“Hello, Rose,” Archex said, chewing stoically on the rind of whatever meat-substitute-of-the-week the kitchen was serving. The gurgle in Rose's stomach was definitely nausea, not hunger. 

“I'd ask if you enjoyed your meal, but that's unlikely.” 

“You'll be disappointed yet pleased to know that Resistance meals are better than First Order rations.” 

“Huh.” She tried to imagine food that was less appealing, but it didn't entice her to eat today's special. 

“What's the next move?” he asked, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. “We've got the message out, we've recruited more legions. We'll lose momentum if we don't make a move.” 

“I know.” Rose frowned. “I have a meeting with Connix today to discuss the next steps.” 

“The meeting got moved up.” The commander swung a leg over the bench. “There's been an update from your friends.” 

Rose stiffened. They had to be alright. They promised, all of them. Even Poe. 

“I know what you're doing is vital, but we're in a place where we can safely put it on hold,” Connix said.

“What happened? Are they alright?” 

Connix glanced around, but the mess was empty, except for a few cleaning droids. “This is highly classified. As is almost everything around here.” She paused. “They're fine, relatively. Their mission was to retrieve Kira Ren.” 

Rose gaped at her. “You sent them to die!” 

“No. No, I didn't.” 

“Then why did you say they are  _ relatively _ fine?” 

Connix sighed. “The First Order has Ben Solo.” 

A confusing wave of nausea and numbness swept over her. This was what she'd been afraid of. 

“Rose?” Archex touched her hands, and she pulled them back. 

“No.” 

“Rose. We're already working on how to recover him,” Connix said. 

“It's too late.” 

“It's too late to prevent it, yes, but maybe not too late to pick up the pieces. We have a source that may be willing to give us more, but in order to figure out where he's being held, we'll need you to hack into the Order's servers.” 

Her fingers twisted together in her lap. 

“I want to join them on their quest.” 

“That's not an option.” 

“What do you mean? You have Finn and you have Archex. My part is done. To find Ben I'm not going to work remotely. Not on something this important.” 

Connix ran a hand across her forehead. “Fine. I'll consider it. Just considering, though, so don't get too attached to the idea.” 

“I'm not.” 

After Connix went to raid the kitchens, Archex raised his eyebrows. “You're already attached to the idea.” 

Rose hummed noncommittally. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to post every two weeks from here on out, but no guarantees obviously lol. Anyway leave a comment with thoughts on this chapter!
> 
> Next update (fingers crossed) February 7


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, beta credit goes to the wonderful [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) 😊
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The blanket scratched Kira’s cheek, but even aside from the roughness of her swaddling, Kira couldn't find sleep. 

Bones under tight stretched skin groaned with fatigue. Her thoughts, on the other hand, trudged through a blurry cycle, only half-coherent. Mind reeling, thoughts too hot, then spinning into cold and dizzying depths. The only thing that kept her mind from snapping was the silky glide of the Naboo pearl on her fingertips. 

She'd forgotten the pearl's journey from when he'd given it to her on her sixteenth birthday, back at Luke's Academy on Alaris Prime. It was a miracle that after everything, it had come back to her - that  _ Ben _ had come back to her, when she claimed it from his possessions after intake aboard the  _ Finalizer _ . It was the remnant of a past life, a memento of a lost childhood. If she was who she'd claimed to be just a few weeks ago, she should have thrown it away. Instead, it was the only thing keeping her from running into the woods screaming until her legs and voice gave out. 

“By rest I assumed you meant taking a nap. Not worrying yourself to death.” 

Kira stiffened, then rolled over and sat up, knowing that no matter how deliberately her movements, the rumpled hair and messy blankets made her look like a child. Silyana stood in the doorway, the rage in her eyes only slightly subdued. Kira relaxed. Not that she had any dignity left, but the humiliation was thorough enough without the former stormtrooper seeing pillow creases on her face. 

“You still have that thing?” Silyana indicated the trinket.

Her fingers were shaking from exhaustion, fumbling it. The pearl hit the floor with a click and rolled towards a grate before Silyana lifted it with a thought and sent it floating back into Kira's palm. 

“You should be more careful with it,” she chided, quirking an eyebrow. 

Kira stuffed it into an inner pocket. “It's been a while. I assume none of your friends are going to assassinate me.” 

“Okay, two criticisms on that last statement. One, you can only assassinate people for political purposes, not personal revenge. That's just good old-fashioned murder. Second, they're not my  _ friends _ . I don't have friends.” 

There was a long pause in which the two women barely dared to breath, until Kira sighed.

“I see.” 

“So. We need whatever information you have on the First Order's communications. I've already given them what I know.” 

“I don't know much more than you.” 

“You say that like we were tight when Hux decided to act out like the whiny daddy's boy he is,” then quieter, “There's a lot you were keeping from me.” 

Kira grunted. 

“You have no idea where they took him? No inkling? Nothing?” Her voice grew shrill, accusing. 

Jaw tightening, she glared at the opposite wall, wiping a wisp of dark hair behind an ear. “He's still not awake. He's alive, but otherwise the bond is silent.” A pause. “He did tell you about the bond, yes?” 

“Mmm hmm.” Silyana tapped her foot impatiently.

“If I focus on it, I should sense his emotions on the other side, maybe even scraps of thought. But there's a fog between us.” An idea struck her, and she met Silyana's eyes. “They're drugging him.” 

“Huh. Well, Hux has finally gained an inkling of intelligence.” Silyana flipped her braid over her shoulder. “Which, admittedly, is a bit disappointing for purposes of obliterating his pasty ass.” 

“I won't be able to glean anything of his location if he is sedated. I'd only have a better sense of him if our proximity was closer.” 

“That's not helpful.” 

Kira's gaze dropped to the floor. “Hux must have learned of Ben's significance to me.” 

Silyana face twisted. “Ah, is that what the kids are calling it these days?  _ Significant _ .” 

“Why else would the First Order pick him up, rather than leave him for dead?” 

She let out an amused scoff. “On death's door, was he?” 

“I thought he was already dead.” 

Silyana crossed her arms, hip cocked. “What do you mean you ‘thought’? You should know, yes or no.” 

“The bond was... empty. Even before we learned to recognize it, it never ever felt like that.” She shuddered it, remembering the gaping vacuum where he once existed. “I felt him slip away.” 

“What happened?” 

Kira ground her teeth. If this is what humility was, it never seemed to end. “I... let him kill me.” 

Silyana's eyebrows shot up, sucking in a breath. 

“I gave up and let him strike me in our duel.” 

“Of course, you were dueling,” she muttered, scowling and rolling her eyes. 

“I was dying, bleeding out, and instead of letting me go,” she shuddered, “he healed me.” 

“And how  _ exactly _ did you not see that coming?” 

“I was as good as dead. Instead, he poured all his energy into me until there was nothing left.” 

“Or,” Silyana said, a pensive divot forming between her brows, “he just transferred it. Temporarily. Through this bond thing.” 

Kira's eyes went wide. 

“Yeah. So he wasn't dead. He was probably just – regenerating, or something, while his life force was healing you. I don't know. I'm just guessing because honestly I don’t know what the hell that bond thing is.” 

Kira let out a bitter laugh. “Neither do I.” 

“If anyone had to be bonded, though, it would be you two. And full offense, I don't envy you for it.” 

Her head dropped into her hands. “I don't know what you want me to say.” 

Silence stretched out between them. When Kira looked up, Silyana's stare was a thousand miles away. Her voice was low and hoarse. "When I figure it out, I'll let you know.” She turned away. 

“I expect a ransom demand.” 

Silyana looked over her shoulder. “Yeah?” 

“Yes. Hux wants me, not Ben. He'll use him as bait.” 

“Just know I've called dibs on wringing Hux's scrawny neck.” 

Kira didn't argue. “All you'll need is my private comm channel. It shouldn't take Hux long.” 

Silyana sighed. “Sure, we'll monitor it.” She began to walk out. “Also, take a shower. You reek.” 

~---~

Rose had had plenty of time to sort through her thoughts by the time the Resistance supply ship landed at Black Spire Outpost. Still, it wasn't enough. 

“You might want to strap yourself in,” Beau called from the cockpit. “The entry on Batuu can be a bit rough.” 

Beau was being generous, so she buckled into a jump seat behind the bulkhead. The system's three suns created some unusual and conflicting weather patterns. As soon as they hit the stratosphere, gusting winds batting the ship around like it was nothing, rattling the teeth in her skull. 

When the ship made it to earth, settling into the bay with a creak and a groan, Rose took a few seconds to breathe through her mouth, trying not to vomit. Beau left the cockpit and walked over with shaky legs. 

“You alright?”

Rose took one more calming breath and rested her head against the seat back. “You do this every week?” 

“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “The Resistance needs a lot of supplies to keep running. You build up a tolerance to being thrown about.” 

“No, thank you. Once was enough.” Even bracing with a hand couldn’t prevent the embarrassing woozy stumbling up out of the seat. “Let’s just say I’m glad I skipped breakfast.”

“You know where you’re going?” 

“Yeah. Thanks for the lift.” 

“Sure thing.” 

“Will I be picking you up?” 

Rose shook her head. “Good luck, stay safe.” 

“Same to you. May the Force be with you.” 

She shouldered her pack and disembarked, leaving Beau to finish his work and head back to Ajan Kloss. Finn - it had been so good to hear his voice - had given her the designation of a docking bay across Black Spire Outpost. Wrapping a scarf around her face, she set out through the crowds. The clamoring streets were dusty, the smell of foods and spices and other pungent wares ripe in the air, vendors shouting their goods and denizens and foreigners conversing in the street. Rose hunched in and plowed ahead, eager to find her friends and see for herself that they were alright.

“Finn!”

Leaning against a doorway, he looked up as she approached and pushed off to meet halfway. “Rose!” He wrapped her in a tight hug. “You didn’t have to come.”

She loosened the embrace, pulling back far enough to punch him hard in the shoulder - the good shoulder. Still, he winced.

“Ow. I take it Kaydel told you about the situation.”

“That’s why I’m here. You promised, and then I find out you’re hiding out with -” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “And on a planet overrun with criminals and spies, of course.”

“It’s neutral territory.”

Rose shook her head and put up a hand. “You know what? I don’t want to talk about it. I’m here, you’re here, and everything is a mess like usual. Let’s just start there.”

Glancing up and down the street, Finn drew her inside and sealed the door. He exhaled. “I’m ok with that. Trust me, I’m almost as freaked out about all of this as you.”

“Do,” she swallowed, “do you really have Kira Ren?”

Finn ran a hand over his hair. “She’s here, yes. But thank the Force you’re here now, Rose. I feel like I’m screaming inside and everyone’s just…”

“I honestly can’t believe it. I don’t know if I’d believe it even if I saw her.”

“Well.” He gave a breathless laugh. “She’s promised to stay out of our way as much as possible, if you can believe it.”

Rose raised one eyebrow. “I’ve been on the  _ Falcon _ . There’s only one fresher.”

“Yeah. It’s a little tight.” He studied her. “You’re taking this pretty well, actually.”

She gave him a wry grin. “Don’t worry. I’m screaming on the inside too.”

“Good to know.”

“But I’ll need to speak with her. That’s the whole point of me coming out here, right? To intercept the First Order signals and find Ben?”

“Well, yes…”

“Then I don’t think it’d be practical to have someone passing messages. No, I thought about it on the way here.”

“Rose.”

“I’m okay, Finn. I know I haven’t been at my best for a while now, but I’m not fragile. And… I don’t think I’m broken. Not anymore. I had to decide to pick up the pieces at some point and it doesn’t really make sense to keep blaming those who broke it. That’s not getting me anywhere.”

“You’re definitely not broken. You’re exceptionally strong, Rose.”

She laughed. “I don’t know about all that. But I’m trying.” 

“Alright. Well, the Falcon is this way.” He guided her through a few corridors and storage bays before they found the old Corellian freighter, the wide hatch above sealed shut. 

“Oh, one more thing.” Finn paused under the ship. “I don’t know if Connix knows, so you probably don’t either, but Poe and Silyana Ren are kind of a thing.”

Adjusting her pack, Rose blinked. "A thing?”

“Yeah. Like, not officially, but they’re  _ involved _ .”

“Poe. Poe is with a Knight of Ren. Poe Dameron?”

“It makes no sense to me either, but there it is. It’s really new, though, but they’re definitely attached.”

Rose grimaced. “That’s not what I expected but honestly the more I think about it, it’s the most Poe thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You’re not wrong,” Finn sighed. “It’s weird but it works.”

They boarded the Falcon and Chewie greeted her with an enthusiastic rumble and ruffled her hair. Her answering grin faded slightly when Poe came up. 

“Hi, Rose. Thank you for coming out here. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know. I didn’t do it for you - it’s for Ben.”

He nodded,looking down. 

“I’d stun you for breaking your promise, but I feel like this was all Ben.”

Poe grimaced. “I did try. I’m sorry.” He met her eyes and she nodded.

“I believe you.”

His shoulders slumped. 

“Anyway, I think I have some more people to meet. Especially your girlfriend.”

If Rose was more comfortable with Poe, she would have laughed at the brilliant shade of vermilion he turned. He choked. 

“Not my girlfriend,” he managed and fled into the main hold. 

“You couldn’t resist, huh?” Finn said. 

“He’ll be fine.” She shifted the pack on her back “Assuming that we’re all  _ fine _ at the end of this.”

The woman that stood to meet her was not what Rose expected. Average height, white-blonde hair, cavalier stance. She quickly scanned and extended a hand. 

“You’re the master codebreaker.” When Rose didn’t take the proffered hand, she added, “Silyana, _ former _ Knight of Ren.”

Rose still didn’t reach for her.

“Fair enough.”

She retracted her arm, crossing them over her chest, seeming to take her in again. “Oh, this is her, by the way.”

The former knight jerked a thumb, and that’s when Rose noticed her. She sat in the corner, watching the proceedings with a weary but wary eye. She was small and sickly, and if it had been anywhere else, Rose wouldn’t have given her a second glance, in her ill-fitting obviously borrowed jumpsuit. But here and now, with such a flippant introduction, it was like her stomach had dropped into her boots. Never in a million years would she imagine meeting Kira Ren like this. Or that the fearsome monster that haunted them all across the stars such common features; lank brown hair, green eyes. This was the object of Ben’s obsession? It seemed incredible when Connix briefed her, and it seemed more incredible now.

Turning to Poe, Rose said, “I’d like to stow my pack before we start.”

He startled but after a second he gestured towards the captain’s quarters, where they tossed her bag with the others in the oversized closet. 

“You okay?”

“Ha, yeah. I think so. It’s just - was that not weird?”

“Oh, it’s weird, alright.” He ran a hand through rumpled curls. “Sorry, Silyana’s not one for shying away from confrontation.”

“He’s right, I’m not.”

Rose jerked around in surprise to find Silyana had followed them. Silyana noticed her move to the electro stunner at her side and held up a conciliatory hand. 

“That doesn’t mean I want to start a fight. And if I do, it’s not with you.”

“...Thanks?”

“I’ll be with you and Kira while you debrief her and set the comms systems up.”

Rose balked. “Why not Finn, or Poe? I’m sorry but I don’t know you, just your reputation.”

“The  _ Falcon’s _ comms array is a bit...” Poe trailed off.

“It’s tight quarters,” Silyana said. “Neither of them are ready for that.”

Rose glanced at Poe, and he gave her a weak smile that faded into worry. “Oh,” she said. “Right.”

“She won’t try anything,” Silyana continued, “but if she did, I’d be able to neutralize her.”

Looking back at a thoroughly miserable Poe, she hesitated before saying, “Alright, well, let’s do this.”

It was crammed, but Rose was able to lose herself in the complex work of decoding and slicing the First Order secured networks. She almost, but not quite, forgot that Kira Ren sat at her elbow, feeding her data with a disconcertingly soft voice as she needed. While having the keys to the castle handed to her took some of the fun and challenge out of it, she still had to use skill to avoid detection on the Order’s end, especially with the  _ Falcon’s _ unfamiliar equipment. The first thing they did was connect a high-powered receiver on Kira’s personal comm, using the unlocked protocols on the device to access the First Order’s system remotely. From there it was all too easy. The longer they worked, the more absorbed Rose became in the scrolling code and the crackling static and the clacking keys.

“Did it work?” Kira’s accented and lifeless tone broke Rose’s concentration, reminding her where she was. Silyana, crammed against the wall on the other side of the comms station, raised her eyebrows.

“Hold on, let me relay this one.” Rose completed the series of commands that would forward the decrypted channel to the Resistance’s headquarters. She’d already done so with several of the more consequential ones, including from the Security Bureau and the First Order Command.

“What about my channel? Have you checked it?”

Rose looked at her fully, the first time she’d done so since they started. 

“Hux will not delay to contact me when he knows who he has. We cannot miss his message,” Kira said.

Rose huffed. “This,” she pointed, “is recording everything coming through your channel. And this,” her finger shifted, “will alert us if anyone starts transmitting.” She sat back. “I’m not just a master codebreaker. I would also be a top certified communications specialist if I had the time and wasn’t wanted in every First Order-aligned territory. Not that you need to be certified to know how to set up a buzzer to announce an incoming call.”

Kira’s stare didn’t waver.

Rose scowled. “I want Ben back. I’m not going to lose him over something stupid like that.”

“I don’t know you,” Kira stated in a low voice. “You say you want Ben returned, but I need him.”

Rose turned away, unfocused gaze settling on a screen filled with aurebesh code. “I don’t know you either. I know Ben, though. He saved my life, me and my sister’s.” Silyana shifted against the wall and caught her eye again. Rising to the occasion, Rose’s spine straightened and she pressed on. “My sister died on the  _ Supremacy _ , shot by a First Order trooper, right before the cataclysm. It’s been over a year now. I’ve learned that not any one person is to blame, but you’ll understand if I don’t harbor any love for those affiliated with the First Order, past or present.” She looked to Kira. “You don’t know me and you have no reason to trust me. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. But Ben - I’m going to do my best to bring him back. Trust that.”

Kira’s lips pressed together, bloodless, and Rose waited for either woman to attack her with words or blows, but that didn’t happen.

Instead, the alert buzzed, jolting them from the moment.

The message was brief.

_ You are alone. Come to the Citadel and surrender. _

“That karking bastard,” Silyana snarled, startling Rose and causing her to reach for her electrostunner. “The Citadel? The  _ Citadel _ ? There’s only about, I don’t know, a  _ billion of those in the galaxy? _ ”

“We’ll keep monitoring, maybe there’ll be more,” Rose said. “Or he might be waiting for an acknowledgement before sending more details.”

Kira stayed silent during the outburst, her eyes shut.

“Ha!” Silyana barked. “I’ll acknowledge that shitstain when I’m good and ready.”

“We should tell the others -”

Kira stood. “Someone’s here.”

“Hey, ladies.” Poe’s head poked tentatively into the crowded room. “Someone’s here. Says they need to talk to… to Rey.” He swallowed. “Says they know how to get Ben back.”

~---~ 

“Ben. Wake up.” 

“Why?” he muttered, turning away from the voice.

“Because I’m here to talk to you. Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

Ben cracked his eyes open at that. He didn’t remember wanting to talk to anyone in particular, not when he’d been sleeping so deeply, especially to someone with a voice he didn’t recognize.

“Where are we?” 

“Starting off with the tough questions then.” 

He sat up and rubbed his face before looking at the person who had greeted him. A young man in his twenties, tousled brown locks framing a bashful smirk, stood at the foot of a bed. Ben scanned his face, taking the scar, the Jedi robes, the distinctive lightsaber hilt.

“Grandfather.” 

The smirk widened. “Grandson.” 

“I’m not really awake then.” 

“No, not in the way you’re thinking.” 

He took in the fine sheets on the bed, the decadent decor, the lavish suite beyond the door, the nighttime cityscape outside the tall windows. “Is this a dream?” 

“This is real, if a bit non-traditional. An in-between place.” 

“I don’t recognize it.” 

“These were the apartments of Senator Amidala on Coruscant, or my memory of them.” 

Ben looked around with fresh eyes. “Padme?” 

Anakin nodded. “Your grandmother, yes.” 

He grunted and pulled back the bedding, getting to his feet. “Why are we here? Why am I here?” He froze. “Am I dead?” 

“In-between place, remember? So, no, not dead. You gave it a good try though.” 

“And why,” Ben waved a hand, “why are you here?”

“You’ve wanted to talk to me for a while now. I think it’s about time.” 

Bits and pieces started to come back to him, and he groaned. “You’re about ten years too late.” 

Anakin raised his chin, clasped a wrist in the opposite hand. “Bitter, are we?” 

Snorting, he stood and paced to the bank of windows. “You’ve avoided me.”

“Yes, I did. And for good reason.” 

“Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“It means, anything I could have said or done would’ve only made things worse.”

His fists clenched. “What happened to me?” 

“Do you not remember?”

He grasped at the recent memories. “I remember.” His heart wrenched, stuttering his breath. Rey - was she alive? He’d poured himself into her, but had it been enough. Where was he now? How was he here? “I just don’t understand.”

Anakin came and stood next to him. “I don’t quite understand it either.” He caught Ben’s incredulous glance. “I’m dead, not omniscient. My consciousness is one with the Force, sure, but it never spans the entire thing, thank the stars.”

His heart began to race. He shouldn’t be here, he had to find Rey. Through gritted teeth, he spat, “I can see why you never bothered to show up. You’re extremely unhelpful.”

“Patience, Ben. I may not have the answers you seek, but I do have the insight of my experience and observations. Together we can work out what happened.” 

“Well, then, what did you say to Rey? Did you answer her at the pyre? What did you say to change her mind?”

Grimacing, Anakin turned away from the view. “Let’s go to the other room, where we can sit.” 

“That bad, huh?” Ben muttered to himself, but followed.

They settled into seats facing off in the lounge. City traffic was a faint hum beyond the thick transparisteel encasing the room as the men studied each other.

“You would not have wanted to hear what I had to say.”

Ben crossed his arms and sat back. “So you told it to Rey, instead.”

Anakin sighed. “She’s exceptionally persistent. I tried to dissuade her as best I could, but she came to a conclusion that I didn’t predict.”

“What. Did. You. Say?” 

Resting elbows on his knees, he spread his hands. “I warned her of the consequences of the Dark Side. How it strips you to the bone, requires everything you hold.” He slumped, running a palm over the sofa cushion. “Especially the things most dear to you.”

Ben swallowed, hard.

“Yes, Ben.” His gaze was hard, passionate. “You are precious to her, loved, in fact. The sooner you accept that, the easier what follows will be.”

He knew it, had known it for years. Hearing it aloud, from his deceased grandfather of all things, was like a punch to the gut. His mouth parted in a shallow gasp and he covered it with a fist, tears welling in his eyes. A sob tried to break free, but he wrestled it down with a shudder. “Why?”

“You are a dyad. Two halves of one soul. Your bond is a manifestation of that fundamental connection.” 

“She tried to die,” he cried, voice breaking over the words. “I  _ almost killed her _ . How could that be, if we’re truly a dyad?”

Anakin dropped his gaze. “I showed her how I lost it all, piece by piece. Although none of it was really mine to begin with. But it didn’t matter. The Dark Side took anyway. I meant,” he gave a deprecating laugh, “I meant for her to give up the Darkness, not to give up completely.”

“You frightened her.” 

“Reasoning had not dissuaded her, no matter how many times you’d tried to talk her down. It was time for a different tactic.” 

“I was  _ getting through to her! _ ” 

“I may have gone too far,” Anakin conceded.

Ben stood, stalking over to him. “ _ I watched the light fade from her eyes _ .” 

Glowering from under his brows, he said, “And yet she’s still alive. Not everyone is so fortunate.” 

“What? How?” 

“Two halves of one soul. If one lives, so does the other.”

Ben took a moment to absorb these revelations. “Then why am I here?” 

“It will take time for your body to recover. And also, you’re drugged.”

“I’m - what?”

“The First Order has you sedated.”

A disbelieving titter escaped Ben. “So what? You unload a bunch of your shit on me and then we have to stay in this make-believe memory place together until, what?”

“No, I’m free to go whenever. It’s you who’s stuck. Although I’ll stay here to keep you company, however long it takes.”

“That’s great.” The tears came back and his mouth twisted. He moved back and collapsed in his seat. “I’m trapped.” 

Anakin draped an arm on the back of the seat. “I said stuck, not helpless.”

Ben looked up.

“I’ve reached out to someone. The best of the best, actually. I thought it was the least I could do after everything.” 

“What does that mean?”

“If everything works out, you’ll see soon enough.” 

His half-grin was back. “Now, tell me about Rey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses as to who Anakin sent? I think we're getting a new POV next chapter, because this story didn't have enough already lol. Leave a comment and kudos! I love to hear from you all!
> 
> Next chapter February 21 CST


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Sometimes, Ahsoka Tano wanted to slap Anakin.

The sheer  _ audacity _ it took to hijack her dreams and ask for a favor. A  _ favor _ .

She almost told him no.

But with Snoke gone, the Force had been much more settled than it had for years. Balance, in as much as true balance was possible, was becoming more of a reality. The Force was dynamic, in constant flux. But,  _ but _ , if it became closer to relative stability before she joined those who had gone before, she couldn’t ignore the opportunity.

She’d regret her decision at some point. Anakin had been convincing and succinct, if desperate. Which meant the situation was probably a bit of a disaster. 

Sighing, she pushed the intercom again. “I’m here to speak with  _ Rey. About Ben!” _ The burst of static from the decrepit system made her flinch. “Did you get that?”

The speaker shrilled and squawked before resolving into discernible words. “I’m sorry, but you should get lost.”

Ahsoka sighed. “Who is this?”

“You don’t need to know. Just leave us alone. Goodbye.”

She jammed an impatient finger into the button, glaring at a passerby who didn’t have the sense to keep their eyes to themselves. “Goodbye? Either threaten me to switch off or stop being so polite.”

“...Um, okay?”

“If you don’t let me in, I can break this door down.”

The intercom went dead. 

“Hello?” No response. “Alright, then.” Checking both ways up and down the alley, she pulled out the lightsaber hidden at her side. As she ignited it, the door slid open.

The man on the other side yelped. “Oh, shit, there’s another one.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Are you - are you a Knight of Ren?” he spluttered, the blaster in his hand wavering.

Ahsoka disengaged her weapon and crossed her arms. “Do I look like a Knight of Ren?”

“Am I supposed to know that?”

Ahsoka sized up the man valiantly trying not to cower against the wall. Defiant but tired, he crossed his arms to match her posture. She said, “I don’t usually get asked if I’m a Knight of Ren. Jedi, sure. Sith, maybe. You’ve been around the wrong crowd, flyboy.”

“How do you know I’m a pilot?”

She grinned. “Because you just told me that you're a pilot. Also, an educated guess based on the calluses on your fingers.”

He inspected his hands. “Damn. You’re sharp.”

“Yes, thanks. Take me to Rey. This can’t wait.”

Glowering, he demanded, “Who is Rey, and why do you think she’s here?”

“How’d you know she’s a she?”

His face fell. “Damn.”

“I’m not a Knight, or a Sith, or a Jedi, but I can put you to sleep with a wave of my hand, so. You are going to take me to Rey, or else.”

“Kriff,” he muttered.

“So, what’ll it be?”

He dared to smirk at her. “You talk a little like someone else I know. Come with me.”

Ahsoka waited at the edge of the docking bay while the pilot, who introduced himself as Poe, Poe Dameron, went aboard the rickety old freighter to consult.

She didn’t have to wait long.

The young woman who stormed down the ramp looked so tormented, with a dark aura that bled vermillion, it was impossible to withhold the burst of pity in Ahsoka’s chest. 

“Who are you?” the woman demanded.

“You must be Rey,” Ahsoka said. “Anakin sent me.”

Rey recoiled with a grimace of fear. She would have retreated if the blonde woman, who carried an aura almost silver, didn’t clamp a hand on her arm. More people trickled out of the ship but kept their distance, observing with a wariness and a weariness born of uncertainty. The pilot stood closest to the blonde woman with the silver aura, and next to him was a young soldier. The woman at his side also had the bearing of a fighter, though her stance was more anxious than ready. The Wookiee behind them looked familiar, but altogether they made for an odd crew. 

“My name’s Ahsoka Tano. I’ve come here to help you recover Ben Solo.”

“No,” Rey snarled.

“I’m sorry?”

“No,” she repeated. “You need to leave.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” the blonde woman said. “We need all the help we can get. Don’t throw her out yet.”

“ _ No. _ ”

“First, I don’t think we could throw her out if we wanted to.”

“True,” Ahsoka agreed. 

“Second, she’s got good vibes.” She shot her a glance. “I hope you don’t mind me checking your vibes.”

Ahsoka shook her head. “Not at all. You’d be a fool if you didn’t.”

“I don’t  _ like  _ you yet,” Silyana clarified.

“She needs to leave,” Rey snapped.

“Rey, you may not know me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be of use to you.”

“My name is  _ Kira _ .”

“Do you want Ben back or not?”

“I don’t need help from  _ Vader _ to get him back.”

“I’m not here because of Vader.”

“You said -”

“I said, the memory of someone I used to know prompted me to come offer my help. You can, of course, reject my offer, but you likely won’t be able to penetrate the Citadel without me.”

Rey’s eyes widened before narrowing. “Get out, before I throw you out.”

“Don’t regret this because of your fear or pride.”

The lightsaber that sprang from Rey’s grasp, snarling and spitting, was a stark contrast to the powerful hum of Ahsoka’s twin white blades. 

“I’m not here to fight,” she said.

“Yet you draw your weapon on me,” Rey spat.

“Hey!” the blonde grabbed Rey’s wrist. 

The wave of Dark rage hit Ahsoka like a slap to the face, but she stood firm. She chose to lean into empathy, rather than blocking it out. She watched them closely, the rage dissipating into something more like despair. Ahsoka relaxed her stance.

“Hey!” the woman repeated. “Look at me! You’re not fighting the elderly Togruta.”

Ahsoka disengaged the thrumming blades and crossed her arms.

“You’re not in charge here, and according to our terms, have no input on anything. Period.” 

Rey hesitated, the resistance leaching from her posture. She nodded. “If this will begin to make things right.”

“Uh, huh.” The blonde pivoted on her heel and marched to Ahsoka, offering a hand. “Hi. Silyana. Current spokesperson appointed by common sense.”

“I see.” Ahsoka took her hand. “Whose common sense?”

“Mine, of course.”

“She’s  _ not _ the leader.”

The scoff had the three Force-wielders turning to where the others had scattered to the far side of the bay. The shorter woman with a determined set to her jaw stepped forward. “ _ My _ name is Rose Tico. You mentioned the Citadel? What are you talking about?”

“The Citadel is where they are keeping Ben Solo.”

“Yes, yes,” Silyana said. “And where exactly is that?”

“Ah, so that bit is not news.”

“I’m sorry,” the soldier interjected. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m with Kira. We don’t know her.”

“Oh, we know her,” Silyana said. “Ahsoka Tano was Anakin Skywalker’s padawan once upon a time, which if anybody’s kept up with galactic politics recently, means she knew the Darth Vader.”

“I knew  _ Anakin _ ,” Ahsoka stressed. “Which is now why I can help you find his grandson.”

The space fell silent, as no one seemed to know how to make the next move. The tensions were not just between her and them, but each connection was stretched thin with unknowns and uncertainty.

Convincing them was already a chore, but this. This would not be easy.

“Is anyone hungry?” Poe said loudly. “I know I’m feeling nauseous. Could use a little something to hold down my stomach.”

The soldier groaned, and the others shot Poe incredulous looks.

“Way to bludgeon the awkwardness with more awkwardness, Poe,” SIlyana said. “Well, I guess it’s snack time, everyone.”

~---~

It felt  _ good _ to be Supreme Leader.

That was a broad generalization, Hux admitted to himself, but sometimes, there were certifiable good days. Of those, today was one of the best.

He’d chosen the message sent on Kira Ren’s private channel himself, spending way too much time on the simple nine words. It wasn’t really necessary to rub it in, but he had her on the end of a string. He had Ben Solo, and he had no doubt she was jump to his every demand.

It felt  _ good _ . Like he’d gotten a full night’s sleep and a warm hot breakfast from the kitchens of the Imperial Academy on Arkanis. 

As he marched down the hall aboard the  _ Finalizer _ , a squad of elite troopers maintaining a perimeter around his person, he couldn’t restrain the dash of jauntiness in his stride. Pacing a step behind him, Stynnix managed to read her datapad and sidestep an errant mouse droid that darted away with a squeal. “Leader Hux.”

He halted and faced her. “Yes, Commander?”

“The signal has been received.”

His glee stretches into a smirk. “Wait until we get to my office, Commander.”

“Yes, sir.”

The others had to quicken their pace to keep up. His eyes fixed ahead and the smile on his face was slightly deranged, but it was good for the junior officers to have some fear of their Supreme Leader. Just because he didn’t sit on a throne or wear gold wasn’t an excuse for them to forget the power he held. 

The elite guard troopers snapped a salute and secretarial officers leapt to their feet as he burst into the reception anteroom. 

“Leave. Everyone,” he barked. “And tell the Grand Admiral he’ll have to wait.”

Some idiot stuttered, “Pardon, but, Supreme Leader, you’ve already rescheduled on Grand Admiral Pryde two times this week.”

“You’re done here,” Hux said without breaking stride. The man choked and saluted before scurrying out the door. How he had made it this far, Hux couldn’t guess, especially if he was going to cry over such an idiotic blunder. 

The rest scattered as Hux entered the passcode for his office and the door purred open. He circled the wide desk and sat in the stiff-backed chair that was the closest thing he had to a throne. When he looked up, he found Stynnix standing hesitantly in the anteroom.

“I wasn’t referring to you, obviously, Commander,” he snapped. “You stay.”

“Of course, sir.”

She jumped when the door hissed shut behind her. He scowled as she rushed to pull up the report on the transmission to Kira. She really needed to get over her general skittishness. It was unnerving, and it wasn’t his job to make her feel comfortable. 

Stynnix cleared her throat. “It was received at 1000 hours Galatic Standard Time, but the responding ping had been so encrypted and relayed to make the point of origin indeterminable.”

“There was no reply?”

“No, but we are continuing the transmission as you dictated, sir.”

“Hmm.” He drummed his fingers on the polished desk, leaving the faintest smudged fingerprints. What did she have to think about? She wouldn’t be able to find him without reaching for more information, at which point she’d have to agree to his terms. She had no resources to plot with, no leverage to bargain with, except herself. He checked the chrono on the wall. It had already been three hours since the message had been received. 

His scowl deepened. “What about the transmission to Silyana Ren?” 

“Also pinged as received, although similarly untraceable.”

“Damn it.” He had hoped that the obnoxious Knight simply decided to piss off now that it was clear that the First Order no longer considered her an ally, but she was still monitoring her Order frequency. 

“Call Tirian Ren. I want an update on Ben Solo.”

“Yes, Leader Hux.”

Stynnix busied herself setting up the connection and relaying it to his office while he flicked through several memorandums he was too distracted to read. Something, something, stormtroopers, requisitions, repairs, something. When the hologram bloomed to life above his desk, he tossed the datapad aside with a thump. 

“Supreme Leader,” Tirian said.

“How is the prisoner, Ren?”

Tirian’s blue image flickered before settling back into clear definition. “Fine by all measures, Supreme Leader. The physicians still have not concluded what caused his unconscious state when he was captured. There were no fresh contusions on his skull or body caused by an episode of syncopation. Brain waves are normal for a sedated human. Blood work also returned normal, if a bit high in inflammatory markers which is normal for moderate stress.”

Hux waved a dismissive hand. “I don’t care, as long as he lives long enough for us to lure Kira in.”

“Agreed.”

Hux looked at the Knight sharply. Every so often, Tirian Ren showed the slightest hint of insolence, but Hux was leery of reprimanding him for something so insubstantial. One day, the best day of being Supreme Leader, he wouldn’t have to deal with Force users ever again. But today was not that day. 

He changed the subject. “Do you believe the facility is sufficient to keep Ben Solo contained?”

“Are you planning to lift him from sedation?”

“No. There’s no need.”

“Then yes, excessively sufficient. With myself and Ymiré to bolster the guard, a rescue of any sort will be impossible, even if Kira or the Resistance ascertained his location.”

“I trust this is not an empty claim that the last operation proved it to be.”

It was difficult to tell with the small image on the holoprojector, but it looked like Tirian bristled. “Ben Solo will spend his last days in the Citadel.”

“Agreed.”

The scowl on Tirian’s face was unmistakable. “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

Hux ended the connection and relaxed into the seat. 

“Things are progressing well, sir,” Stynnix said. 

He turned his seat to gaze out on the void of deep space. The  _ Finalizer  _ was alone, location classified. It felt odd without the fleet occupying the blackness around the flagship, but they had disappeared to avoid suspicions from the remaining Knights of Ren. If they had any idea that the fleet hadn’t scattered, but was instead lurking in the Belderone sector, waiting on his order to converge on Lola Sayu to bombard the Citadel, Tirian would not have been so reticent with his loathing.

He also didn’t know that Hux planned to give Kira Ren the coordinates of the Citadel. That would spoil the surprise when they all died in the orbital barrage he had planned. If one of the Force wielders killed each other before that happened, he wasn’t concerned. 

He’s long ago given up on the idea of personal vendettas. Those who wanted to monologue or stab the knife themselves were always caught or killed. Snoke was just the most recent example. No, it was much better to leave the dirty work to others. Revenge meant becoming personal, and as Kira Ren knew too well, personal meant weakness and compromise. 

Armitage Hux was alone in a way that Kira Ren couldn’t even imagine. And he was  _ winning _ . 

“Excellent work, Stynnix. Take the rest of the day off.”

“Leader Hux?”

“Have your assistant clear your calendar. They can accompany me to take notes for the rest of today’s schedule.”

She gaped, but quickly concealed it. “Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

Stynnix saluted and left him to enjoy his view. She wouldn’t take the day off, but she’d feel endeared for the gesture. Or she would if she was smart. 

“Kira Ren,” he said to the cold transperisteel, tasting it, the first flavor of triumph. “Ben Solo.” And he laughed. 

~---~

They sat in an awkward not-quite-circle, spaced out on crates and containers. Poe half-heartedly nibbled on a protein bar, while the others hadn’t even bothered to open theirs. Finn had shoved his in a pocket after he kept compulsively squeezing it, pulverizing it in the wrapper. 

“Have you ever been to Lola Sayu?” the newcomer asked.

“Nope,” Silyana said, and glanced around. “Anyone?”

“But you’ve heard of the Citadel,” Ahsoka added.

Silence.

“It’s a cursed place, built for a cursed purpose.” Her gaze shifted back to Rey. “The Citadel is designed to be impenetrable to our kind, or if it is, to be inescapable. It’s a dead end. Only once was an escape attempt successful, during the Clone Wars. And successful is a generous term.”

“Someone died,” Rose observed quietly. “I hope it was worth it.”

“That’s impossible to know,” Ahsoka answered. “Each life is priceless, and cannot be measured against other lives saved or lost. Someday, at the end of everything, we could tally them, but there is no accounting for grief.”

Rose stood, the box she sat on screeching against the floor, and marched to the  _ Falcon _ ’s ramp to disappear on board. No one moved until Finn made to follow.

“Stay, soldier,” Ahsoka said. “Pain comes in waves, especially as its tide begins to ebb.”

Finn dropped back down, hardly surprised she had recognized his military upbringing. Still, being addressed directly gave him the nerve to speak up. “Are you here to offer solutions? Or to tell us it’s impossible?”

“I’m telling you to be prepared not to succeed.”

“We must succeed,” Kira stated. “Ben must be saved.”

Ahsoka gave a sad smile. “That’s one version of success. But there may be a cost.”

“I’m prepared,” Kira growled.

“For what? The electromines? Ray shields? Feral anoobas? All of these stand in your way, both going in and going out.”

Silyana cocked an eyebrow, leaning forward. “You’re speaking as if you didn’t just read about it.”

“I didn’t. I was there during the escape.”

“Decades ago,” Finn observed, “when it was under Separatist control. Who knows how many times possession has switched, or if it was abandoned, or what modifications and upgrades were made. Do you have schematics, surveillance?”

“No, I don’t,” Ahsoka said. “Which is why I will be going with you to Lola Sayu, as your guide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels like a bit of filler despite the new character we met :) Lmk your thoughts!
> 
> Next update March 7!


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